


Fighting for an Escape

by bstix



Series: Fighting for [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Firefighters, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-02-19 19:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 62,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13130355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bstix/pseuds/bstix
Summary: Set after 5A, with no Underworld storyline. Following Hook's death, Emma starts a new life outside of Storybrooke, becoming a firefighter. Meanwhile, Regina adapts to life without her best friend and accepts Robin's proposal of marriage. Their plans start to deconstruct as they realize there's only one thing that will make them truly happy: each other. Slow burn SQ.





	1. Discombobulated

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Once Upon a Time.
> 
> A/N: The spark for this story came from The Sims where my little SQ family had Emma as a firefighter. That then prompted an extended conversation with swanqueenwhispers about how there needs to be more Emma firefighter stories because we love the ones that already exist. So, here's my take on that theme

"An inmate of Cumberland County jail is trying to contact you. To accept the charges, please press star now."

Regina pressed to accept the call immediately, knowing there was only one person she knew who lived in that county, Emma Swan. As the seconds multiplied and she heard nothing but clicks from the other end of the line, Regina began to panic as to the nature of the blonde's predicament. She may have been asleep seconds earlier, but adrenaline had her fully conscious now.

"Regina," Emma said pleadingly.

"Emma, are you alright? What happened? What do you need?" Regina's mind was racing faster as she heard the lack of composure, fear, and regret emanate from Emma in that one desperate word.

"I didn't mean to, I didn't, it just happened. She's dead. I killed her, Regina," Emma confessed, slurring her words through unmistakable drunken sobs. The effect on Regina at hearing Emma in such distress was profound. She forced herself to close her eyes and take a long, calming breath. As she did so, she felt a comforting hand trace down her back as Robin shifted himself to sit next to her. Regina was so focused on Emma's predicament that she failed to notice Robin's anxious demeanor and subsequent desire to hear details.

"Emma, just breathe. It's going to be okay. I'll get a lawyer. I'm on my way. Don't say anything until I get there."

* * *

**Sixteen Months Earlier**

"Regina, did you hear anything I just said?" Robin prodded as he watched Regina stare vacantly during breakfast. The Queen's fruit and yogurt had been mixed, shuffled, but remained mostly uneaten.

"Sorry, no," Regina replied warmly, allowing her forced smile to touch her eyes as she appreciated the concern on Robin's tired face. Neither had been able to sleep the night before.

"Go see her. She shouldn't be alone. I'll take care of things here." In response to Regina's puzzled expression, he added, "Emma. Go make sure she is alright."

"She sent me a text earlier, said she wanted to be alone. To sleep, specifically."

"And grieve. And to adjust to the darkness leaving her. She needs her best friend, whether she will admit it or not." Robin reached for Regina's hand and stroked it tenderly as he used his loving eyes to win the argument. He felt Regina relax and saw a little tension disperse from her shoulders. She sighed heavily, with an air of gratitude, her focus regained now that she had a mission.

"She will need food. A decent cup of coffee at least." Regina didn't wait for Robin to agree with her observation, for after she spoke, she squeezed his hand tightly and rose from the table without pause. It wasn't until she had tied her coat with her handbag in one hand and car keys in the other that she turned to see that Robin was thoroughly amused. His slight chuckling helped dissipate the guilt Regina was feeling about the abrupt end to their meal and leaving him with the household chores.

"It's fine, really. Go be with Emma. It's where you should be."

* * *

Regina parked her car behind the yellow bug, which was the only other vehicle in sight. She noted the near absence of sound as she stepped onto the sidewalk, with only the clicking of her heels interrupting the piercing silence. Birds and bugs alike had even left the Savior alone. Regina wasn't surprised when her persistent knocking didn't bring Emma to the door. She debated briefly if their friendship was such that she could just barge in without an invitation, but such contemplation was brief before she opened the unlocked door and entered.

She could hear Emma before she could see her. Non-descript mumbling was the sound she heard. Placing the breakfast she had purchased at Granny's down on the kitchen table, Regina approached Emma tentatively. The blonde was curled up on her couch, with a pillow being held firmly over each of her ears.

"Emma?" Regina said softly as she closed the gap between them, trying to find the balance between not jarring the blonde and successfully breaking her isolated mantra. As Regina sat on the coffee table, her movement was enough for Emma to notice her presence, forcing an eye to pry open. Regina smiled warmly, trying to deliver reassurance. However, internally she was processing how tired and slightly broken Emma seemed. It was clear Emma hadn't showered, slept, or likely eaten since being relieved from the darkness. Her eyes were red, but Regina didn't think Emma had shed tears since the night before when she had sobbed into Hook's body.

"I can hear the dagger; I'm trying to make it stop," Emma blurted out as though her words explained everything. Regina's look of confusion only deepened. "When I was the Dark One, the former Dark Ones would manifest and talk to me. To tempt me. I'd have conversations with them. Now I just hear the dagger calling me, luring me with its power."

"I thought Hook's death ended the Dark One lineage. There shouldn't be any darkness to be drawn to," Regina said more to herself than to Emma as she tried to understand the blonde's predicament. "What is it saying? The dagger?"

"It's mostly hushed and nonverbal, except that it calls me by name," Emma said as she threw the pillows away and rose to her feet, automatically attempting to demonstrate she was fine and her guest didn't need to worry. She was already regretting confiding in Regina and was frustrated that her weakened state had brought forth such honesty. It was her issue; Regina didn't need to be concerned with it.

"I brought breakfast," Regina offered apprehensively as she watched Emma begin to pace.

"I'm not hungry, but thank you."

"It wasn't a suggestion, Emma." The blonde rolled her eyes in resentment. "Sleep?" The brunette countered with a raised eyebrow.

"Regina. I'm fine. I'd rather be alone right now."

"Nope, not going to happen." The Mayor indicated she wasn't about to relent to the Savior's request as she walked back to the kitchen and set out plates. She was surprised when Emma didn't keep the verbal refusals coming, but instead grabbed her coffee, chugged half of it, then slumped into a wooden chair, exhausted. Regina handed her a bear claw and the fact Emma accepted it without hesitation was enough for her to show her appreciation.

"So, how's Robin?" Emma asked after devouring half her baked product in silence while Regina sipped her coffee, powerless to do anything other than study her friend.

"He's well, thank you." Emma nodded in response, unable to concoct a way for this domestic conversation to continue. The silence between the women was awkward, tense, and made the air feel cooler. Emma had no idea how to act normal in the wake of recent events. Regina was simply desperate to help in any way she could. Part of her wanted to find a crying wreck of a woman that she could console like she had been when Hook's body was still warm, but that wasn't who Emma Swan was. This masquerade of acting as though everything was normal was the Savior; personal loss wasn't going to change that.

"Emma-" Regina finally ventured.

"Don't. There's nothing to talk about. Everyone is safe. Mission accomplished." The tension in the air returned as sips of coffee were taken. Emma had no desire to rehash recent events, especially the previous night, and Regina debated how to say the words she needed to be spoken.

"I never thanked you properly." Emma's confused expression forced Regina to not dance around her meaning. "For taking the darkness for me." Regina's eyes held Emma's, hoping that her look alone would convey everything she couldn't bring herself to say.

"I did it for everyone. I was trying to save everyone." As Emma's voice trailed off, Regina knew her mind hand wandered back to Hook. She hadn't thought the pirate was good enough for Emma; that his relentless badgering of her had worn her down to the point where she couldn't resist him any longer. It wasn't healthy, but Emma seemed happy in his presence. Regina certainly felt the blonde's desolation as she stood with Robin and Henry and watched as Emma killed him. Regina was lost, searching for the right words of solace.

Without warning, Emma stood, her head spinning, searching.

"You're hearing it, again, aren't you?"

Emma didn't even answer, she grabbed the keys to her bug and indicated Regina should join her.

* * *

Regina had been too concerned for their welfare to attempt a conversation as Emma maneuvered the bug in unpredictable directions on a path that ended outside Gold's shop. While the brunette was glad that the journey in the death mobile had ceased, her anxiety didn't diminish as she watched Emma exit the vehicle with seething anger and head into the establishment without pause. The Savior was entirely focused on locating the voice she could now hear louder and clearer than before.

"Miss Swan," Gold said with a smirk, acutely aware of what had brought the Sheriff before him.

"How?" Emma questioned as her green eyes burrowed deep into the proprietor's. She could feel the darkness emanate from him in waves and understood immediately that his status as the Dark One had been restored.

"Magic Dearie. Just magic."

"But Hook, he died so it would be gone forever," Emma spoke despondently, her eyes now slightly vacant as Regina finally arrived by her side.

"Yes. Well. I saw an opportunity to reclaim what was mine," Gold reasoned. Regina's apparent confusion was evident as she shifted her eyes between the pair, not yet understanding what had transpired. Realization befell her, once she too sensed dark power while scanning her former mentor.

"You're the Dark One," Regina announced with a rhetorical statement, which ended anyone's desire to speak. The silence brought with it a new sense of hopelessness inside Emma, that caused her to subconsciously physically shake. However, before Regina could subtly offer comfort, Emma suddenly heard the voices she'd been tormented by all night more vividly. They were swarming, pulling her towards them. Unknowingly, her head tilted in their direction, desperate to feel that power again.

"She's not yours anymore, Miss Swan."

"It's calling me." Emma's bewildered expression mirrored perfectly the incomprehension Regina was feeling, since, once again, she was failing to follow the conversation.

"What's calling you and how are you the Dark One?" Regina hated being behind on grasping a situation, especially one that pertained to magic and darkness.

"The dagger. The power… it wants me to… it wants to darken me." Emma's words were soft but detached, almost as though she were speaking to herself rather than to Regina.

"Yes, your magic is powerful. Gives an odd tingle." Gold's wry smile was something Regina wanted to remove instantly, whereas Emma didn't even notice.

"You have my magic?" Emma exploded, her voice laced with anger. Her emotions were changing every second.

"I am all the Dark Ones combined," he explained flatly.

"But how?" Regina asked still trying to find answers in the penetrating looks the pair were sharing.

"Can you feel me? Sense when I'm around?" It was clear that Regina was effectively omitted from this conversation now. Emma was only concerned with what Gold had to say.

"No."

"Can you make it stop?"

"No."

"Can you?" She asked, finally directing a question towards Regina. Emma's eyes were imploring, and in return, Regina wanted nothing more than to offer the blonde a hug.

"I-…we'll find a way." Regina tried to sell her assertiveness, but it was evident her affirmation was an assumption rather than a logically strategized answer.

The trio stood silently as both Gold and Regina looked at Emma almost expectantly, waiting for the next line of questioning to commence. Emma's mind was racing, feeling betrayed for Hook, while her failure to vanquish the darkness forever had allowed for the creation of the strongest Dark One there ever could be. She felt her emotions start to overcome her, which would show weakness in front of those she wanted to demonstrate strength to. The dagger called louder, breaking Emma's concentration long enough for her to realize she needed to escape to be by herself, to process. She didn't even speak before magically disappearing from the shop, leaving a shocked Regina and a mildly amused Gold behind.

* * *

"Mom, can you help me with this?" Henry called before he padded into his mother's bedroom holding up his black tie hopefully. Regina gestured for him to stand next to her by the full-length mirror and began showing him the Windsor knot technique. He followed without hesitation, indicating he hadn't actually required assistance.

"There," Regina said softly as she folded down his collar while he finished straightening the knot. She loved how handsome her son looked in a suit, even if it were due to such unpleasant circumstances. Instead of leaving as Regina had expected, Henry sat on the bed before contemplating the words he then spoke.

"Think she'll talk to me today? To anyone for that matter?" In the three days since Hook's death, Emma had barely conversed with anyone in town, essentially only when it was absolutely required. Regina was struggling to answer the question honestly, and Henry sensed it. "Maybe make eye contact?" He added the option in comic deflection.

"I would think so." Regina gave an appreciative smile before turning to choose jewelry to suitably accent her black dress while maintaining a mournful sense of respect.

"We don't do serious conversations, do we? Unless it's literally life or death. Which this is," Henry observed quietly as he stared at the ground.

"Not often, no." Henry began to shuffle his feet, making it easy for Regina to appreciate his restlessness. "What would you like to talk about my prince?"

"Ma" he countered without a beat. Regina found herself having to inhale deeply to find the composure to speak about the blonde. "Specifically, what's wrong with her. She hasn't cried since that night."

"She's grieving. Everyone does that in a different and personal way." Regina's words were soothing, and Henry appreciated that she had sat beside him and placed a comforting hand on his back.

"She cried when Neal died. Not just when it happened, for weeks."

"She did?"

"Yeah, it's almost like Hook isn't what she is upset about." Her son's words gave Regina pause. If it wasn't losing Hook that had made Emma a recluse, then it was the trauma and consequences of her sacrifice that had changed her.

"She's been through a lot Henry. When she was the Dark One, she barely slept. She needs time to recover."

"I don't think she's slept since becoming herself again. Or eaten. But she won't let anyone help her."

"Emma doesn't think she needs help," Regina solemnly responded. Seeing Henry distressed was only adding to the layers of ache she had been experiencing for days.

Henry watched his mother's expression change, and it became apparent to him that she was completely preoccupied with her thoughts. Regina was reviewing the previous day when she had last interacted with Emma. She had been on a walk with Robin and his two children down by the docks when she saw her in the distance, standing and staring at the Jolly Roger. Immediately, she unclasped her hand from Robin's, determined to not flaunt their domestic bliss. Regina and Emma shared a weak smile, and the brunette began to approach the blonde alone. Emma, however, responded by gently shaking her head and then magically removing herself from Regina's view. The pair hadn't spoken since that morning at Gold's shop. A few laconic texts had been Emma's replies to her efforts. Henry had taken her a lasagna that he reported remained uneaten.

"You need to help her Mom," Henry all but pleaded quietly.

"I'm not the best person to help her right now, Henry. All this happened because she was saving me."

"If it weren't you, it would have been for someone else," Henry reasoned, though admittingly was unsure if his ma would have so valiantly become the Dark One for anyone else. "Besides, she put a magical barrier around her house to keep everyone out yesterday. So, it has to be you." Regina's ability to conceal her shock was absent. She had been concerned for Emma these past few days but knew that between the Charmings and Henry, she was, at least, not completely secluded from humanity.

"I'll talk to her, after the funeral, okay?"

"Thanks, Mom," Henry said brightly now he had manipulated his mother successfully. "Can I say something totally inappropriate?" Regina raised an eyebrow in wonderment. "I'm not sad he's dead. Not really. I'm just sad Ma is sad."

"If it helps, I feel the same," Regina said before tentatively adding, "I still hadn't forgiven him for the part he played when I was tortured." Henry's gentle nod showed he thought his mother's point was valid.

"We should probably look appropriately sorrowful though," Henry surmised as he showed his best attempt at doing so before adding, "even if Ma could have done better."

"Henry!"

"You think it too!" Henry exclaimed with a slightly high-pitched voice, complete with adamant hand gestures. His mother glared at him with a look that suggested he was in fact, correct.

"I was happy that Emma was happy. That's what best friends do. Support each other even when you do not necessarily agree."

"Sure Mom. Best friends," Henry muttered as he rose leaving Regina perplexed as to what had transpired.

* * *

It had rained non-stop the entire day; the weather echoing the mood of mourners who had come to pay their respects. Emma had felt the town drill its eyes into her from all angles for every minute that this public appearance had endured. Her stoic and monosyllabic nature drew looks of concern from everyone. Emma's torment was complete as she experienced near suffocating pity from her parents.

As the trickle of mourners left Granny's, full from cups of tea and sandwiches, Emma stood awkwardly, scanning the crowd. Robin had dutifully been by Regina's side the entire day, however, at this moment the Mayor sat alone in a booth nursing her drink as she stared blankly forward. Emma seized on this opportunity and sat across from Regina without invitation.

"You seem happy," Emma blurted out.

"I don't follow." Regina had ensured she had maintained an expression of regret and sorrow for the entirety of Hook's funeral and burial.

"With Robin and the kids. The domestic life, it suits you." Regina didn't know how to respond, and her entire reaction consisted of shuffling in the booth uncomfortably. "It's a good thing, Regina." The blonde continued to shock and confuse the brunette as she rested her hand over her own. A gentle squeeze followed, accompanied with a comforting smile before it was abruptly removed, as though Emma felt it was too forward.

"Thank you," Regina replied with an air of hesitation.

"You're great with Henry, too. I have confidence you will continue to be." Both glanced at their shared son, before once again looking directly at each other. Regina tried desperately to read Emma, to comprehend what it was she was trying to convey without words; to know how to keep their dialogue flowing.

"Are you alright Emma?" Regina instantly berated herself at the idiocy of the question she just posed.

"I can't bring myself to say goodbye to them," she said looking towards her parents who were laughing with Henry who was tossing a giggling Neal into the air. "I would do it again. Take the darkness for you. Never think that I regret that decision."

Regina's brain couldn't even process Emma's words before the blonde rose and exited Granny's through the back, glancing briefly at her family as she passed.

* * *

The rain didn't cease throughout the evening, and Regina barely slept as she heard the drops patter on the bedroom window. She watched Robin as he slumbered soundly, silently refreshing her gratitude that Emma had saved him in Camelot. There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her in a way that only True Loves could.

Her mind had quickly wandered to thinking of the Savior though, whom she knew was alone once again in her large empty home that was supposed to mark a new beginning for her and Hook. Despite Emma's attempt at pushing her away and sudden flair for dramatic exits, Regina knew she couldn't allow Emma to continue to live like this any longer. Emma had looked drained, lost, and tormented. She reprimanded herself for not even asking about the dagger and wondered if Emma could still hear it. By the time the sun was ready to rise, Regina's mind was awake and running fast, desperate to force the Sherriff into a conversation that she wouldn't escape from.

"Going to see Emma?" Robin whispered as his consciousness started to become full.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Regina murmured back as she continued to creep. Suddenly, her back straightened and her look turned inquisitive. "Why do you assume I'm going to see Emma?"

"There's no one else you'd get up this early for. Except me," he flirtingly added as his eyes started to mentally undress the impeccably clothed Mayor.

"I just want to see if she's okay. Something seemed off yesterday. Other than the obvious."

"And you blame yourself for what Emma is experiencing." Regina stared back at him, knowing she didn't need to speak to communicate he was completely right.

"I won't be long," Regina said, leaning in to kiss him goodbye. A cloud of purple smoke replaced the queen which left Robin chuckling at how special his girlfriend was.

* * *

Regina materialized on the sidewalk outside Emma's house and was immediately surprised that the bug was absent. With her plans faltered, the brunette was about to return home, when she noticed something on Emma's front door, which caught and shimmered in the emerging morning light. With her curiosity sufficiently piqued, Regina moved purposefully towards it, until she recalled that Henry had said the house was magically protected. Not wanting to experience early morning gymnastics as she was forced back, the Mayor lifted her hands to attempt to penetrate the invisible barrier. Regina didn't sense any magic though. Her hand crossed the threshold of the fence into the garden without resistance. Becoming alarmed, Regina instinctively pushed the white gate open and quickly walked to the front door; her rapid footsteps the only rhythm faster than her heartbeat.

Regina's eyes went wide, and tears started to build as she read the handwritten letter that had fluttered in the morning's light breeze. She absorbed every aspect of the note, utterly disbelieving the words Emma had written.

**I need some space and time away from Storybrooke. I won't be far away if there's magical trouble and/or you need me. I'll call in a few days. Please forgive me for leaving like this. It was just too hard to say goodbye. Love, Emma.**

It had been a long time since Regina felt as she did at this moment: heartbroken.


	2. Reinvention

Emma sat in her idling bug, a hundred yards past the Storybrooke sign. She hesitated, knowing that she could turn back now and no one would ever know that she had left. However, her mind was finally clear. She heard nothing; it was quiet, peaceful. Something she hadn't felt in so long that she wasn't sure she had remembered what it felt like. It restored her conviction, her smile, her sense of hope. Emma resolutely put her yellow car into gear and drove straight, not knowing where she was going or where the road would take her.

By dawn, Emma had unknowingly taken a path to the outskirts of the nearest city, Portland. Her route hadn't been direct, with her weaving in and out of several small towns, searching for a place she could call home that was close to her family. Emma was perfectly aware she wasn't acting rationally; she didn't have a plan, a destination, a goal. She was just driving, enjoying the freedom solitude offered. When she saw a sign stating Portland was only twenty miles away, she took the exit and entered the city as the sun rose.

* * *

What confused Emma that morning was that she felt excited. Excited that she could start afresh and make her own choices. Within hours, she got a room at a hotel and ordered Chinese food. She loved having space and that there was no judgment as she ate food on the bed while watching cooking shows. After a long soak in the tub, Emma slept peacefully for nearly two days.

On the fifth day, she found a small one-bedroom, second-floor apartment which she liked, could afford, and was close to downtown. She was thankful for the money she had saved during her time as Sheriff. Hazard pay had accumulated into quite the nest egg in only a few short years. It meant she could minimally furnish the place to an acceptable standard so Henry could come and visit. When she had called Regina to ask if such an arrangement would be amenable, the brunette, like her family, had been terse but seemed to warm quickly as she learned Emma was safe. Emma's first few weeks in the city were purposefully hectic once she awoke from her two-day hibernation. She never wanted to stop and think about recent traumatic events and what she had left behind.

It wasn't long before Emma developed a routine that suited her disposition as she contemplated what to do with her life. Breakfast equaled sitting alone in a booth in the diner underneath her apartment, devouring a blueberry muffin, and reading magazines such as Portland Monthly to discover all the hidden gems the city had to offer. She loved and missed the culture of city life. With Portland being small, everything was just minutes away. She was happily working her way through all the attractions Portland had to offer. Emma had quickly concluded that this was a place she could call home.

Her breakfast would always end with an in-depth internet search for job listings on her laptop. She didn't have many qualifications, just a high school diploma, so she knew her options would be limited. Returning to the life of a bail bonds person wasn't appealing, and neither was anything directly linked to law enforcement. It meant her previous work experience wasn't of much use either. She had, however, found some temporary employment as a cashier at the corner store. She had only worked there a few weeks, but Emma had liked the job, the hours were flexible, and it almost covered the bills. Most evenings would entail a long run through the city before calling Henry to ask about his day. It was only late at night that her mind had a chance to wander.

* * *

Emma had seen enough as she navigated the truth of Henry's book that she believed destiny and fate were both present and influential. How they played a part in the real world was something she hadn't thought about. Until, one morning, when she was awoken by a dog barking in the distance. It caused Emma to toss and turn, until eventually, she succumbed, rose, and went to the diner below hours earlier than she ever had before. She was surprised to find it full of boisterous firemen who had evidently just completed a shift. Emma smiled in their direction and took a seat at the bar, as her usual booth was occupied. Although the firehouse was across the street from her apartment, which had been the reason for its vacant, inexpensive status, she hadn't yet interacted with anyone that worked there. Therefore, it surprised her when a rugged, toned man in his thirties approached.

"Good morning, Emma. May I?" He asked, indicating the seat next to her.

"How do you..."

"Know your name? You can thank Abby for that," he explained indicating the waitress who worked the morning shift during the week.

"Oh." Emma's hadn't given permission for him to sit and the fireman stood awkwardly looking to Abby for guidance. Emma, meanwhile, just wasn't ready to form any kind of rapport with anyone. She certainly didn't want to be hit on before she had consumed her coffee.

"So, you're new in town?" The confident man asked in a final attempt to get Emma to engage.

"I really don't want to be rude, but I'm exhausted, and I just got out of a serious relationship," Emma began to explain, only for the man to raise his hands in the act of surrender.

"Oh, no no no, that's not what this is. I mean you're beautiful, obviously..." he stated while using hand gestures to indicate Emma's body, his nervousness now more apparent as his confidence took a dive.

"Oh," Emma said blushing and unable to make eye contact. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's fine. I'm Ryan. I was wondering if you wanted to come to our fundraiser BBQ on Saturday?" Ryan offered a flyer to show his legitimacy. Emma browsed it quickly, still feeling the heat of her embarrassment.

"I'll try. I might be working, and my son will be visiting."

"Bring him; kids love to sit in the truck and wear a helmet."

"He's a teenager," Emma replied dryly with a slight roll of her eyes as she imagined Henry's expression if she forced him to sit in a fire engine.

"You can't possibly be old enough to have a teenager." Emma raised her eyebrows showing he was flirting again whether he meant to or not. "I'm just observing, that you, well, you're…"

"Thanks for the flyer. I'll try and stop by." Ryan gave a bright smile and left the blonde alone. Emma nursed the remainder of her coffee in silence, listening to the laughter and camaraderie that emerged from the firefighters while they celebrated a birthday. Without realizing it, Emma thought that she might just fit in there.

* * *

Much to Emma's amazement, Henry was thrilled that part of his birthday weekend would be spent at a firehouse. Unbeknownst to all, his inner child thrived at getting to sit in the truck, pull the horn, and feel the weight of the oversized helmet. It was a childhood moment that he and Emma had missed out on and he relished feeling like he was ten. Emma couldn't resist taking a few pictures and even sent one to Regina so she too could feel the same motherly tingle. In truth, she was grateful the older woman had been so accommodating, allowing Henry to visit frequently and especially for his birthday. She wanted to repay her in any manner she could.

The event was like a small-town fair, with stalls filled with homemade confectioneries, candles, and patchwork quilts. There were games to play and plenty of food to purchase. Emma hadn't expected the event to be so large but then realized it was the annual fundraiser and the entire community seemed to have turned out.

"Glad you could stop by, Emma. Um, Miss Swan," Ryan said as he stood behind the firefighter information and recruitment booth.

"Hi, Ryan. This is Henry, my son."

"Ah, we met before. He showed me the truck," Henry said while enthusiastically shaking the man's hand once more.

"I didn't realize he was yours. Shame you're not a bit older. You looked the part earlier," Ryan remarked with a welcoming grin.

"I'll keep that career track in mind, thanks. Ma, I'm going to get a soda, want one?"

"Sure thing, Kid." Henry's departure left an awkward air between the pair and Emma began to shuffle her feet, unsure of how to navigate out of this social situation.

"Well here's our recruitment pack, in case he wants to read up on it later," Ryan said as a diversion. "I'm in charge of such things here, so he can call me to chat about it anytime."

"Thanks, I, um..."

"So, I can take you for coffee?" Ryan blurted out. His abruptness made the request comical.

"Ryan, you seem like a nice guy, you really do..."

"But?" He had soulful brown eyes that Emma almost couldn't resist.

"But my… I'm not sure what he was exactly… He died a month ago. I'm not looking for anything." Emma admitted. Sometimes opening up and telling the truth was the easiest path to take.

"How about we enter the friend zone then? You're new in town, so you probably need someone to go bowling with?"

"Bowling?" Emma was taken aback and puzzled by the specificity of the suggestion. She hadn't bowled in nearly a decade.

"There's drinking...?" Emma began to smile, and he knew he was winning her over. "Bayside Bowl. We play Sunday nights. Here's my number. Call me for details later." Emma took his business card and nodded before slowly backing away to find Henry.

* * *

Emma leaned back on her apartment door, closing it in the process. It had been a short drive home from the bus station, and she missed Henry desperately already. Their weekend was reminiscent of the year they had lived together in New York, and that was the life Emma wanted now. Kicking off her shoes was next on her agenda before she pulled out the Chinese leftovers from the night before. Eating the lo mein cold with chopsticks, Emma began to pace around her apartment, her restlessness growing. Henry had instigated it by asking what she was going to do now. Who was she going to be in this new life, what was her story going to be? Her honest answer was she didn't know.

Emma spotted the tuxedo cat that had made its home outside her window. He was there all day every day but would never let her or Henry approach. Henry had finally named him Boris. She picked out some of the chicken and set it out for him. Once the window was closed, he ate it. Typical. Emma sighed heavily as she sunk into her couch and continued to shovel noodles into her mouth, even though hunger wasn't one of the things she felt. She reached for her laptop to read the want ads again, only for her movement to be stifled when she saw the firefighter recruitment pack that lay next to it. Henry had apparently left it behind. Out of idle interest, she started to flip through the various pages until she was consumed by them.

An hour later, the pack had been spread across the living room floor with each step of the process laid out chronologically. She would need to go to school to train and be licensed as a basic EMT, pass the grueling physical assessment, and then an interview. All of that was dependent on whether she could first pass the written exam about fire knowledge, which was only offered once a year and was just a month away from now. Her application would need to be handed in by the end of next week. EMT classes would start then too. Emma wasn't sure if she was even eligible if her work as Sheriff could be used as suitable work experience. She breathed a sigh of gratitude that she had at least earned her high school diploma in prison.

Emma's mind might have been a whirlwind figuring out how she could possibly get all the pieces in place in such a short span of time, but she didn't hesitate. Before Henry was home, Emma had called Regina for a reference, established which class she needed to take at Southern Maine Community College, and ordered her textbooks from Amazon. She had called Ryan to meet up with her so she could get some hints about the exam and be assured she wasn't crazy by someone in the profession. There was no concern in her mind that she was now in her thirties and starting a new life, for it was the freshness and direction of this path that brought enthusiasm. Being the Savior wasn't something she ever fully accepted in Storybrooke, but the desire to help flowed through her. She was as sure about this as she was about the love she felt for her son.

Emma would never be able to explain why she opened the pack, what inspired her curiosity; all that mattered from then on was she never looked back. She had a sense of purpose once again.

* * *

Emma sat in the third row of the small, open-plan classroom attempting to not outwardly show her nerves. She was mentally listing the items in her backpack, deliberating if she had brought everything, if she should take out her textbook, whether she would she need pen and paper or her laptop. There was only one other person in the room, a scrawny teenager, and Emma began to wonder if she was in the right place or if she was just so early that no one else was here yet. A spot in the night class had been the only one available, and she had left excessively early to beat traffic and find the building. She pulled out her phone and saw that Henry had sent an encouraging text which helped alleviate her anxiety. He had been exuberantly supportive and had even gone supplies shopping with her. Her mind wandered to contemplating how her life had changed in the past two months, how ridiculous it felt. Not as ludicrous as fairy tales, but close, she mused. The room filled as the clock approached five-thirty with a demographic mix fitting for any modern urban area, and Emma relaxed.

"I've randomly assigned you a partner, who you will work with on the practical aspects of the course," their soft-spoken instructor announced as an afterthought as he concluded his introductory lesson. All twenty-four students had briefly introduced themselves at the beginning of the class and Emma was grateful she remembered who Lynsey Masters was. Mostly because she was the only other female in the class whose goal was to be a firefighter.

"Hi, I'm Emma," she said as she approached the well-toned brunette who was still packing her laptop away.

"Partners?" Lynsey replied with an unmistakable air of hope.

"Yeah, I should tell you that I've never done this studying thing before. It's all new to me." Emma was showing the shy side to her personality, one that she hadn't used in Storybrooke.

"No worries. I haven't been in school for a while either; needed a new direction I suppose." Once Lynsey had finished gathering her belongings, the pair started to walk towards the parking lot and continue their polite banter. By the time they were outside, Emma had established that Lynsey had grown up in Augusta, before moving south to work as a teller in a bank. She lived alone and was proud of her Lego collection. Emma, in return, gave a rather truncated version of her personal history. Their conversation had moved onto the upcoming entrance exam by the time Emma's yellow bug was in sight.

"Yeah, I started studying a couple of weeks ago. I'm glad it's multiple choice," Emma asserted with a light chuckle as she motioned they were at her car.

"If you don't know, guess B. See you on Thursday, Swan," Lynsey said as they parted ways. Emma took a deep breath in relief when she sat in her bug and let all of her nervous tension dissipate. She texted Henry quickly to tell him he had been right and set off to the bar a few blocks down from her apartment where she was due to meet Ryan and a few of her, hopefully, future co-workers. On her way though, she noticed Lynsey sitting at the bus stop, oblivious to the world as she tapped along to music only she could hear through headphones.

"Want a ride?" Emma called after stopping in front of her.

"Oh, no it's fine. It's a just a few blocks. The bus will be here in a few minutes," Lynsey replied, waving Emma off.

"How about a few beers with some firefighters?" There was no denying it, Lynsey was energized by the prospect. She hadn't told Emma yet, but she'd grown up around firefighters. Her father had been one before cancer had claimed his life three years earlier. She loved the vibe a firehouse had and couldn't wait to reinsert herself into that world. It was this desire that had prompted her to apply. With a little skip in her step, Lynsey got in the bug, and they drove to the bar.

* * *

While Emma continued to shoot some pool, Lynsey was using her natural charisma to get the bartender's attention. Classic rock was playing over the speakers and she, like Emma, was on a high from thinking about her future.

"How do you know Swan?" Ryan asked as he leaned in.

"EMT class. We just met," she said with an air of confidence as she looked back at the blonde and, without subtlety, looked her up and down. Ryan noticed immediately and was confused by the infringement on his possible territory, even though they were now firmly friends.

"Barking up the wrong tree there. Emma's straight," he said showing a consolation smile. Lynsey turned to face him, sizing up her opponent. He was handsome, a little rough around the edges, but seemed like the boy next door all grown up.

"We'll just see about that." She nudged the man playfully, paid for the beers, and returned to the blonde who had the balls racked up for the next frame. Ryan chuckled as he watched them; there was definitely chemistry, and Emma seemed more at ease than he had ever seen her. He picked up a few nuts from the bowl and tossed them into his mouth, washing them down with the last of his beer. He knew the friend zone was where he would forever reside and silently, he was okay with that.

* * *

Boris, who tried to sleep the morning away on the windowsill, was still suffering anxiety from watching Emma pace around her apartment all morning. The mail came around noon and with it, the envelope that would probably determine the blonde's future. She had tried to ease her tension through running, cleaning her house, and, with minimal success, studying. Now, though, she was perfectly still, staring at the unopened exam results. She thought back to the questions. She knew she'd answered some wrong, but she only needed seventy of the hundred to be right. She had never studied for anything like this in her life, and everything she was doing depended on this. Her phone trilled next to her, and a picture of her son in the fire truck lit up the screen.

"Hey, Kid."

"Well?" Henry was cutting to the chase, no small talk.

"I haven't opened it. What if I failed Henry?"

"Then you'll retake it next year, with more prep time and you'll nail it." His words were confident, and it was exactly what she needed to hear. He heard only silence from his mother's end. "Now, Ma."

Emma put the phone on speaker and played with the envelope for a few seconds before tearing it open. She stared at it, and a tear began to fall from her left eye, while her breathing increased slightly.

"Eighty-one, Kid. I got eighty-one."

"See Ma! I told you!" The joy in his voice was unrestrained.

"Yeah, you did." Emma could barely speak due to the relief she felt.

"I gotta get back to class, but we will definitely celebrate this weekend. Love you Ma."

"Love you too."

After the call ended, Emma sat there for a few minutes silently, allowing herself to process her accomplishment. It was actually happening. Her basic EMT class was going well, better than well if she was honest. Shereveled, momentarily, in how normal her life was. Class, work, training. There were no monsters, no portals, no curses. Just real life. And she loved her place in it.

* * *

It had been a grueling day of training behind the firehouse. Simply wearing a fifty-pound vest, to simulate firefighter gear, was taking its toll on Emma's increasingly muscular frame. Between that, her hard hat, the boots, and the long pants, merely standing still was physically exhausting.

"I think it takes me four hours to complete this course currently. That does include the CPR needed between the events, though. How the heck am I going to do this in ten minutes and twenty seconds?" Lynsey half jested as she guzzled more water. Emma took off her hat and selfishly felt relieved that she felt better than the brunette looked.

"We have three more months. We can do this. Besides, at least you didn't knock over all the cones on the hose drag like I did," Emma replied, laughing at her last time trial. She knew she lacked coordination at times, but this performance was frankly embarrassing. When she fell at the end, it really sealed it. Emma knew she was fit, but she just wasn't strong enough yet to do this job. Her muscles were screaming.

"How are you doing ladies?" Ryan called as he approached. "Real eye-opener, huh?" He was looking rather smug with his official clipboard. Torturing possible candidates was an aspect of his job he thoroughly enjoyed.

"Glad it's over for today," Lynsey conceded, showing an element of self-defeat.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you did better than some of the guys out there." Rya

n was trying to be reassuring, but he had doubts about Lynsey. Emma, on the other hand, showed promise. One thing the department needed was more female firefighters, and he had hope Emma would make it on the first attempt. "How about you get cleaned up, and we all go get some pie?"

"I can't. My family is on their way for my birthday." Emma regretted her words instantly and crinkled her nose at what she was about to be inundated with.

"You never told me!" Lynsey exclaimed, her life force suddenly restored.

"It's no big deal. I just haven't seen them in a while, so they're coming for dinner." She flickered her eyes between Ryan and Lynsey and debated momentarily if her two lives could intertwine. "You guys should stop by. Paciarino, it's just down the road, on the corner of Cross and Fore. Say around seven-thirty?" Emma was beginning to stutter slightly, her nerves showing.

"Sounds great, Swan." Ryan smiled after his parting words and went to talk to other trainees. Looking back he saw the two women smile at each other as sweet giggles filled the air.

* * *

Much to Emma's surprise, it wasn't just Henry, Snow, David, and Neal that had made the trip into the city to shower her with love and gifts, but Regina and Robin too. Within minutes, Emma had been flooded with hugs, well wishes, and comments on how well she looked. It was true; the pale complexion that had become her trait in recent years was gone. Her hair was once again down, and her curls bounced with a life of their own.

"You need to be my sister and brother-in-law tonight," Emma said awkwardly to her parents. "I've invited a couple of people. My friends."

"We can do that!" Snow was over-the-top excited and hugged her daughter again. Emma was desperate for a little personal space and turned to greet Regina and Robin properly to achieve this.

"It's good to see you both. Thank you for coming. And thank you for allowing Henry to come to the city so often." It was repeating a sentiment that had been conveyed over the phone and via texts, but never in person, for they hadn't seen each other since the funeral. "I'm sorry about the way I left," Emma added sheepishly.

"We understand, Emma," Robin offered as he saw the emotions rise in his girlfriend. "You kept in touch, and we always knew you were safe and happy." Robin's words echoed previous conversations with her parents, but Emma barely heard them as she looked deep into Regina's eyes. "And we appreciate the excuse to leave the children with a babysitter," he said with a slight wink towards Regina, who also was only giving him part of her attention.

"I've missed you," Emma said before unexpectedly hugging the brunette. Regina felt Emma quiver slightly underneath her fingers as she closed her eyes briefly to savor the moment. Once they broke apart, Emma turned her attention to her brother while Regina struggled to recollect if they had ever hugged before and wondered why they hadn't when it felt so natural. Regina didn't even get the chance to tell her that she had missed her too. She felt a reassuring squeeze of her hand from Robin as she quietly watched a happy, playful Emma Swan.

It didn't take long after Ryan and Lynsey arrived for the tension of the night to dispel entirely. Ryan shared tales of fighting fires, David regaled his latest arrest, Snow embarked on a long conversation about new teaching methods, and Robin chimed in with his hunting adventures. They were the big rowdy table in the corner of the restaurant that other customers rolled their eyes at, while secretly wanting to be part of.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me," Robin whispered into Emma's ear once Regina's attention was firmly directed at Henry. Emma's eyes went wide as she stared at Regina and Henry and felt a pang in her heart of which she couldn't pinpoint the origin. She recovered quickly though, and smiled at the man, knowing he loved Regina more than life itself.

"That's fantastic!" Emma replied enthusiastically, but discretely.

"So, I have your permission?" Emma looked at him confused. "I'll have to ask Henry of course, but you are the guardian of Regina's heart. You saw the good in her when no one else did, you fought for her happiness. I respect that, so yes I am asking for your blessing."

"If you put her first and make her happy, then you will always have my blessing." Emma was assertive before they both stared at Regina who was still listening to an animated story Henry was telling.

"I have to take off," Lynsey said as she stood from the table. Dinner had long since been eaten, and most of the glasses were empty; the night was winding down. "Thanks for inviting me," she added as she pulled on her coat.

"Yeah, me too; got a shift in the morning. I'll give you a ride," Ryan added, seizing the natural opportunity to make his exit too. "Was great meeting all of you," he added as Lynsey implied she felt the same before Emma escorted her friends to the door.

"You owe me ten bucks," Henry proclaimed towards Robin.

"We had a bet on which one she was dating," Robin clarified as he handed over the bill. "It has to be the girl." Robin polished off his whiskey as everyone at the table stared at the trio to see if Henry had been right.

Regina didn't see anything that indicated she was involved with either of them as they continued to laugh and exchange hugs. That was until she watched Emma lean in and kiss Lynsey on the lips and then touch their foreheads together.

* * *

Weeks passed by for Emma in a blur. She had barely noticed that Thanksgiving had come and gone. She had a workout routine that was showing dividends every time they did practice drills. Her basic EMT training was on course for a pass, and she was already preparing for her EMT-B license exam. Her shifts at the store were at times tedious, but they at least didn't equate to sitting in her car in the freezing cold for most of the night.

The first cold snap of the winter was when Emma finally coaxed Boris inside. A week later, she got a collar on him and then to the vet for a checkup and his shots shortly after. By the end of the month, Emma was officially his slave.

Emma hadn't allowed her and Lynsey's relationship to progress, and the brunette seemed to understand her reasons that included grief, their classmate status, and her strict focus on getting her life together. Emma had held back though to soften the blow. She was undoubtedly attracted to her and when in Lynsey's presence, Emma felt alive. However, Emma couldn't commit. It didn't feel like love, and that was all Emma was interested in pursuing.

* * *

"Home for the holidays," Emma muttered in the crisp night air as she exited the bug on the non-magical side of the Storybrooke town line. She took a deep breath before carefully crossing the threshold to test the physical effect magic would have. Instantly, Emma could hear the dagger and everything she had been repressing in her time away came flooding to the forefront of her mind. She took a step back and felt immediately better outside the sphere of magic.

"Emma?" Regina called softly as she reflexively stroked her upper arm, for it appeared the blonde was in pain.

"I'm fine, Regina. It was just a lot to absorb." Emma didn't question how Regina sensed she had entered the town but was grateful she had materialized instantly.

"Yes, I'd say you are," Regina joked as she squeezed Emma's bicep. "I hear congratulations are in order, once again."

"Thanks. It wasn't too hard in the end." Of course, Henry had relayed that she had passed her EMT-B course and the subsequent license exam.

"Give yourself more credit Emma." It was then the diamond ring on Regina's finger glinted in the moonlight. Regina had come to Emma's aid so quickly, she hadn't dressed appropriately for the elements.

"He asked! Congratulations!" Emma said gleefully before throwing herself into Regina's body for the second hug in their relationship.

"Thank you. So, how is everything with you, romantically?" The awkwardness that Regina exuded made Emma laugh and affirm once more that she missed her.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Oh, you're just casually sleeping together?" Regina was relentless, for Henry had been less than forthcoming with the details. Just that he'd seen them together after her birthday.

"No, nothing like that. We're just friends."

"We're friends, and Henry never caught us exchanging body fluids." They shared a playful look that quickly lead to a tension releasing smirk.

"Come to the mansion. I'll put up a silencing spell; it might keep the dagger out." Regina offered, understanding the blonde's predicament without it having to be clarified. She knew how Henry's heart would ache if Emma weren't around to enjoy the holiday celebrations. Not to mention the Charmings, who were about to explode with excitement that their daughter was coming home for a few days.

"It's worth a try," Emma conceded, gesturing to Regina that she should get in the bug. "So, when's the wedding?"

"Not now Miss Swan, not now." Emma knew there was more to that story and she was more desperate to unwrap that tale than the presents lying under the tree.

* * *

"Welcome to the bottom of the food chain, Swan." Ryan practically cheered as Emma completed her physical exam perfectly in ten minutes, nine seconds.

"Interview, remember," Emma said, panting for air. Her lungs were burning. She understood why forty percent of men failed and less than ten percent of women passed. No matter how bad her body felt, though, she was elated. She would never know what it felt like to win an Olympic medal, but this, this seemed as close as she would get to that sense of personal, physical accomplishment.

"I know the guy that makes that call, firefighter Swan." They both like the sound of her new name, and she nudged his arm as a way to show her appreciation. She knew that he really meant candidate firefighter Swan but even that had a marvelous ring to it.

They both watch as Lynsey tackled the last task, for her time trial began right after Emma's. She knew her allocated time had already expired, but she kept going anyway, wanting to put down the best time she could. Lynsey completes the course in eleven minutes flat. In a few months, she can try again. Emma and Ryan share a look. Emma was especially conflicted on how to console Lynsey when she was ecstatic. Luckily, Lynsey was the one to brush the elephant aside for them.

"Well, I think drinking is in order. We need to celebrate Emma's success!" Lynsey said with so much enthusiasm that it was beyond possible for her sentiment to be genuine. What Emma wanted most was a shower and to wear something that wasn't made of fire-retardant material. Though, honestly, after that, a proper celebration at the bar sounded like heaven.

Their usual watering hole was busier than normal for a Wednesday night due to the celebrations of the latest trainees. Emma hadn't bought a drink all night, yet she was never short of a beer or a tequila shot to keep her buzz in the happy zone. Lynsey loosened up after a couple of drinks, and when several firefighters told her they had failed the first time too, she seemed to relax and begin to be genuinely happy for Emma.

She liked what she was seeing in the blonde that night. It was like the weight had been lifted off her shoulders and, with the liquid courage coursing through her veins, she didn't hesitate. She pulled the pool cue out of Emma's hands before crashing their lips together. Emma stepped back, knowing where Lynsey's intentions were leading. This time, she didn't over analyze and surveyed the woman. She grabbed her red leather jacket with one hand and Lynsey with the other. In minutes, they were in her apartment, and it wasn't long until neither were wearing anything at all.

* * *

Emma's eyes creaked, adjusting to the searing sun that was pouring in through the open curtains. Her head was pounding, her mouth dry, and her eyes felt heavy. She looked at the clock, which read 11:21, groaned and went to roll over before discovering an asleep, naked Lynsey next to her. Emma sighed, with a hint of regret, before carefully getting up and pulling on sweats and t-shirt. She was devouring glasses of water as the coffee percolated when she heard a knock at the door. Emma opened it warily, surprised to find a slightly harassed Regina Mills standing before her.

"Celebrated a little hard last night?" Regina remarked as she trundled into the blonde's apartment. "I need to talk to you about something, and it's an in-person sort of thing." Regina's words almost ran together, and she barely acknowledged the layout of Emma's home before staring into tired green eyes.

"Okay...coffee?" Emma asked hopefully. She needed some in her system before she could handle whatever news Regina had traveled to divulge.

"Oh god, yes," Lynsey moaned as she exited the bedroom, grateful she had heard the brunette's voice and had fully dressed.

"Oh," Regina said, almost stammering. "I'm sorry... I didn't realize," she continued backing towards the door as her eyes flickered between the two women.

"Oh, no. Please stay Regina. I need to get home anyway," Lynsey asserted as she grabbed a to-go cup from the counter and poured herself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Reflexively, she kissed Emma goodbye before whispering in her ear, "I'll call you later, Swan." Politely, she nodded at Regina before leaving.

Emma and Regina stood in the fresh silence, neither certain of how to proceed toward a normal conversation. Regina wasn't sure what she was feeling, why she was shocked. Emma felt like a kid who had come home well after curfew, though she didn't understand why.

Emma gestured to the coffee pot indicating they should brush over the last few minutes. They sat at the breakfast bar on the rickety stools Emma had bought at a garage sale. Their proximity only increased the tension between them though. Emma observed the brunette as she sipped her coffee and her eyes surveyed the blonde's less than impressive domain. Cozy would be the spin term for it. Emma's eyes roamed and began noticing things about Regina she hadn't really appreciated before.

The way her hands cradled the cup, the meticulousness of her nails, the color of her skin, and how her eyes twinkled as the sunlight danced off them. Her review ended as her focus landed on the scar on her upper lip and Emma wanted nothing more than to touch it. Gently. With her lips.

Emma darted off her stool as though it was on fire and took a few paces away from the woman whose scent was now all she could focus on.

"Are you okay?" Regina asked, concerned at Emma's expression and bizarre behavior.

"Yeah. I'm...uh...I'm gonna take a shower. Then let's go to the diner downstairs and get some food. You can tell me whatever it is you drove here for." Emma didn't even wait for Regina to confirm that her plan was acceptable.

The water from the shower poured over Emma's body as she marveled at how convoluted her life had just become. Yesterday, she had never been with a woman, and now she was in a complicated situation with fantastic, funny, caring brunette.

The problem was, all Emma could think about was another brunette who happened to be standing in her kitchen: Regina Mills.


	3. Scotoma

Regina couldn't explain why she had walked to Main Street rather than teleport herself away from Emma's house that morning. Her journey had instinctively, though reluctantly, taken her to the Charmings' residence, for she felt obligated to deliver Emma's note personally. Surprisingly, her parents, though devastated that they hadn't given appropriate support, accepted Emma's decision without dramatics. By mid-morning, Regina's stroll had brought her back home as she couldn't refrain from informing her son of Emma's decision any longer. She slowly ascended the stairs and looked sadly at her son who was laying on his bed, happily engrossed by whatever was on his laptop screen.

"You're lingering," Henry observed without breaking eye contact with his fully-fledged Empire.

"Your mom, Henry. Emma, she, um, left," Regina quietly uttered before taking a few steps toward her now confused teenager. Regina knew her words weren't the most articulate, nor descriptive, and that she probably should have rehearsed her phrasing. Minimally Regina could have at least waited until Emma returned her messages so she could assure Henry that his mother was safe. Selfishly she thought Henry might be the only call Emma would answer. The Charmings had been unsuccessful at reaching her too. "She left this," Regina said as she handed him the scrawls that his mother had left, even though she knew it explained very little.

Henry read the words slowly in silence before turning to his brunette mother and stating, "yeah, that makes sense to me. It certainly explains why she was so weird yesterday. She kept hugging me; telling me how grown up I was." He was almost dismissive, and it took Regina off-guard.

"You're, okay?" Regina was in disbelief at how well he was taking the news of Emma leaving him once again. He didn't seem worried, dejected, or guilty. All of which she was feeling intensely.

"Yes, Mom. She'll call. She just needs a break; she'll be back." He noticed the sorrow flickering in his adoptive mother's eyes and as a consequence had to ask a question that he knew she couldn't honestly answer. "Are youokay?"

"I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about." Regina ran her fingers through his hair to offer reassurance before she left him to his game. Everyone seemed to have taken the immediate departure of the Savior better than she. "She didn't answer when her parents or I tried to call her, maybe you-"

"Could send a text or something?" His grin did have the desired effect of relaxing Regina. "Sure, Mom. I'll give her a call once I finish this battle." Regina didn't need to speak for him to understand she was grateful.

Instead of moving on with her day, Regina merely walked to her bedroom and stared blankly out the bedroom window, crossing her arms to give herself comfort. The concept of time seemed to evaporate, for her mind was stuck in a loop of thoughts about the blonde. Logically she knew her friend was safe. If anyone was equipped to survive in the land without magic, it was Emma Swan. At the same time, Regina was recalling how it felt to lose someone you loved and how being alone during grief can almost destroy a person.

"I heard about Emma," Robin gently said into her ear as he hugged her from behind. Regina hadn't noticed him enter but was grateful for the security of his touch.

"I didn't help her," Regina said after a moment's pause. Her thoughts had been based around self-blame for Emma's choice to exile herself.

"Henry is calling her now. He was laughing; I think she's fine." He rested his head on Regina's shoulder, and she leaned into it for solace. "She needs space, and she trusts you to take care of everything here so she can do that. You are helping her by just being you." Regina appreciated how supportive Robin was and how he seemingly always had the right words at his disposal to make her feel better about herself. She found truth and perspective in his argument and was able to quiet her racing mind while they stood together, in silence, for several minutes.

"She's in Portland, at a hotel, eating take-out. Kind of jealous actually," Henry announced as he trundled into the room, breaking the couples' sense of solitude. "She said sorry for not picking up; she was driving and getting situated. She'll call you later after she's slept. Anyway, I'm starving now, so I'm going to make lunch. Want some?"

"We'll be right there," Regina affirmed, feeling instant relief while she watched Henry leave as quickly as he had appeared. Robin felt her tension ease as she sank further into his embrace before she turned to kiss him softly.

"See?" He said after their lips parted. "It's all going to be okay."

"Yes, it is," Regina agreed. Emma was safe and close. That's all she had wanted to hear.

* * *

Regina was sitting patiently in her car at the closest bus stop to their secretive hometown waiting for her son's bus to appear. She had arrived twenty minutes early since 'bus stop' was a generous term for what was fundamentally a glorified park bench. The dilapidated gas station that it was connected to did nothing to dissipate her belief that this was a hub for petty crime. It was not a place she wanted Henry to spend even a moment waiting for her alone. Ideally, Regina had wanted to go to the city to collect him, but the logic of travel ease won the battle, and so here she sat. When she heard her phone ring and saw the caller was Emma Swan, Regina immediately assumed the worst.

"What's wrong?"

"Um, nothing that I am aware of." Regina could tell Emma was confused, wondering why her call would cause such alarm and was searching for a possible cause. "Oh, Henry's fine as far as I know. I put him on the bus, which left on time. He should be there in fifteen minutes or so," Emma reasoned, though her voice sounded distracted.

"Are you okay? Can I do something?" Regina really had no platform on which to hazard what could be wrong with Emma at this point.

"Yeah. Um, I need a favor. Well, another one. I need a reference. One that shows I was a Sherriff; a good one, preferably." Regina heard the nervousness in Emma's voice and was pleased she couldn't see her roll her eyes at the request. It was preposterous that she wouldn't comply; Emma's anxious disposition was unnecessary.

"Oh, well, of course, that shouldn't be a problem. What are you applying for?" Regina was delighted that Emma was exploring alternative employment, hoping that this time she would find something to help ease her restlessness that Henry had spoken of.

"I'm applying to be a firefighter." Emma sounded confident and self-assured for the first time during this conversation.

"What?" Was the entirety of the response Regina could muster. She knew they went to the firehouse over the weekend. The picture of Henry in the truck, wearing the helmet, was one she loved instantly and had now become her lock screen. How that equated to Emma adopting this occupation was something she didn't understand.

"Firefighter. As in someone who fights fires. I need the reference for my application."

"Yes. Thank you for that unnecessary clarification." An awkward silence filled the line as Regina wrapped her head around this development, while Emma was secretly hoping she would get the other woman's endorsement. "Will you be safe?" Regina couldn't refrain from letting vulnerability and concern lace her voice.

"Yeah. There's a lot of exams and training that I likely won't pass before I even get to seea fire. It's not like you turn up, get handed a hose, and told to get to it on your first day." Emma may have been jesting, but until an hour ago she had no idea what was involved in pursuing this profession. There was no reason for Regina to be familiar with it either, so some clarity was needed to ease the concerns of danger.

"You can achieve anything you put your mind to. Surely your experience in Storybrooke taught you that." Regina's chuckle was reciprocated by Emma who had taken those words to mean she had the woman's approval.

"So how are things back home? Henry tells me it's a full house now." Emma didn't sound jealous at the notion that Regina's life was becoming increasingly domesticated. The blonde was genuinely interested in how Regina was and the information elicited from Henry, though useful, was never enough to get the entire picture.

"They're very well thank you. It just made sense for him to move-" Regina stopped herself mid-sentence realizing that she and Emma didn't chit-chat about the prosaic elements of their lives. Was this now their dynamic? Could she have this kind of friendship with Emma?

"In?" Emma supplied to finish Regina's hanging words. She felt the apprehension from the brunette, and although a regular conversation was something she craved, she felt the need to reprieve them of this increasingly uneasy dialogue. "I should get going; got a lot to sort out here. Let me know that the Kid is home… I sense he will forget. And thanks again for letting him come this weekend."

"I will email a reference this evening. Good luck, Emma. Call me if you need anything else." It was only when she heard the bus pull in that Regina realized minutes must have passed since the end of their exchange. She had spent that time staring at her phone while her mind reeled at the idea of Emma putting herself in harm's way to protect and save others once again. She wished she had a natural affinity for something else. She shook her mind clear when she saw Henry climb off the vehicle and ran to him, wrapping herself around his torso before they could even say hello.

"Geez Mom, it's only been three days," Henry protested as he tried to break free from Regina's tight, unrelenting hold. He felt that such public displays of affection were becoming ever more inappropriate as his age increased.

"I know, I've just missed you." Regina didn't care what these strangers outside of Storybrooke thought of them. She was just relieved that his journey had been uneventful.

"I would never have guessed," he playfully threw back before starting to make his way to their car.

"Play nice, or I'll keep your birthday presents for myself," Regina threatened, though it was evident based on the spring in her step that it was just a tease. She had no desire to read the comics, play the games, or wear the array of plaid shirts that were wrapped at home waiting for him.

Henry scoffed in response before he played his part of a dutiful son and participated in exchanging trivial small talk about his bus journey and whether or not he was hungry.

"She's good Mom," Henry said flatly as he slumped into the passenger seat. He had assumed this would be like every other occasion when he had seen or spoken to Emma. An immediate concise dissemination was as essential as air.

"I know, we just spoke." Henry looked at his mother in amazement. He assumed that he was having to play the go-between because they weren't able to communicate effectively. His shock spurred Regina, for once, to fill him in. "She needed a reference. It appears she wants to add to her role as a grocery distribution person and become a firefighter now." Once again, her uneasiness at this development could not be completely covered by her sarcastic drawl.

"Yes!" Henry looked upwards as thanked whatever may be watching over them. "It worked!" He added, turning to show his mother his beaming grin. "I left the recruitment pack sitting on the coffee table. I was hoping she would think about it at least. It's such a good fit for her, Mom. She already gets on well with one of the guys there."

"Gets on well?"

"It's not like they're dating. But he got her to smile."

"I guess Hook was easy to get over." Regina's comment was intended as a flippant dig toward the pirate, but both latched onto the truth in her words.

"I, I'm not saying that exactly, but she only had one nightmare during this visit. I can tell she's sleeping more. And better." Regina nodded understanding that Henry was just trying to convey that Emma was healing. "Did you agree to write one? The reference?"

"Of course. I might not agree with Emma literally jumping into flames. However, I will help her any way I can." It was only then that Regina finally recalled the time Emma had saved her in similar circumstances and the thought of it made her smile.

* * *

"I don't understand why we are continuing to do this," Robin volleyed while placing the last of the silverware on the table.

"Because she is my sister and the mother of your child. We need to learn to be cordial. Or, minimally, find a way to be in the same room without there being flying fireballs or threats of taking your daughter to Oz." Robin in return to Regina's words raised his eyebrows and sighed slightly. Her depiction, though comical, wasn't far from an accurate portrayal of recent visits. "We have to find a way to forgive and move on," Regina added with assertiveness as she placed the last wine glass on the table.

"Our family isn't like other families, is it?" He looked apprehensively at his watch as he spoke, realizing that the witch's arrival was imminent.

"In this town, complicated lineages are almost essential to seem ordinary." They shared a smile while Regina used her hands to massage out wrinkles on the tablecloth that weren't there. "We will have these weekly dinners until there is a sense of trust between us."

Abruptly, Zelena appeared in a cloud of green mist, looking as though her presence was a chore with her daughter cradled in her arms.

"Regina," she said with a forced smile as she handed Robin the baby. His face radiated joy as he held his daughter, completely mesmerized by her existence. "She's clean, fed, and changed. Just needs to be put down," Zelena instructed rather than informed the man as she scrutinized him.

"Thank you for dropping by, literally. Would you like a drink, Zelena?" The politeness was nearing absurdity and required an exuberant amount of acting skills from both; for the scene was the same, the dialogue was the same, with only a few details changed. "Do anything wicked this week?" Regina asked, pouring wine into a glass.

"Nothing shameful. There is little use for magic in this pathetic land. You could've created somewhere a bit more, interesting," Zelena scoffed.

"I rather like the small-town atmosphere. I find the woods especially comforting. As do you," Robin observed while throwing Zelena a spiteful look.

"Yes, well the odd dragon or wraith to slay would certainly break up the nappy changing cycle," Zelena explained as she took a bite of the hors-d'oeuvres that Regina had provided. She couldn't help but appreciate the delicate infused flavors; there was no doubt this was the best food she had consumed in this realm. However, she failed to share her opinion with her sister.

"I couldn't agree more. It has been quiet here since…" Regina trailed off, not knowing how to describe their last call to be heroes. "I almost wish you would plot a ridiculous scheme so I would have something else to do other than paperwork."

"Well, that would go against our little pact, wouldn't it? I'd end up back in that basement cell, and you'd take her, so tiddlywinks it is." Zelena sighed heavily at her predicament and proceeded to consume most of her wine in one gulp. "Fill it up darling; mummy needs a proper night off."

Regina and Robin conveyed their surprise to one another before he left to lay his bundle of joy into her bassinet in the nursery he and Regina had decorated. He loved the nights his daughter would stay; it was the main reason he continued this dance of formal dinners. As the evening progressed though, the trio seemed to forget their sparkling history and exchanged selective tales of their former lives. Robin sat slightly awe-struck as the two women talked about learning magic as though it were something as facile as piano lessons. The conversation never stifled as the wine continued to flow.

"So, what do we do now? We've never got this far before…" Zelena wondered aloud as she placed her spoon on her empty plate.

"Um, I don't know, actually. I never expected us to get past soup, let alone pie," Regina quipped while looking at Robin for some guidance.

"I think I read that in this world some cultures now drink coffee or have an after-dinner liquor," Robin supplied with only a slight tinge of hesitancy. Though he had only half a glass of wine, due to his fatherly responsibilities, Robin acknowledged the bottle was now empty. He noted, however, that neither woman was yet inebriated, just relaxed from the courage the alcohol had provided. He silently wondered how this night would progress.

"Alcohol? Now we're talking," Zelena endorsed, meeting Regina's eye who nodded her approval at the choice.

"I make a fine apple cider; would you care for one?" Regina offered.

"If it's that good, several might be in order." Along with her nonchalant demeanor, Zelena's words showed how relaxed the night had become. While Regina and Zelena retreated to the study for their nightcap, Robin indicated that he would take care of the dishes. As he busied himself in the kitchen, he heard laughter filter in from down the hall.

"Sisters," he muttered to himself.

* * *

"Why hasn't she called yet?" Regina pleaded with her son. "I thought you said her mail came before noon." They had spent the last thirty minutes waiting for Henry's phone to ring with the news of Emma's entrance exam results while sitting on a bench in the schoolyard.

"That's what she told me." Henry watched as his mother's leg begin to bounce rhythmically as she looked away. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"What?" Regina nearly barked as she noticed his amusement.

"You seem more nervous than I think she will be." Regina gave him an evil eye and shivered slightly in the cold.

"I just want to know how it went." Henry's observation had been correct. Regina was nervous for Emma. In her time in Storybrooke she hadn't shown an appetite for studious behavior, yet she knew Emma had given this everything and could only hope it was enough.

"How about I call her? I bet she is staring right at it." Henry was astute as always when it came to predicting Emma's behavior; the blonde was glaring at the unopened envelope. Regina could hear the trepidation in Emma's voice and indicated to Henry that he should not reveal that she was sitting there with him. She didn't want to add more pressure to this situation. Silently she wished it were good news as mother and son engaged in conversation.

"Now, Ma," Regina heard Henry say to Emma. Clearly, he was desperate to know too. Regina grabbed Henry's hand as they listened to Emma open the letter and start to cry. Regina and Henry shared a look of deep raw emotional pain for they assumed Emma had failed. "She worked so hard for this," Henry mouthed to his brunette mother, ensuring Emma would not hear. Before Regina had finished nodding that she understood the effort Emma had put into her studies, she heard the blonde proclaim her passing score. The atmosphere changed immediately, causing Henry and Regina to smile broadly at one another, before exchanging an uncharacteristic high-five.

"We should go to Granny's after school for some pie and hot cocoa," Regina announced once he had hung up, knowing that Henry wouldn't be able to resist such an offer.

"Sounds good, Mom," Henry said hurriedly as he grabbed his phone and jogged with happiness back into the school building. He was late for English, but this was worth it.

Regina sat alone on the bench in the empty schoolyard. She couldn't reconcile the opposing feelings she was experiencing. She was equally genuinely happy that Emma's life was finally going in a direction that she was curating for herself, while at the same time feeling the grief that Emma was probably never going to call Storybrooke home again.

She sat for as long as the cool air would comfortably allow, thinking about the woman she missed most and the dangerous life she was pursuing. It was only recollecting the happiness in Emma's voice that she found the strength to accept the change she did not desire.

* * *

Robin had been trying to ascertain how to approach the topic of Emma and Lynsey during the short, silent taxi ride to their hotel from the restaurant. It was evident to him that the pairing irked Regina; their kissing was the catalyst that had brought about the change in Regina's behavior that evening. She was no longer relaxed and laughing. Instead, she became withdrawn from the proceedings, refusing to participate in the jibes and childish teasing the blonde had subsequently received from her family. It was all in good taste, and Emma had taken the banter well, even blushing slightly as she protested that they were just good friends. What he failed to reconcile, as he pondered his opening remarks, was that rumors in the Enchanted Forest of Regina's fluid sexuality were rampant. Therefore, the root of her problem remained perplexing. For him, it meant the only issue lingering was Lynsey as a person, and to him, the woman had seemed like a good match for Emma.

"So, do you want to talk about what's wrong?" Robin finally asked as he removed his belt and shoes before sitting heavily on the bed.

"Nothing is wrong. I thought it was a rather successful evening," Regina stated clearly as she removed her heels and sat next to him.

"It was. Emma looks well; she seems happy." Robin was prodding, hoping that Regina would be honest with him and express what she was feeling.

"She does." When Regina indicated this was all she would say on the matter, Robin became frustrated and adopted a blunter approach, opting to raise the issue directly.

"Lynsey seems like a lovely woman, funny, smart-"

"Don't you think she's moving on too fast though? From Hook?" Regina's words were hurried, showing she had been debating this before Lynsey's name had been mentioned. Simultaneously, she had rapidly turned to face him, searching her boyfriend's eyes for truth and support.

"I thought you didn't think Hook was right for her?" Robin observed, his brain still trying to fit the pieces together.

"Well he wasn't, but it's only been a few months. It's too early for Emma to be moving on. She hasn't processed what happened to her yet."

"Oh, you're worried that she will get hurt?" Suddenly things started to make sense to him. Emma's wellbeing had always been a passion of Regina's.

"Yes, what else could possibly be the issue?" Regina threw back, feeling indignant.

"Well, I wondered if it was that you didn't like Lynsey…" Robin felt sheepish and uncomfortable as he stumbled through the rest of his explanation. "…or if it was the fact that it appears Emma is…"

"Bisexual?" Regina helpfully added, finishing the sentence for him. Regina raised her eyebrows at him and exhaled to show how ridiculous she found that comment.

"Well yes. I found it rather surprising, didn't you?"

"I never thought about it," Regina said dismissively. Robin watched Regina's expression contort as it was clear to him she was processing. In fact, in the first year she had known Emma, her sexuality was frequently at the forefront of her thoughts.

"And now that you have is that part of the problem or is it really just that she's moving on too fast?"

"Of course not. Emma can date whoever she likes as long as they are suitable to be around Henry."

"Well, Lynsey is a brunette version of Emma…"

"She's fine. Quite the upgrade from the drunken pirate." Regina rose suddenly and started to pace. Her mind was flooding with fantasies she hadn't explored in years. Mostly they involved verbal sparring with Emma before passionately kissing the blonde to null her argument. It was always followed by tasting the woman as she lay on her Mayoral desk. Since Robin, she had suppressed these thoughts, but now they seemed like a missed opportunity rather than a secretly harbored desire. Had Emma once thought the same, explaining all the tension and energy between them?

"Regina," Robin said softly as he wiped the tears from her eyes. "What's wrong?" His voice was soft, gentle, and reminded Regina of everything she had that was real.

"I want her around. I miss her, but she has a full life there. It's not that I want her to fail, I just, I want her home. I didn't realize how much I liked having her around until tonight." Regina didn't care how vulnerable or emotional she sounded as she spoke these words while her voice broke slightly. It was the first time she admitted out loud what had been silently torturing her for the past few months.

"We don't live that far away. We can visit, often. Bring the kids; stay for the weekend," Robin soothed. Regina relaxed into Robin's torso, absorbing the warmth of his body and feeling comfort by breathing in his scent. He represented safety and love, and she wouldn't allow herself to forget it.

"I'd like that," Regina admitted before meeting his lips with her own. "I'd like that very much."

* * *

It was a picturesque fall day that Robin and Regina had chosen to take a stroll along one of the nature trails that had naturally developed in Storybrooke. They enjoyed that there was no tension between them as they silently walked hand in hand, the sound of their footsteps muted by the crunching of crisp leaves under their shoes.

"Do you need to get back to work right away or can we sit for a while?" Robin asked as he gestured toward the park bench that overlooked the lake once they entered the clearing.

"No, we can sit. I even brought some refreshments." Regina was smiling; she was genuinely happy. Simple moments like these were all she had ever wanted to share with someone. Within minutes, they were sitting and clinking their metal containers full of coffee together. Regina watched the birds as she held his hand.

"I'm worried about you. You've been quiet these past few weeks," Robin gently expressed, hoping that his brutal honesty would break down the walls Regina had been showing him. Initially, he thought he was manifesting his own fears, but when both Zelena and Henry had noticed the same change in Regina, he wanted nothing more than to help.

"I'm fine, honestly. Better than fine." She squeezed his hand and rubbed her thumb over the back of his for reassurance.

"But?" Robin, less than subtly prompted, feeling Regina was holding something back.

"But nothing. I'm, I suppose I'm just adjusting to life being normal again. I didn't realize I was shutting you out." Regina's expression effortlessly conveyed the honesty in her words.

"You mean a life without monsters or people being sucked into vortexes of evil?" Robin was hoping his flippant comment would keep the conversation light enough that it might continue.

"Precisely," Regina confirmed with a heavy sigh. She looked at Robin and tried to articulate all that she hadn't been expressing. She paused, thoughtfully, before concluding, "Since Emma came to town, life has been one life and death adventure after another."

Robin waited for Regina to elaborate. Instead, he watched her shoulders convey resignation and helpfully tried to finish her argument, "And now it's boring since she left?"

"I think the predictability of our recent lives and Emma's relocation have been merely a coincidence." Regina chortled a little while quickly analyzing if the wild adventures would have continued if Emma had been in Storybrooke. The blonde's presence had been a magnet for trouble, whether she went looking for it or not.

"I must confess, I miss the adventures too. Being a hero, it's intoxicating and addictive." Robin shifted on the bench slightly, mirroring the different direction his thoughts were now taking him. "But this life, this one with just you and me, it's all I want."

"Oh Robin, it's all I want too. I'm sorry if I've ever made you doubt that. You're my happy ending." Regina believed her words. She believed in magic, fate, and prophecies.

"And you're mine." Robin looked around and gratefully appreciated they were alone. He felt for the box in his pocket that he had been carrying since late October, waiting for a moment like this. He didn't need the courage to ask the question; it was all he thought about, and now that the brunette had quelled his fears, he didn't hesitate as he got down on one knee.

Regina was surprised as she watched him kneel and felt assured as the warmth from his eyes trickled into her soul. She couldn't resist smiling as she waited, biting her lip slightly as she used these seconds to consider the future the fairy dust had lead her to.

"Will you marry me?" Robin asked simply, flicking the box open, allowing the ring to sparkle in the fall light.

"Yes," Regina replied without hesitation. "I would love to marry you."

* * *

"Wow Mom, the tree looks fantastic!" Henry exclaimed as he emerged from the upper floor with wrapped presents filling his arms. He carefully navigated to it with his obscured vision and started to place the items of various shapes and sizes underneath the spectacularly decorated tree.

"It really does look magnificent," Robin concurred as he offered Regina a glass of warm apple cider. She thanked him with her lips before they sat on the couch by the fire watching Henry.

"Yes, it's-" Regina stopped abruptly as she sensed magical power. "She's here," Regina concluded, rising to her feet. "Something's-…I'll be back." Without further clarification, Regina handed Robin her glass and evaporated into a cloud of purple smoke.

"Well. That was descriptive and not at all alarming," Henry uttered. It was followed by a shared wry smile with the man who he was accepting as a father figure, conveying they both knew exactly where the woman of the house had gone.

"Yes, your mother has quite the flair for the dramatic exit," Robin said, setting Regina's glass on the side table.

"Which one?"

"Touché." They both chuckled before Henry continued to organize the presents under the tree, so they looked more impressive. "Regina will help Emma with the spell if she needs it and they'll be back," Robin assured after sensing the young man was a little apprehensive.

"Yeah," Henry agreed before he began humming Christmas songs and attempted to figure out what his grandparents had bought him by shaking the parcels. He looked back at Robin who seemed a little lost as he sat perched on the sofa, his fingers drumming on the glass, waiting for Regina to return.

"Is everything okay between you and Mom? I heard you guys fighting earlier." Henry had somehow found the audacity to ask the man about his personal life and was surprised when it wasn't met with hostility.

"Oh, sorry. Yes. We just disagree on the wedding arrangements. I want to get married right away, and your mother wants to delay."

"The bride is always right," Henry threw back as sat on his heels and stared worryingly out of the window.

"I'm sure everything is fine." Robin looked at the mantel clock and calculated that she had been gone longer than expected. "They're probably talking. Regina seems just as excited as you about Emma's visit." If anything, Robin was downplaying Regina's attitude. It was like the mere mention of Emma was equal to a shot of caffeine to the Mayor's system.

"Oh god, they're going to spend the entire time discussing wedding plans, aren't they?" Henry groaned and was about to ask Robin more about their argument when he heard the bug pull into the driveway.

"Is it working?" Henry heard Regina ask Emma as he briskly walked to the door to greet them.

"Yeah, I can't hear it. You put it around the whole house?" Emma asked as she took in the elegantly decorated garland that covered the banister.

"For now. I'll talk with Gold about encasing the dagger in the spell so you won't have to walk around town in a personal silent bubble. Though I can see the appeal of that at times, especially when your mother is around." Regina jested, while she subconsciously asked for Emma's outwear. "I'm sorry, I should have thought of it sooner. I didn't know if it would still be a problem," Regina added sadly.

"It's not like I did anything about it," Emma pointed out with a warm smile and a slight giggle.

"You should spend the holidays here then Ma," Henry suggested with exuberant enthusiasm as he threw his arms around his blonde mother.

"We do have a rather comfortable guest room," Robin noted as he welcomed Emma into their home with a glass of cider. Regina and Emma exchanged confused looks that quickly debated the pros and cons of this alternative arrangement. Emma had just assumed she would return to her empty house, a thought that didn't seem appealing. An invite to stay at the mansion sounded far more enticing.

When Emma gave a resigned shrug, Regina announced, "Well, it's settled then. The Charmings can just come and visit you here. I'm sure they will be accommodating once I remind them the alternative is that you're driven insane. Now, are you hungry? There is plenty of pot roast left."

"Sure, I can eat," Emma confirmed as she took a swig of Regina's elixir. It was a taste she had missed. Regina seemed at ease getting to play the hostess and implied Emma should follow her to the kitchen while Henry took his mother's bag to her room.

"I'll go check on Roland and leave you to it." Robin couldn't help but give a little bow before turning to the stairs. He was ecstatic at how at ease Regina appeared and loved that the sound of Regina's laughter was filling the house once again.

"Are you going to tell me why I can't ask about the wedding?" Emma prodded once the two were alone in the kitchen as Regina heated a plate of leftovers.

"He wants our wedding day to be as soon as possible."

"And that's bad because…?"

Regina stared at Emma like she was a two-headed dog. "I'm a Queen, Emma. I want an elegant wedding; one that I can plan."

"Didn't you do that already? Back in the day?"

"Well, it wasn't under the best circumstances. I'd like this one to have positive connotations."

"And Robin isn't willing to wait?" Emma asked, incredulously. She'd always had the impression that Robin would literally do anything for the brunette.

"He is." Emma stared at Regina trying to decipher the hidden clues. She wasn't getting the whole story here, for, with Robin's compliance, there was no conflict.

"You're not ready," Emma remarked flatly as realization washed over her. She felt despondent that she hadn't understood earlier. "You didn't need to say yes to him because you felt you had to." Emma knew how much Regina believed in happy endings and was worried that the events of the summer had pushed Regina into this commitment.

"I didn't. I know he is my future," Regina said defiantly while removing Emma's dinner from the microwave.

"Because a fairy told you once," Emma muttered. She had forgotten how ridiculous conversations were in this town. "What are you telling yourself now? Why are you having doubts?" Emma asked locking eye contact. Her words may have been accusatory, but her delivery was full of genuine concern and love.

"I'm not." The tone of Regina's voice told Emma that the subject was now closed. Emma conceded and gratefully accepted her meal.

"This tastes amazing. No wonder Henry raves about your cooking," Emma said appreciatively before placing another loaded forkful into her mouth. "Thank you. For this, letting me stay, the spell. Everything since Hook died, really."

Regina raised her glass to Emma's and instead of accepting Emma's gratitude made them toast to "Welcome home."

* * *

Regina looked at Emma curiously as the blonde used her fork to play with the eggs rather than consume them. Since her shower, Emma had been acting bizarrely, seemingly even refusing to make eye contact with her. It had only been a few weeks since Christmas, and that visit had ended without any disagreement or attributable tension. Therefore, Regina was struggling to place the source of Emma's awkwardness.

From her seat at the diner, Regina's eyes traveled to the bar she knew Emma frequented with her firefighter friends. She reasoned it's where they had celebrated the night before, the occasion probably meant drinks were free-flowing. Regina noted the short distance between it and Emma's apartment and determined the travel time wouldn't be enough to quell drunken lust. Emma had been adamant that she and Lynsey were not lovers during the holidays. Therefore, an inebriated move into a physical relationship was most likely what was occupying Emma's mind. That, and her hangover.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Emma asked after she'd ruled out Henry and possible magical shenanigans as the topic while they were still in the apartment.

"Well, a couple of things. First, you were right, I was being hesitant about marrying Robin. I'd be bringing a father into Henry's life, and I should've asked you if that was okay."

"Seriously? What is it with you two asking my permission? You're adults, do whatever you want," Emma barked with an air of disbelief. She couldn't look at Regina without mentally undressing her, imagining what she would taste and feel like below her. There wasn't room in her pounding, hungover brain for accepting Regina was marrying someone else at the same time.

"He asked you if he could marry me?" Regina was overwhelmed with appreciation that Robin recognized Emma was family and her permission was something worth seeking.

"Yep." Emma drained the last of her coffee and was immediately looking to Abby for a refill. "Look, he's fine. He cares about you and Henry gets along with him. What more could you want?" Emma finally locked eyes with Regina, and as soon as brown met green, Emma diverted her stare. Her infatuation was growing stronger rather than fading as the alcohol fog cleared.

"What is with you today?"

"Me? There's nothing wrong with me. You're the one that drove all this way to throw your perfect life in my face and then ask me something I couldn't possibly say no to. After all, I was dating… well he wasn't exactly the best role model for Henry. At least yours took from the rich and gave to the poor." Regina was caught off-guard at this attack. If it were from anyone else she would reply in equal measure, but instead she found herself concerned about Emma's mounting distress.

"I thought things were going well for you here; that you were happier." Regina's voice was layered with regret, uneasiness, and angst as she searched for Emma's eyes so she could read her.

"You only see what I let you," Emma muttered, never shifting her stare from her uneaten eggs. She took a minute to compose herself and not show that she was still broken, despite all she had achieved since leaving Storybrooke. Resolutely she stared at the brunette, ensuring her words would be heard. "Marry Robin, Regina. He's your True Love." Regina saw hurt dance over Emma's eyes. She misread it as the pain she felt for Hook rather than the complicated feelings she was trying to process. The idea of home with Regina and Henry was suddenly so perfect, it physically ached the blonde.

"So, tell me about the exam," Regina said indicating the firehouse as she changed the subject. It was a tactic that had worked well in her kitchen, and she wanted nothing more than to have a normal conversation now. Regina quelled the urge to ask Emma to be her maid of honor, which had been the real reason for her presence. Now she felt the request was entirely inappropriate and spiteful.

She had to accept that she had her happy ending while the blonde was still searching for hers.


	4. Running in Parallel

**February 13th**

Adrenaline made Emma's first twenty-four-hour shift as a firefighter fly by and become a blur in her memory. She was now well into her second shift and had yet to fully use any of the training that had gotten her there. Although Emma knew this was ideal for the safety of the citizens of the Portland, she had felt deflated when the calls they had responded to were mostly false alarms or minor car accidents. The effect had been an emotional rollercoaster for the blonde, for she felt a rush of excitement and nerves when the alarm sounded, only for calm disappointment to claim her minutes later. Fortuitously, Emma had navigated through these early calls to service without making the common rookie errors of tripping, taking too long, or buttoning her jacket incorrectly. They were successful dress rehearsals if nothing else. Such was her eagerness that she had barely slept during either shift or during the day off that had been sandwiched between them.

Emma wasn't delusional; she knew exactly what her year as a candidate firefighter would mostly entail: cooking and cleaning. Her custodian duties included the bathroom and the locker room, in addition to polishing and maintaining the firetrucks. That was all a far more comfortable prospect for the blonde than catering for ten. She had lived alone for so long that the zenith of her culinary expertise had been a pot of pasta with a tin of tuna and a jar of sauce mixed in. Often this concoction would last the week; leftovers were Emma's favorite meal during her twenties. In preparation for her firehouse life, she had been experimenting with simple but easy-to-scale recipes with Henry. He had been a rather willing guinea pig who had given helpful feedback and instinctively imparted the skills that he'd acquired after years of watching Regina navigate the kitchen. Emma's entire goal though was not to serve gourmet meals, but just to not be embarrassed in front of the men by serving them undercooked or burnt sludge.

"Hope you know what to do with a bag of apples. We just got these donated to us, and we'll all be expecting desert later," one of the guys said with a teasing smirk as he left the bag of fruit on the counter in front of Emma. He had caught her dancing to her music as she boiled a pot of water on the stove. Emma didn't get to reply before he left her once again in solitude. Any humiliation she may have felt didn't get time to develop as she stared at the curveball that had been left for her.

She thought back to the last time she had attempted to bake and was immediately filled with queasiness and dread. Her creation was so inedible, even the birds had left it on the street to rot. Henry classed it as 'rank', 'vile', and 'an impressive example of how to make an abomination from mundane ingredients'. Emma analyzed the apples, and three things came to mind: pie, strudel, and turnovers. She was fairly certain there was little difference as to the filling, but the pastry it was encased in was different and vital. A quick Google search taught her nothing she hadn't absorbed prior to her last attempt, so with slight hesitation, she called the one person she knew who knew how to bake, Regina Mills. Even though she didn't like to show Henry's other mother her deficits, calling her was far more palatable than asking her mother, Snow.

"Hello?" Regina asked curiously, as she knew Emma was working. Every time the blonde called she was on high alert.

"Hey. This might seem ridiculous, but I need baking advice. I have apples and need to make something edible. Can you help me?" Emma's words echoed the desperation in her tone.

"Of course. What do you want to make?" Regina rose from her desk at home and was already making her way to the kitchen. The thought that Emma's request was idiotic and laughable never occurred to her.

"Something the guys will like?"

"Apple pie it is. I'll make one here, and I'll take you through all the steps. I'll send pictures if need be." Regina's mood perked up considerably at the thought of getting to spend the afternoon baking with Emma, even if it were long distance.

"You're a lifesaver."

"I think you'll find that's your actual profession now."

"Ha ha, right. Only if I can get through dinner."

"Slow day?" Regina wondered as she heard a little discontentment in Emma's voice.

"Slow week. The closest I've gotten to a fire is the one here on the grill."

Their conversation briefly paused as Regina whipped out her recipe book and gathered the required ingredients, appreciating once again that her magical tree had crisp, ripe apples all year round. Emma, meanwhile, busied herself by continuing to prepare the entrée of spaghetti and meatballs until they reconvened.

During their simultaneous baking extravaganza, neither woman noticed the passage of time. Having Regina in her ear calmed Emma considerably, and after a while, she forgot the self-imposed pressure of trying to impress her firehouse colleagues. Their conversation had meandered through Henry, wedding plans, the latest repairs on Emma's bug, and reviewing their plans to meet at the weekend. Never were their respective Valentine's dates the following evening discussed; relationships were still a tense subject.

"How do they look?" Regina asked as she admired her perfect apple pie that Robin been drawn to by its heavenly aroma. He was indicating he wanted a slice as soon as possible.

"They look like apple pies at least. Here's hoping they aren't revolting," Emma said admiring her efforts with a soft chuckle.

"I'm sure it's-" Regina began, only to be drowned out by the fire bell ringing loudly through the line.

"Gotta go! Thanks!" Emma said frantically and ended the call. Regina found the abrupt end to their conversation jarring, realizing that this was Emma's life now.

"She'll be fine," Robin assured, after reading all the worry that now laced Regina's features and moving closer to embrace his fiancée.

"I know. It was just-" Regina began, unsure of what she wanted to articulate. She paused, considering what irked her at this moment. "It was just such a wonderful afternoon."

* * *

**Tuesday, Valentine's Day:**

**6:42 PM – Storybrooke**

"You look beautiful," Robin proclaimed the instant he saw Regina emerge from the bathroom, where she had been straightening her hair. Her skin-tight black dress highlighting her femininity with a subtle provocativeness rendered Robin's words into an understatement.

"Not so bad yourself," Regina playfully volleyed as she helped him with his cufflinks. He was dressed in a black suit with a red tie that matched the single rose he had woken her with that morning. She tenderly kissed him on the lips, before running her fingers lightly down his arms. He couldn't resist admiring her from behind as she made her way to the closet to locate her trademark killer heels.

"I'm rather looking forward to this. A traditional American Valentine's date." Robin was hiding it well, but his nerves were mounting. He couldn't place where his uneasiness was emanating from. Their relationship hadn't encountered any bumps since their minor disagreement before Christmas. He had accepted that Regina wanted to date longer, take things slower, and get used to living together before making their commitment to one another official.

"Yes, we don't go out much in Storybrooke. I prefer the intimacy of our nights in rather than being stared at by the townsfolk," Regina remarked as she admired her look one last time in the mirror, feeling satisfied.

"Can't disagree with you, but let me wine and dine you tonight a little further away from home." Robin offered his hand and led Regina down the stairs, picking up their overnight bag in the process. He was enjoying the chivalry he was getting to demonstrate, including placing the luggage in the car, opening doors, and helping Regina into her coat.

"Are you going to tell me our destination?" Regina queried, still feeling uneasy that she had agreed to an overnight stay in an unknown location. All she asked is that they avoided Portland, despite its obvious suitability.

"North, M'lady." Robin's smile showed that would be all he would divulge. This was his plan, and Regina accepted she would just have to play along.

* * *

**7:05 PM – Portland**

Emma sat on her couch, stroking Boris, watching the news as she waited for her date to arrive. She had selfishly found Lynsey to be the antidote to her Regina fantasies and hoped that with spending more time with her, they would cease altogether. When she wasn't working either of her jobs, Emma wanted to spend her time with Lynsey. She was everything Hook wasn't. It was refreshing not to feel pressured and to have her independence while being part of a couple. Emma knew that this relationship wouldn't last though; her heart didn't feel committed. Her sleep had been restless all day as her mind was increasingly preoccupied with the Mayor of Storybrooke.

"I should break it off, shouldn't I?" Emma asked Boris, who purred in response. "I know, I'm being selfish." The cat looked at Emma expectantly after her thoughts had distracted her from continuing the head massage he had been enjoying. "Not classy to do it on Valentine's day though. How much time after tonight do I wait? Am I being rash and giving up too fast? Probably my parent's fault, making me think people fall in love instantly. It takes time to get to know someone, to find how you fit together. Why am I thinking about Regina all the time? Do I want her or just what I can't have? She's taken. She's my literal forbidden fruit."

Emma didn't have time to conclude the long, repetitive, ongoing inner debate before the knock at the door came. She rose, straightened her dress and visibly shook herself to get her date game face on. Boris had scrambled to hide under the couch in response to the noise; he was quite the predator.

"Wow," Lynsey remarked as Emma opened her front door. The blonde was dressed in a deep red dress which caused Lynsey's imagination to operate in overdrive. The garment was captivating and nearly rendered the brunette speechless. Her appearance in a black dress had equally aroused Emma who was trying focus that energy away from Regina and onto the person before her. Lynsey's presence had always been successful at achieving this.

Lynsey offered Emma a cliché, but appreciated, single red rose, before gently kissing her lips. "Thank you," Emma replied before suggesting Lynsey should come in. "Do you want a drink or anything before we head out?"

"I thought we could go to this cocktail bar that's a couple of doors down from the restaurant. They've got quite the selection of top-shelf whiskeys too." Lynsey wrapped her arms around Emma, becoming intoxicated by her scent and immediately wishing their plans could be a night in with take out. She had missed Emma this past weekend.

"Sounds great. I'm all set here, so let's go," Emma said, grabbing her clutch and curtailing Lynsey's desires for the time being. Emma was looking forward to the night off and pledged to herself to give a relationship with Lynsey another chance.

* * *

**7:28 PM – Rockland**

The magical creation that had brought Storybrooke into existence hadn't been forward-thinking enough to supply the inhabitants with a variety of places to dine in luxury and without being the subject of town gossip. Robin, therefore, with Henry's help, had secured a reservation at one of Rockland's finest restaurants and he knew the effort had been worth it when he saw Regina's eyes glisten as she took her seat. They were as anonymous as any of the other couples there. The restaurant had been converted from a stately home and as such the tables were secluded and intimate; creating a perfect setting for their romantic evening.

Robin finished his glass of Glenfiddich just as their bottle of wine arrived. The pair quickly relaxed in their unfamiliar surroundings, holding hands on top of the table as they read their menus. Regina let her eyes shift to glance out through the window briefly. The sun had long set, so her view was limited to the twinkling lights that lit up the back garden which was used for outdoor dining during the warmer months. As she returned her focus to Robin, she noticed the flowers on the table were yellow and white, rather than this date's traditional red. It was a vibrant yellow, and the sight of it made Regina smile. She appreciated the deviation from the conventional mainstream.

"I'd like to open a place like this in Storybrooke. Maybe not a restaurant as I know nothing of the trade, but a bar perhaps," Robin announced as he glanced around the establishment, taking it all in. They both knew he was still looking for his place in the world; his work on a local farm didn't satisfy him the way he had hoped.

"That's a remarkable idea." Regina paused, absorbing Robin's proposition as fully as she could in such a brief period of time. "Maybe somewhere on the waterfront?" Storybrooke had only two watering holes, and neither was the sort of establishment Regina wished to frequent. They were designed more for those that wanted to get drunk, rather than those that wanted a place to go and be sociable.

"Despite the financial hardships, I rather enjoyed the work when I owned one back in the Enchanted Forest," Robin mused, assessing how he might finance this endeavor. He didn't want to rely on Regina's capital, though he hoped she would want to be involved and that it could be a family business; something they could share.

"Luckily, you're marrying the Mayor who knows a thing or two about balancing the books and can guarantee the local Sheriff won't be coming to collect inflated taxes."

The pair's potential future as bar proprietors dominated the conversation as they enjoyed oysters and antipasti. Robin wasn't sure what excited him more, the bar and the spark it had ignited in Regina at the mere suggestion of it, or the future he could see this family having because of it.

* * *

**8:37 - Portland**

Lynsey had carried the conversation on their way to the restaurant by sharing innate details of her continued EMT training. After she rightfully anticipated failure as the outcome of her firefighter physical exam, she had enrolled in the next course on the path to becoming a fully-fledged paramedic. It was a direction Emma was considering pursuing next term. Therefore Lynsey assumed it would be an acceptable conversation. However, Emma's mind seemed to be elsewhere. She had hoped the blonde would relax and connect after their pre-dinner drinks, but that hadn't transpired.

"Is there something wrong? Something we need to talk about?" Lynsey asked while they walked the block between the bar and restaurant, shivering slightly in the Maine late-winter air. She didn't want to show her insecurities, but Emma had always appeared to be as invested as she was in their relationship. There were instances where she noticed Emma internalizing her thoughts and she'd always put this detachment down to her boyfriend's recent and unexpected death. Tonight though, Emma's distance felt like miles.

"No, sorry. I guess I'm tired. I'm here. I want to be here," Emma assured, grabbing Lynsey's hand and pulling her closer. It was an easy sell; the bags under Emma's eyes hadn't been convincingly concealed by her make-up.

In truth, Emma's mind hadn't remained tethered to reality. Everywhere she looked she saw a version of her and Regina experiencing life together. The establishment Lynsey had picked to start their evening was one she envisioned Regina choosing; a trendy bar for them to enjoy an anonymous night out. It was something Storybrooke lacked, and as Emma glanced at the only empty table, she saw herself there with Regina, toasting with cocktails, holding hands. As she sipped her whiskey, Emma stared out of the window at the outdoor ice rink across the street. She had outwardly smiled at the thought of Henry, Regina, and her as a family doing laps. The empty table mentally morphed quickly in her mind to a table in a café, where the pair and Henry drank hot cocoas.

Lynsey's observation of her disassociation woke Emma from her regret-filled daydream. Regina was marrying Robin. Therefore, nothing good could come from these misplaced imaginary scenarios. Emma stared into Lynsey's eyes and promised herself a night away from Regina Mills.

As a consequence, their flirting was less than subtle while they shared an assortment of seafood as an appetizer. Emma relaxed considerably after a glass of wine and tales of her first week as a firefighter began to flow freely. Everything from the leaky toilet to the apple pies. The more Emma divulged, the more Lynsey felt her future role as a paramedic was the right one. It came with better shifts, superior pay, and she still would still be part of the firehouse life without having to play housekeeper for a year. Any tension that lingered from their diverging paths was fully erased, and it delighted Lynsey. Most significantly she was reveling in how animated Emma was as she controlled this segment of their conversation. It was as though they were the only people in the crowded restaurant and Lynsey felt lucky that Emma had chosen her.

* * *

**9:41 PM – Rockland**

Regina sat waiting for Robin to return from the bathroom while she sipped her second after-dinner liquor, pleased their room for the night was only up a floor, for she was fully feeling the effect of her elevated alcohol consumption. She picked up her phone to check on Henry and smiled as she always did when she saw the picture of him in the fire truck. The image had the predictable effect of making her mind shift to thoughts of the blonde. Even as she typed to Henry, she was wondering if Emma was out with Lynsey or volunteering. It was only with great willpower that she restrained herself from sending a quick message. Partly because Regina couldn't think of something to say and mostly because it seemed inappropriate.

Regina may have been able to curtail acting on her desire to connect, but her inebriated mind was suddenly full of all the almost-texts she had sent the blonde over the years. She smirked thinking of the words she had typed to Emma that could only indicate her sexual appetite, only to delete them after extensive deliberation. Instead, she would fabricate a reason for the Sheriff to stop by so she could take a fresh memory of the blonde to the bedroom.

Unlike Graham though, Emma was always more than a toy to be played with. Her love for Henry had developed Regina's infatuation into seeing a partner rather than an adversary. When their magic mixed and they saved the town, she was convinced Emma would be the one she grew old with. It only seemed to be confirmed when they moved the moon to save their son. The tingle of Emma's magic when they worked together produced such a high that she thought it could only come from two souls destined to unite. Her cravings for Emma had subsided with time but these past few months had spurred their revival. Although it confused Regina, she dismissed them as pre-wedding doubts alluding to what she assumed were unsown oats.

"Regina?" Robin asked, his expression indicating she hadn't been listening to him for a while. Certainly, she hadn't noticed him returning.

"Take me to bed. Now."

* * *

**10:03 PM – Portland**

Emma's self-promise only lasted until Lynsey was out of sight after she excused herself to visit the restroom. Pulling out her phone to check her messages, she smiled at her lock screen: a picture of Henry doing his homework at the kitchen table that Regina had sent the week before. Emma tried, unsuccessfully, to resist the Mayor dominating her thoughts at that moment. However, they cascaded. The entire meal she had just shared was rewritten. She and Regina shared oysters, a bottle of wine, and talked about their future. They'd live in the city, and they'd take trips to see the world. They'd spend Emma's days off in bed.

Emma lifted her glass enjoying the taste of alcohol before swirling it on the table, becoming hypnotized by the movement of the ice cubes. Into a parallel future she ventured, where after dinner, Regina would accompany her to her apartment which in this iteration had a fireplace and a perfect instantaneous soundtrack. Candles suddenly appeared and were lit, creating the atmosphere that inferred they were the only couple in the world. They'd dance by the fire, just holding each other until Emma would run her hands down Regina's back and her light fingertips worked their way back to her upper arms. Regina would melt into her, murmuring her pleasure into her ear as she swirled her tongue around it.

"What are you thinking about?" Lynsey asked suggestively, for she knew exactly what Emma was thinking about based on her expression.

"What I'd like to do when I get home," Emma answered honestly.

* * *

**10:55 PM – Rockland**

Robin ran his fingers gently over Regina's back as he watched her sleep. The pace at which they had gone from their dinner table to being naked in their hotel bed had made him dizzy. His back ached slightly from being pushed against the door; his shirt was missing several buttons as she had pulled it from his body and he wasn't given the opportunity to undress his queen. Regina had demanded he go down on her, a rare request. He had never felt her so wet and ready. Normally Regina was a little restrained, however, tonight, she'd had to bite her lip to prevent herself from screaming as she climaxed. Her passion that followed had been the most explosive sexual experience of his life. He felt the scratches that marked his back, tracks of the aggressive lover he had seen that night. Despite the satisfying nature of their evening, he couldn't quite place the knot in his gut. Fearfully he considered if the sensation was that his fiancée wasn't as blissful as he was.

* * *

**11:46 PM - Portland**

Lynsey stared at Emma as the slumbering blonde entered a deep sleep. She couldn't quite process the passion Emma had just demonstrated. Since their relationship became physical, it never had disappointed. However, she had just experienced an Emma that unrelentingly dominated. She hadn't made love to Emma that night; it had been sex that verged on animalistic. She ran her fingers through Emma's curls wondering what was different while trying desperately to quell her gut feeling that despite all the changes in her life, Emma wasn't entirely happy.

* * *

**Saturday – Portland**

When Regina proposed that she, Zelena, Robin, and his two children accompany Henry on his weekend visit to Portland, Emma had been enthusiastic at the prospect. They had arranged to spend the day attending the inaugural Winter Festival, which was complete with small rides, stalls, and a variety of food trucks: a perfect combination for a family outing. Emma's depleted energy reserves after an intense week had prevented them from meeting the night before. However, this high-energy outdoor extravaganza could not be avoided.

As normal as they may have appeared to bystanders, their true identities as fairy tale characters was always prevalent. Zelena was the least adapted to this and had yet to appreciate the caricature nature of how the Wicked Witch of the West was portrayed in Hollywood. That was until they came across the Wizard of Oz carousel that Roland ran towards excitedly.

Emma, Henry, and Regina wisely backtracked, distancing themselves from verbal cascade they knew they were about to witness to.

"I do not have black hair!" Zelena exclaimed once she realized the mural painting on the ride was a depiction of her true identity. Regina and Emma stared at one another before exhaling in unison. "Why am I fluorescent? My nose does not look like that. Why has she never tweezed her eyebrows?" They heard in the distance.

The trio stopped at an ice cream booth to satisfy their son's craving and were about to relax in the nearby seating area when Robin called for Regina to join him. Emma and Henry followed before taking refuge on a park bench as they watched Robin attain a perfect score at the Sherwood archery booth, winning an unnecessarily giant panda that Regina wrapped around her shoulders.

"I think that counts as cheating," Henry stated as he took pause in furiously licking his ice cream.

"What I want to know is what the hell Regina is going to do with that stuffed animal?" Emma remarked while shaking her head in disbelief.

"As long as it doesn't end up in my room, I don't really care."

Emma watched the other three adults interact while Henry devoured his snack and noticed how united they'd become. She hadn't seen Zelena since her time as the Dark One, and it had led to a rather tense interaction when they had reunited that morning. In the interim, both Regina and Henry had talked about their developing relationship with her, but it wasn't until today when she saw it firsthand she finally appreciated how friendly they had all become.

"They're close," Emma muttered, not intending to say it out loud, nor for Henry to hear.

"Oh yeah, she comes for dinner once a week. They laugh a lot," Henry said, with a slight tilt of his head in the direction of Zelena.

"Guess a lot has happened back home."

"Yeah, I suppose so. It's been nice though, not having everyone wish their relatives were dead. It's refreshing."

"Can't argue with that." Emma laid her head back and closed her eyes as she heard the carousel start to chime once more. She knew she had a few minutes until the ride ended and she would have to put her sociable game face back on and expend more energy. Therefore, she closed her mind to the world in an attempt to conserve whatever reserves she had.

"Emma?" It was Regina's voice calling her. She felt a soft touch on her upper arm.

"Hmm?" Emma replied as she startled herself into an upright position, suddenly awake. Regina had somehow switched with Henry.

"Are you okay?" Emma heard the concern in Regina's voice and saw the furrowed brow that could only convey worry.

"Yeah, why?"

"You fell asleep." Regina waited for this to have some impact on Emma and was surprised when she just shook her head like it was nothing. "Are you not sleeping at night? The nightmares, are they recurring?"

Emma looked confused for a few seconds before replying, "No, not really. It was just a busy week. Guess I haven't slept much."

"I thought there were no fires and haven't you been off for a few days?"

"There weren't."

"Then-" Regina began but refrained from finishing the question, knowing that Emma had already been offered the opportunity to elaborate and had chosen not to.

Emma leaned forward, placed her elbows on her knees, clasped her hands and lowered her head so they were almost resting on them. Emma knew that Regina was analyzing her, trying to find a way into her world. She sensed the woman shift next to her, the sounds of the fairground washing away. Emma felt her breathing increase and then stop when there was the softest of touches on her back. It lingered for a beat before the hand that rested there started to rub circles into her tense form.

"I wish you'd talk to me. I want to help." Regina was practically whispering, giving Emma the opportunity to pretend she didn't hear. Emma thought about the deliberate nature of Regina's words. It didn't need to be stated that she wasn't okay. To Regina this was evident.

Following a lengthy internal debate, Emma concluded that perhaps honesty with the woman that haunted her would help her psychological status. Help her to associate Regina as a friend rather than a partner. "I'm not happy," Emma tentatively admitted. She wanted to look at Regina, to see how she reacted. To see if she was shocked or surprised. However, she just continued to stare at her hands to maintain a sense of distance.

"That is obvious, Emma. It's the why I am interested in."

"I think I need to be alone for a while. I was doing okay before Lynsey."

"Is it the relationship itself, or is it too soon after Hook, or is it dealing with your sexuality that's the problem?" Emma abruptly looked at Regina, horrified. She couldn't believe their conversation had migrated to this. "I'm only asking. I can help you with that is all," Regina stated clearly trying to show Emma she was only coming from a place of trying to help.

"Wait, what? You're, I mean, you've, you're…"

"Yes. Our world was a little more fluid than yours." Regina was reveling in the ever-articulate Emma Swan. She watched Emma carefully, trying to decipher the micro expressions she was subconsciously exhibiting.

"Oh." Emma's mind was spiraling out of control. The thought of the Evil Queen being obtainable. That Regina was obtainable. That her entire fantasy was obtainable. Marriage, kids, crosswords, growing old holding each other. It was too late, but she couldn't help imagining their lives together, whether Regina would have ever considered or even wanted something more between them.

Emma's silence and pained expression confused Regina; she couldn't interpret this response and was worried something had shifted in their friendship. "Emma?" She hesitantly prodded, hoping to get some clarification. Regina continued to stare at her with large soulful eyes.

"No, that's not the problem. I dealt with that a long time ago. Prison helped." Emma had smiled after she spoke, sending waves of relief through Regina.

Regina nodded to her acceptance of the answer even though she was desperate for more details. "Then is it Lynsey or Hook?"

"Both. Neither are or were what I want." Emma was purposefully short and restrained in her reply. She was desperate to conceal her feelings, afraid of the repercussions her yearnings would have on all of her relationships.

"Then take the time, figure out what you do want and go after it. Never be afraid to fail." Emma let her eyes hold Regina's gaze, searching for a sign that the brunette knew her innermost desires. That her words were an invitation. She found nothing though that warranted such hope. Emma didn't need time; she knew exactly what she wanted.

Her unrequited love to be reciprocated.


	5. Self-induced Inhibition

**April**

Emma left a trail of possessions between her front door and the kitchen, where she grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and a box of cereal from the cupboard. Heavily, she sat on her couch, inspecting the developing bruise on her lower left leg before soothing it by applying the cold compress. Boris toddled into the living room from his curled position on her bed, pausing at the kitchen threshold in the hope Emma would fill his nearly empty food bowl. Emma's obliviousness made him give a little cry, and when she looked toward the noise, he gave a little nudge in the direction of the food.

"In a minute," Emma said in an exhausted, exacerbated tone while sinking further into the cushions. She had spent the night at a structural fire which continued to burn as the ambers of the rising sun mixed with the blackened smoke filtering into the morning sky.

Boris, who sensed Emma was once again going to sleep where she had landed, padded his way over to her and jumped happily onto the couch. He started to purr as he walked over her lower legs searching for the optimal comfort spot without caring that he was bringing further pain to Emma's aching muscles. With an air of resignation, Emma tossed the ice pack onto the table and lay down so he could snuggle by her side.

"It must be nice to be a cat and just lie around the house all day," Emma began as she scratched his ears with one hand and grabbed the Froot Loops with the other. He purred loudly in appreciation. "We have two whole days before I work again. I don't have any plans, do you?" Emma looked expectantly into the feline's eyes and softly laughed to herself that she had even asked the question.

As Emma absentmindedly munched on her dry cereal, she flicked on the television and passively gazed at the screen while the morning's news was presented to her. Such was her disinterest in world affairs, it was only minutes before her eyes started to droop. Just as the traffic report was being read, Emma felt her phone vibrate, causing her to come back to consciousness to read the incoming text message.

Since her first day at the firehouse, someone from Storybrooke always contacted her after each shift to verify her safety, if she hadn't communicated it herself. Her mom and Regina were the early instigators of this trend, but now, like today, it was usually Henry that reached out. At seeing his words on her screen, she was equally happy that he thought of her and guilty for almost falling asleep without checking in.

**Any plans today Ma?**

Emma smiled. His messages never said it, but the subtext was always, "are you alive?"

_Morning Kid! I only foresee sleep in my future :) How about you?_

**School. Then it's a Zelena night.**

Emma stared at her phone deliberating her response when Henry's next message complicated matters further.

**Want to come? I'm sure Mom would be fine with it. You guys haven't seen each other in a while.**

The effect of her son's words was that Emma was now wide awake. It was true that she hadn't seen Henry's other mother in a couple of months. That, however, was purposeful. She needed her longing for Regina to end and physical distance seemed like a good strategy to achieve that. The side effect of this decision was the feeling of loneliness that overwhelmed her at times. However, she wasn't ready to end her enforced solitude. She had lived this way before Storybrooke; she could do it again.

_I'm pretty beat. Next time?_

**Sounds great! Sleep well Ma. Talk soon. :) xx**

_Love you :)_

"Did I make the right decision?" Emma said to Boris who seemed satisfied that her attention was back on him now that her phone had been tossed onto the coffee table. "I wasn't thinking about her, and now I am. You barely met her, but she is something else. Something so perfect it's hard to accept she's real."

The blonde looked at him sadly before asking, "Do you have any suggestions?" Emma searched his eyes expectantly before the cat shifted and went to sleep nuzzled into her side. "Thanks for that. You were very helpful," she jested disapprovingly in his direction.

Emma stared at the ceiling wracking her brain for reasons as to why Regina and she shouldn't be together. As always, her main argument was Robin and Regina's happiness with him. It was impossible for Regina to feel the same she reasoned, for when the Queen wanted something, she went after it. Emma had, therefore, concluded many times that she would know if Regina had ever pined for her the way she did for her now.

The blonde's mind continued to digress, traversing a familiar conversation she rehearsed where she would confess her love, acting like a teenager with an excessive romantic gesture. Invariably in this fantasy, Regina would reciprocate her desires, making Emma feel whole. As always, this tantalizing daydream ended with Emma deciding she couldn't act on her feelings even if they weren't mirrored, for being honest with the woman would only make things awkward for Henry.

Despite gallant attempts, Emma couldn't quieten her thoughts or her aching heart as the morning began to evaporate. Instead, she fixated on every quality Regina possessed that she found irresistible. Eventually, her physical exhaustion caught up to her mind, and she drifted into a dream-filled sleep where she and Regina flew kites in the park.

* * *

"Hey Mom," Henry exclaimed as he entered the Mayoral office. He found Regina at her desk sifting through another bridal magazine that had caused her brow to furrow.

Her head snapped up in surprise and smiled warmly at his unexpected appearance. "Did we have lunch plans? Because I-"

"Yes, we did, but seeing as you didn't show up, I brought some." Henry smirked as he presented Regina with her sandwich. "I called the office when you didn't answer your phone. I was told you were busy with some paperwork. Highly official I see," he added raising his eyebrows at the array of wedding-related 'documents' scattered over his mother's desk.

"Oh, Henry, I'm sorry," Regina said as she grabbed her phone and saw she had several missed calls, one of which was from Emma an hour earlier. "Have you talked to Emma today; is she okay?" Regina asked, panicking mildly, as she tried to remember if Emma had a firefighter shift the day before and whether the phone call would be in regards to a work-related incident. She used to know the blonde's schedule better than her own and felt a pang of sorrow in her heart that this was no longer the case.

"Yeah, this morning. She's fine, sleeping probably. Said she was beat after her shift," Henry offhandedly said as he started to consume his lunch while gesturing to his mother that she should do the same.

"If she was working yesterday, I'll call her back later," Regina declared as she placed her phone back on the desk and moved to sit next to Henry on the couch. She intended to engage in conversation with her son actively, however, her mind was firmly elsewhere. Conversations with Emma had become less frequent in recent months, and she was desperate to know what the blonde had called to say. Their distance had helped quell the sexual drive that had overwhelmed her on Valentine's Day. However, she missed knowing more than just the surface details of the blonde's life.

"Mom?" Henry half snapped. Regina's expression changed from distant contemplation to full remorse when she focused on the young man in front of her, clearly affected by the fact she hadn't been listening to him. In return, Henry frowned and gently asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, Henry. Honestly. Perhaps a little stressed over the wedding and helping Robin get the bar up and running." Regina took a bite of her sandwich to demonstrate how 'fine' she was.

"Well, surely he had no issues getting a liquor license?" Henry taunted.

"Did you actually talk to Emma?" Regina asked, confusing her son with the randomness of her outward dialogue.

"Um, no. Just texts this morning. I was between classes." Regina's brow furrowed further as she contemplated once again the reason for Emma's call rather than a text. It was such a rare occurrence recently that something had to be wrong.

"Hello, my pretties," Zelena practically sang as she pushed the stroller into the office.

"Oh God, please don't tell me I arranged to have lunch with you as well." Regina's tone was showing her extreme state of exacerbation. She couldn't fathom how out-of-sorts her schedule had become.

"Lunch and dinner in one day? I'm growing to tolerate you sis, but that would be excessive family bonding," Zelena said with a dismissive hand gesture. "I came to drop these off without Robin seeing them," she added as she handed Regina a few sketches of wedding dress designs.

"Wow," Henry said slightly shocked while he marveled at the artwork his aunt had produced. "I had no idea you could draw and design clothing."

"Yes, well. Your mother here seemed to be struggling with this world's tastes. I thought a custom piece might be more appropriate." Zelena may have tried to be indifferent with her tone, but it was clear she cared deeply about Regina's happiness from this gesture.

"Zelena, these are exquisite. Thank you," Regina said quietly, still unable to fully process how the drawing captured what she had been endlessly searching for in a gown. She had taken to sketching herself, even manifesting garments, but they had never captured what she wanted to marry Robin in. Regina was determined that this wedding, this marriage, would be everything her previous one hadn't and her fixation on the details was her expression of that.

"No need to be dramatic. I was bored while someone slept," Zelena added as she nodded towards her daughter, before taking a seat in the vacant chair next to the sofa and lifting the infant onto her lap.

"I'll leave you to it," Henry said as he stood and started to put on his backpack, deciding homework followed by video games was preferable to listening to these two women converse for the next half hour.

"No, Henry. Stay, please. Tell me about your morning," Regina practically begged.

"It's cool, Mom. I'll see you both tonight. Try and eat before getting lost in an elongated discussion about fabrics." He hugged his mother warmly and broadly smiled before he turned to leave, demonstrating he didn't feel surplus to requirements or rejected. He chuckled to himself as before he was out of earshot he heard Zelena 'ohh' and 'ahh' as he heard magic being cast.

* * *

"Another?" Rob, the owner of the bar near the firehouse, asked Emma as she finished off her latest beverage.

"Sure," Emma replied with a defeated hand gesture. Her eyes were fixated on her phone, as they had been all evening.

"Waiting for someone in particular?" Rob prodded as he placed a boilermaker, Emma's usual, in front of her.

"Just me tonight." Emma sounded dejected as she drank the whiskey in a single rapid movement, before sipping on her beer to calm the fire the shot had produced.

"I meant to call; you've been staring at it all night."

"Oh, yeah, kinda, I guess. Though, it's late now. Maybe I'll hear from her tomorrow."

"The paramedic?"

"Lynsey? No, we broke up."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. I'm in love with someone else."

"And that's who we're waiting to call?"

"Yes." At this confession, Emma unceremoniously placed her head on her hands and released some of her tension through a disgruntled noise. Her phone began to vibrate next to her head, and after peeking at it through one half-opened eye Emma sighed again when she saw the caller was her former lover.

"Hey," Emma drawled before she had even contemplated what she might say or why she had even called the brunette a couple of hours earlier.

"Hi." Lynsey's voice demonstrated her guardedness and slight concern as to why Emma had contacted her. Their break-up had been clean and straightforward; Emma had been honest, something Lynsey appreciated even though the heartache of losing Emma was still affecting her daily life.

"Are you busy?" Emma knew sitting alone at a bar with the intent of achieving alcohol-induced contentment wasn't healthy. Ryan wasn't available due to a blind date, and Lynsey was the only other person she knew in the city that wasn't just a colleague.

"That depends. Are you still in love with your friend from back home?"

"Yes."

"Emma-"

"I know. I know. I'm just...I just wanted to see if you wanted to have dinner, see a movie, or something when I called earlier. It's late now, though."

"That sounds like a date Emma. And you know what happens when we go on dates." Emma didn't know how to reply. She wasn't certain that's what Lynsey was implying, but suddenly physical contact even for the wrong reasons sounded better than being alone. "Are you in a bar?" Lynsey asked as she heard Emma's environment while the blonde had paused to evaluate the mental picture the brunette had just conjured.

"Um, yeah."

"By yourself?"

"Not if you come and join me."

"Emma, I fell hard for you. What you're asking isn't fair. Call her and talk to her. Get your life back together and then we might be able to be friends. Don't drink too much and text me later to tell me you're home."

"Okay. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Emma. Be proactive." Lynsey ended the call before Emma could articulate anything else.

As Emma sipped on her beer, she reflected on her day and how she had tried to be proactive. She had woken on the couch after less than an hour's sleep and immediately considered the state of her life. Sensing that productivity may ease her discontentment, she had risen and begun completing chores she had procrastinated from tackling. After a frantic hour, Emma's apartment gleamed while the air was a mix of cleaners and disinfectants, yet she didn't feel any fulfillment. That only happened when she was working at the firehouse, and she was already taking as many volunteer shifts on top of her salaried ones that the department would allow.

During her subsequent shower, the blonde had concluded that Henry's invitation would perhaps be a more appealing way to pass her time. Therefore, after drawing her curtains to block out the midday sun, Emma crumpled into bed and called Regina, essentially to ask for an invitation to her family gathering. She held her nerve until it went to voicemail and took that as a sign that distance was for the best. The universe was helping her in a moment of weakness. She ruminated on this as the beverages flowed.

"Swan!" Emma heard Rob call as her thoughts came back to the present.

"Hmm?"

"Your phone, it's ringing." Emma couldn't believe her eyes and did a double take as she absorbed that it was, in fact, Regina that was calling her.

"Your Majesty!" Emma exclaimed as she finally answered the device.

"Um, hi. Sorry for not calling earlier," Regina said as she tried to understand the strangeness of Emma's greeting.

"Oh, don't worry," Emma gleefully began while slurring every word. "Henry invited me to your, your, um, dinner thing. But it's too late now!"

"Oh Emma, I'm sorry. I thought you would have been sleeping, otherwise-"

"Nope. I barely sleep!" Emma had easily conveyed her inebriated state as she chuckled after she spoke.

"Emma," Regina said slowly, before asking after a thoughtful pause, "Where are you?"

"Rob's."

"And, who is Rob exactly?"

"Mister Bartender. It's his bar. He makes a mighty fine brew." It was then that Emma realized her glass was essentially empty and indicated to an eavesdropping Rob that she wanted a refill.

"I don't think so, Swan. I'm cutting you off for the night." Emma began to protest with a whimpering pout, which Regina found amusing even without context, but Rob's head shake was firm. The blonde then turned her disgruntled attention back to Regina only to discover she had missed whatever it was the brunette was saying.

"Sorry gorgeous I was distracted."

"Gorgeous?" Regina replied confused. "Are you talking to Rob or me Emma?" Regina was beginning to laugh along with Emma, finding this rare opportunity to talk to an uninhibited Swan rather enjoyable.

"Why you of course. I love you," Emma brightly said as she started to count her cash aloud to pay her tab. "Don't worry, I love you too," she said towards Rob as she handed him the bills. "He's rather cute ya know. Got that rugged man stubble thing working for him."

"Yes, well, I love you too, Miss Swan," Regina dryly stated as she struggled to follow Emma's disjointed thoughts.

"You do? Wait, what is with the Miss Swan stuff? We're, well there was the Dark One stuff and thought I was Emma now?" Emma's words were running together as her brain tried to concentrate on the conversation and standing up from the bar stool simultaneously. "Damn," she expressed as she dropped her phone while trying to navigate her arms into her jacket's sleeves.

"What are you doing?" Regina repeatedly asked until Emma finally answered.

"Sorry I was getting organized. Rob here says it's time to go home. And then there's paying. And my jacket. And this water he's making me drink," she said before she noisily gulped a few mouthfuls.

"How are you getting home?" Regina suddenly asked in a serious tone.

"Feet. One foot then the next. Like in front of the last one. Called walking. I'll be fine. I do this all the time."

"Are you alone?" Regina was no longer sure if she should be amused or be on high alert with concern.

"Not if you walk with me!" Emma hadn't registered Regina's change in tone and gestured a farewell to Rob and a couple of other patrons she had conversed with about the game before ungracefully exiting the bar and beginning her stumble home. Regina had been silent for a period of time that felt like forever to Emma, so she started to fill the almost uncomfortable silence. "Ryan had a blind date tonight, so he couldn't come and hang out with me." Regina remained mute as she listened to Emma's shoes clank on the pavement. "Are you still there, or mad at me?" Emma asked trying to decipher what she did wrong.

"I'm still here." Both women felt the awkwardness that now overshadowed their conversation.

"So how was dinner?" Emma supplied, hopefully.

"It went very well. We're actually creating the cocktail menu, trying to concoct a few things."

"I'll come to your bar anytime. Would love for you to serve me."

"I think it would take a curse before you'd see me behind a bar."

"If business is ever slow I can assure you, you, your hot piece of ass would bring in the punters."

Just as Regina was about to reply she heard the clinking of metal and Emma swearing before muffled tones filled the line, "Are you at your building?" She asked instead, curving her need to mock the blondes trademark clumsiness.

"Yep, just this lock. I almost got it." Regina paced the kitchen as she heard Zelena and Robin laugh from the study while Emma appeared to have dropped her keys once more. "Ya know what I miss, other than you?"

"What's that?"

"Magic. Then I wouldn't have to climb these stairs-" Regina couldn't contain her laughter any longer as she heard Emma stumble and clatter heavily into the staircase that was acting as her current nemesis.

"Yes, magic has its benefits."

"Wonder if drunk magic is like drunk driving?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, another door. It's the red key, little red key," Emma sang to the tune of Mary had a little lamb. Regina intently listened as Emma pushed her door open and giggled. "Boris!" She called with excessive enthusiasm. Both Regina and Boris were rolling their eyes at the blonde's behavior. "Say hi to Boris, Regina!"

"Um, hello?" Regina reluctantly said as she sipped on a cocktail Robin had just brought her.

"He's my best friend. Who's your best friend? Robin?" Emma asked, hoping Regina wouldn't agree even though she was preoccupied with scratching the cat's ears.

"Yes, I suppose so. I'm also rather fond of you and Zelena too."

"Haha, fond of me. Remember when you wanted to kill me?"

"I believe the feeling was mutual. Drink some water, Emma."

"No way. I was never going to kill you. I'm offended by the, the, um, insinuation!" Emma moved into her kitchen and filled Boris' bowl, although half the food ended up on the floor. Not that the feline cared. Emma continued her train of thought without noticing that Regina was chuckling down the line. "I was just trying to be there for Henry, and you'd get me all riled up! It was fun though, ya know, making you the villain." Regina smiled at both the words and hearing Emma rummage in her cupboards for a glass and then hearing the faucet run. She had listened and followed her instructions.

"Well, I was the villain," Regina acknowledged plainly.

"And now you're just a soft little bunny."

"Drink your water Emma and get into bed." Regina didn't intend to sound motherly as she spoke, however, that was the effect. Robin shook his head at what he had overheard and left the woman alone.

"Will you come with me?" Emma pouted and adorned her puppy eyes even though there was no one there to appreciate them.

"Yes, I'll stay on the line."

"Wasn't what I meant, but hold on, shoes should, I gotta-" Regina couldn't brush off this last statement as easily as she had the others. There was little else Emma could have been referring to. She heard two thumps that indicated Emma's shoes were off and then heard Emma sigh and moan as she landed on her bed.

"On your side, Miss Swan."

"Kay," Emma mumbled, and Regina heard the blonde shift. "I like it when you call me Miss Swan sometimes."

"Close your eyes, Emma," Regina said softly.

"Hmm. Tell me a story."

"A story?"

"It's bedtime."

"Um, well, ah," Regina began hesitantly.

"You can do it Madame Mayor." Emma using her official title was arousing and had the benefit of helping the brunette focus.

"Once upon a time, in a city not so far away there was a blonde firefighter who was brave and strong…"

Emma listened for as long as she could and fell asleep hearing Regina's version of her life resonate in her thoughts. After a few minutes, Regina heard Emma breathe heavily and elicit a light snore. She listened for longer than was friendship appropriate, for she found the sound of the sleeping blonde comforting and wanted to hear it forever.

"Goodnight, Emma. Sleep well," she softly said even though she knew her words wouldn't be heard. Reluctantly, she ended the call and stared at the device thoughtfully.

"Is she okay?" Robin asked gently from the doorway.

"She's going to have quite the hangover in the morning," Regina said, the strength in her voice returning. "She wanted to come to dinner tonight; that's why she called."

"Oh," Robin replied seeing the disappointment in his fiancée's eyes at this missed opportunity. "Well if she's feeling well enough she can come tomorrow."

"We'll see," Regina said dismissively.

"What is the holdup?" Zelena asked with annoyance as she joined the pair in the kitchen. "Mister sensible here won't drink, and so I want to know what you think of my appletini," she added gesturing the drink in Regina's hand.

"You made this?" Regina said, surprised as it was perfectly blended.

"Zelena wants a job," Robin announced, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh," Regina instinctively added as she tried to move her thoughts away from a certain firefighter to the idea of her sister and future husband spending all day, every day together.

"I know it would be cozy. But I have no desire to bang him, that was just my wicked side," Zelena said with such nonchalance that it caused Regina to spit out her drink and forced Robin to flush. "Come, sis; I want to try some other classics."

Zelena turned and left the couple alone in the room in a state of shock.

"I brushed her off," Robin said sheepishly.

"We can discuss it later."

"What's wrong?" His eyes were sorrowful and brimmed with concern at the distress Regina was exhibiting.

"I'm worried about Emma. From that phone call," Regina began shaking her head trying to piece it together. "She's not sleeping. Henry told me she is overworking, and now she's drinking alone. It's not healthy. She could get hurt, or worse."

"Regina," Robin soothed as he held her in his arms. "She'll be okay. Get her to come for a few days between her shifts. She can help me paint the bar, and maybe you can finally ask her to be your Maid of Honor."

Regina nodded and moved to return to the study where she could hear the tinkling of bottles that Zelena was experimenting with. Having only had sips of each batch, the brunette wasn't feeling any effects of alcohol. Her mind was clear, and it was focused on everything Emma had just inadvertently divulged.

* * *

**May**

Emma felt the familiar tingle of magic flood her senses as powerfully as inhaling a line of cocaine would. Similarly, it was exhilarating, dangerous, and altogether unfamiliar. This time though, it didn't cause enough hesitation that it prevented her from driving into town.

Her first stop was always Granny's; it acted as an acceptable reintroduction to the craziness of the town without immediately dealing with her family. However, what she hadn't expected at eleven in the morning was to hear the Mayor laughing with her fiancée and sister from the establishment's exterior. Emma halted her movements, feeling unequipped to see them all together and happy, and removed her hand from the door's handle. Tilting her head slightly, she could see they were discussing wedding seating arrangements, for on the table lay a seating chart complete with purple and green pins. Zelena said something and Regina's body once again wracked with laughter.

Emma knew then that she wasn't prepared to insert herself in this scene; that even if she wanted to, there was no place for her. Deciding to forgo her desired coffee and bear claw, Emma turned and hurriedly jogged back to her car. This visit, this day, was supposed to be about her old love, not the one she wanted to fill that role. Resolutely, Emma focused on her mission and drove straight to the graveyard.

* * *

"Hi," Emma quietly said as she tapped Hook's headstone before taking her hand back and shoving it into the coat pocket. "I don't know where to start or if I should say anything. I doubt you can hear me." Emma paused, unsure of how she should continue and took to looking around the cemetery for guidance. Her eyes settled on the engraving that spelled Killian and felt the pain of guilt in her heart.

"I know I've never visited. I haven't been in Storybrooke much, and when I have, I couldn't bring myself to come here." The blonde began to shuffle her weight uncomfortably between her feet, as a means to dispel the tension that was building inside of her. She wanted to be forthright with him even though she knew any honesty would only cause him suffering.

"I did love you. Just not the way you loved me," Emma resolutely expressed after a long silence. "I think if I did I'd be broken, unable to breathe at times. That's not how it's been this past year. I've functioned. Made something of my life in a way, or at least I had." Emma sighed heavily, to compose herself. One thing Emma had become apt at was one-sided conversations and readied herself before continuing with her unrestrained monologue.

"It's partly what has been wrong with me. That, I'm okay. True Love is supposed to hurt with a pain that makes you think your soul will never heal, yet mind did. It barely cracked. I was more upset about letting you down, or rather not saving you. So, I feel like we weren't there yet, maybe we were never going to get there. I'm rambling. You know how I liked to ramble." Emma pilfered through her pockets and pulled out a pint bottle of Hook's favorite rum and two shot glasses.

"I know it's early, but I thought this was appropriate." Emma was silent while she used his headstone as a table and poured a shot into each glass before raising one. "I hope you're okay." Emma couldn't bring herself to say anything further and clicked her glass against his and downed the rum in a single smooth motion. She lifted his glass and poured it over the grass before filling it up and leaving it balanced on the apex of his stone.

Regina had spent the last hour watching Emma from the comfort of her Mercedes. She wasn't subtle with her presence; this wasn't a stakeout. When she arrived, Emma was standing before the headstone, clearly speaking out loud before she did shots with her fallen lover. Regina had had the decency to avert her eyes and only occasionally looked back towards the blonde while reading paperwork. The next time she observed Emma though, she was sitting cross-legged and appeared to be staring blankly into the ground. It was at this moment she wondered if her presence was perhaps awkward; that Emma would be affronted she had witnessed a private moment between her and Hook. She dismissed these feelings, however, as she had no intention of conversing about what Emma had felt, said, or thought about the fallen pirate. When she saw Emma take a swig from the rum bottle, foregoing the ceremonial shot glass she brought, Regina couldn't help but sigh and called to clear her schedule for the rest of the afternoon. It was only lunchtime and the blonde was already inebriated.

Regina watched with increasingly greater frequency until she was staring at Emma, constantly evaluating if she could go to her and provide comfort. When she saw Emma shake as she sobbed, Regina decided social protocol was a low priority and quickly walked to her best friend's side. The only thing preventing her from running was her heels and the saturated grass from the morning's rain. The damp ground didn't prevent Regina from kneeling next to Emma though, with only the nearly half-empty bottle sitting between them.

"How did you know I was here?" Emma asked as she tried to cover up any emotions she was feeling by wiping her eyes hastily.

"I felt you when you entered the town, and I know what day it is."

"You seem happy," Emma blurted out, looking at Regina with tear-stricken eyes. Regina showed as much empathy as she could while trying to understand what Emma meant. "I was going to stop by Granny's earlier. You, Zelena, Robin. You're a family."

"You're my family too. Maybe not by blood but by marriage as convoluted as it may be." Emma turned away from the brunette, dismissing her words and stared at the carved letters once more. Regina was struggling and desperate; she didn't know how to help Emma. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I told him that I don't ache for him. That I'm okay. I'm not okay with the fact that I'm okay." Emma watched as Regina tried to process that statement. "I know it's a closed loop. I just mean I don't think he was my True Love. Like if Robin died you'd be broken, right?"

"Yes," Regina answered a little sheepishly. She always felt guilt when she stacked her happiness against Emma's.

"But he died, and I wasn't broken." Emma reiterated gesturing the space beneath her where Hook's decomposing body lay. " I missed him for a while. I felt empty without him. But I don't go places and do things and think about how it would've been better if he had been there. That's how it should feel right? Without your True Love, that you're incomplete." Emma's eyes searched Regina's, flicking back and forth, showing her desperation for some clarity.

"I think we need to feel complete independently before we can really be with anyone." Regina countered, honestly. The brunette reflected on Emma's words and did appreciate what Emma was referring to. When your True Love was in your life, everything was just that little bit better. Robin made her feel that way and the Charmings were incomplete when they weren't in the same room.

"I used to. But now, something is missing. Someone." Emma looked at Regina with the biggest, most sorrowful eyes she had ever seen from the blonde.

"Emma, you will find whoever it is you are supposed to be with." Emma averted her eyes so Regina couldn't see her desires. She reached for the bottle once more and felt Regina's hand on top of hers preventing her from grasping it.

"Please," Emma begged.

Regina held the longing in Emma's eyes until she was overcome with the aspiration to ease the blonde's suffering and tenderly spoke the encouraging words, "What can I do for you, Emma?"

"Can you just hold me?" Emma whimpered. Regina's soul-reaching expression and tone had removed any residual composure she had. Regina didn't hesitate before pulling Emma close and guided her, so she was curled up into her side. Emma let her tears fall once more as she felt the warmth and comfort from the one she knew she loved.

Regina held Emma long after rain began to pour down on them; she never wanted to let go.


	6. Acceptance is Futile

**August**

* * *

**Friday**

Regina watched as Henry navigated an app on his phone to determine the nature of his bus' late arrival. She already had an inkling as to what he was going to say based on his facial expression and the slight groaning mumble that emitted from him.

"Well, I don't think it counts as late if it's not coming at all. The bus was canceled," Henry despondently said after slumping into the passenger seat of his mother's black Mercedes. "I'll text Ma so she will know I won't make it tonight."

"You'll do no such thing. I will drive you there," Regina defiantly concluded having already put her car in reverse to begin their journey into the city.

"You don't need to do that, Mom. We didn't have big plans tonight or anything. Besides, Ma is covering at the firehouse for a few hours because one of the guys is off sick."

"While that may be true, the convention starts early tomorrow, and you've both been excited about it for months. I'm driving you there. No arguments. Let Emma know."

Henry relaxed and started to play with the car radio to find their traveling music before turning to his mother and a little childishly adding, "Thanks, Mom."

"It's not a problem. My social calendar wasn't exactly brimming this evening either. It will also be nice to see Emma. It's been a while." Regina had responded to the sound of Emma's name rolling off her tongue with a smile and little more life glossed over her eyes.

"Maybe, you could, hang for a bit and have dinner with us?" Henry suggested a little hesitantly. He had noticed that as the weather grew warmer, the women's paths were crossing less. He hadn't been able to deduce a reason for it, but his moms only casually asked about one another now; he was no longer their conduit for exchanging detailed descriptions of eating and sleeping habits.

"That's not necessary; I wouldn't want to impose," Regina said abruptly, but with enough lingering warmth in her voice that it didn't alert her son to the rush of adrenaline that the suggestion had just produced. Dinner with Emma and Henry was literally something of which she dreamt.

"I'm sure it would be fine," Henry said shrugging off the idea and returning to texting Emma with an update on his plans. He didn't want to argue; he would try again in Portland when the three of them were together. He silently watched the trees pass by and thought of when all of his family would sit in Granny's, drink cocoa, and talk about the latest magic-related crisis that was befalling the town. His formative years may have been unconventional, but he had relished them and missed them now that they were over.

Their journey was filled with intermittent sing-a-longs and silences when Henry would type furiously on his phone and Regina's mind would wander. In truth, she had thought more and more about Emma and what their lives would look like if they were together as the summer progressed. Regina, however, had been unsuccessful at deconstructing Emma's drunken slurs from months previously. Could Emma possibly be attracted to her and want something more? Or could they be a manifestation of the pain Emma was suffering and her actions were a result of acute loneliness?

She had tried to be there for Emma, but the blonde had pulled further away the more she tried to connect. When she'd driven to Portland as a surprise, they had shared an awkward cup of coffee and talked mostly of Henry. Surprisingly, Emma had hugged her forcefully for an extended period when she began to say goodbye. It was just like in the graveyard; Regina hadn't wanted to let go. Since then, Emma had withdrawn more. The entire situation had left Regina confused, and she was relieved that she was finally getting to see Emma again in person without pretense; a perfect opportunity to gain some clarification which she was desperate to find.

* * *

"She must still be on shift," Henry concluded after Emma failed to answer her phone or the front door. "She told me to just wait for her in the apartment," Henry informed his mother as she gave him a frown. She had suspected as much as Emma hadn't replied to Henry during the journey.

"I doubt it would be appropriate for me to wait in Emma's home without permission," Regina said with a sigh, debating her options. She noted Emma's bug in the parking lot and the missing engine from the firehouse. It was, indeed, likely that Emma was still out on a call. "How about we go over and see when she'll be back? If it's a while, we can go to the diner and wait for her there?" Regina offered.

"Sounds like a plan," Henry agreeably said with a shrug. Mother and son then walked across the street with a sense of purpose. "Oh, Lynsey's here!" Henry excitingly cried before quickening his pace to ask the trainee paramedic where his ma was.

"Oh, you'd be better off asking Ryan; he's here to relieve Emma tonight," Regina overheard Lynsey tell Henry casually as she met up with him, slowed by her heels and lack of desire to converse with someone who had been intimate with Emma. The only time they had met was in Emma's kitchen after they'd spent the night together.

"Cool, thanks," Henry uttered before leaving Regina behind while he tracked down Emma's mentor inside the firehouse.

"Great kid you have there. It's great to see him again so soon," Lynsey remarked as she continued to stock the ambulance with supplies.

"Thank you," Regina answered, before scrutinizing Lynsey's words further. "Do you know Henry well?" Regina only recalled Henry briefly mentioning this brunette once following his recent visits. His rendition of events had not implied that Lynsey was anything more than a co-worker of Emma's.

"Emma talks about him incessantly, and we've hung out a few times recently."

"Oh. You, and Emma. You remained good friends?" Regina, as always, masked her true emotions expertly. Lynsey had no idea this was a loaded question; that Regina was harboring the thoughts Emma was desperate for her possess.

"Ah, Emma and I, we're, sort of back together." Lynsey saw the stoic nature of Regina's expression which had the side-effect of intimidation. "I know what you're thinking; we're both acutely aware that we are not long-term. I won't hurt her. I suspect it will be the other way around."

"I see." Regina was appreciating the insight into Emma's recent life but felt great confusion that perhaps the blonde's drunken inferences were merely a desire for anyone, not necessarily her specifically. An uneasy silence descended upon the pair as Lynsey focused on her work and Regina gazed around the vehicle bay's interior. Her eyes landed on the peg that read 'Swan', with the coat, helmet, and boots absent.

"So, did you set a date yet? For the wedding?" Lynsey asked as she struggled to find common ground to keep the conversation moving while they waited for Henry to return. "Emma talks a lot about you as well," Lynsey stated after Regina responded with a look of mystification.

It took enormous energy for Regina to reply with, "Not as yet," rather than, "It is none of your concern." Lynsey turned away from Regina, unsure how to navigate this dialogue further. Part of her was tempted to say, "Make a move and Emma is all yours. She's in love with you, and we're only dating to help her get past her feelings". However, it wasn't her place to speak so freely or meddle. Emma had been clear. Regina and Robin were meant to be together; nothing could be gained from this confession.

"The engine is on the way back," Henry announced, sauntering towards the ambulance. "So Ma won't be long. Do you need a hand?" He asked as he watched Lynsey open a box of saline bags.

"Sure, that'd be great. Just put these in that compartment, please." Regina noticed the comfortableness that lingered between them and wondered when this bond had formed. Regina felt out-of-place as several minutes passed and the pair began discussing the comic book convention before the engine pulled in. She watched the explosion of activity as the firefighters exited the vehicle, jibing at each other as they placed their turnout gear back in their respective place.

"Hey," Emma said as she approached the trio, seeing them immediately. Regina turned to face her, stunned at how Emma looked in this attire. A man in uniform, yes. A woman in uniform, definitely. This woman, adorning her firefighter apparel while sweating slightly with traces of ash on her left cheek, most certainly. Regina couldn't form the single syllable it would take to greet her. She didn't care her lips had parted in desire. The blonde proceeded to remove her helmet and shake her long hair free of the band that had held it in place. Regina was flooded with a new set of images upon which to base her inappropriate fantasies.

"Hi, Ma!" Henry chirped enthusiastically. "The bus was canceled, so Mom-"

"Swan!" The battalion chief seethed as he exited his vehicle. "My office, now," he instructed before heavily putting his gear in place on the wall. Emma sighed heavily before stripping down to her standard uniform without speaking or making eye contact with any individual.

"Wait for me at the diner?" Emma asked as she found the nerve to face the people in her personal life. Her tone was imploring Regina to remove her son from the situation.

* * *

Regina and Henry had barely been seated before she exploded with curiosity, "So, when did Lynsey and Emma get back together?" Regina asked, faking a casual tone.

"Subtle, Mom," Henry said looking over the menu for something he could snack on. His stomach was already growling. "Can we share some onion rings?"

"Yes, whatever you like." Henry's lack of reply to her previous question was infuriating. "Well?" She asked again, her impatience mounting.

"What? Oh, um, I dunno. She stayed over the last time I was here," he said offhandedly, still reading the menu to see if there was a better option.

"Why didn't you tell me?" For the first time that day, Regina seemed hurt, and it made Henry place his menu on the table and give his mother his full attention.

"Well, A: you didn't ask and B: I figured Ma would've told you. I guess Lynsey just never came up in our conversations. You and Ma do still speak to each other right?"

"So they're happy?" Regina prodded, ignoring her son's question.

"I guess. They don't fight or anything. Ma does smile more when she is around." Henry tried to interpret his mother's expression. He saw pain in it. "Is there something wrong with Lynsey?" He was now concerned Emma was with someone that would hurt her.

"No, Henry. As long as Emma is happy, everything is fine."

* * *

Regina and Henry sat conversing quietly in their booth by the window, with the remnants of their hot beverages and a shared serving of onions rings between them while they continued to wait for Emma. Their conversation had mostly focused on Henry's excitement at who he would meet the following day. Regina had listened intently, trying to push Emma away from the forefront of her thoughts. It hadn't been overly successful; his mother's distraction was something Henry had noticed. Therefore, both of them perked up considerably when they saw Emma and Lynsey finally emerge side-by-side from the firehouse and cross the unoccupied street.

"Anyway, that'll teach me to help out on my day off," Regina overheard Emma proclaim to Lynsey as they entered the diner.

"Everything alright?" Regina enquired, noticing Emma was occluding her real feelings from the group. She could read the blonde's bluff.

"Yeah, I just spent too long clearing a room when the chief told us to get out," Emma admitted with a shrug trying to downplay the seriousness of the offense she had committed. Regina didn't know much about firefighter protocol, but disobeying an order she reckoned was as bad in this profession as it was in the military. Potentially life-threatening at least.

"She did find the kid though," Lynsey said in Emma's defense trying to defuse the awkwardness and get the vibe of the evening back to a happy one.

"Sounds like you," Regina said warmly, showing her smile. Emma gave a weak one in return.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving. Regina, are you staying for dinner?" Emma's eyes demonstrated a layer of expectancy. Regina, however, felt out-of-place.

"No, I best get back," Regina said standing, after leaving a few bills on the table to cover the check. "Have a great time tomorrow," she said towards Henry while using all her willpower to refrain from showing him affection in public.

"Will do. Thanks, Mom. For driving me," he said shuffling to his feet to give her a hug she hadn't expected.

"You can stay. We don't have anything planned," Emma offered once more, feeling guilty that Regina had sacrificed her evening to bring Henry here. She also wanted to test her resolve, see to what extent her love for Regina could be silenced. Henry was here; he was always an excellent buffer.

"That's not necessary," Regina explained shifting her body toward the door.

"I'd best be getting off too," Lynsey said, who was also feeling a little awkward in this love triangle she was consciously playing a part in. She felt the sexual tension between them and tried desperately to interpret Regina for Emma. She had barely seen them interact, yet it was clear chemistry existed. The nature and extent of which Lynsey had a hard time defining.

All four left the diner together, stopping at the entrance to Emma's building before thank yous and goodbyes were exchanged once more. Lynsey headed to her car in the lot next to the firehouse and Regina noticed that Emma watched her go. As Regina unlocked her car, she heard Emma say, "So, Kid, pizza, and video games?"

"Perfect," he said, with a grin wider than she had seen in a long time.

Though the distance was relatively short, it was a long drive home for Regina Mills.

* * *

**Saturday**

Regina had been alone for several hours already that morning, pouring over the magical texts in her crypt. Since leaving Portland the previous evening, she had been in a state of self-reflection, attempting to find insight into her feelings for the two people that held her romantic heart: Emma and Robin. On her drive into the city, she had almost invoked enough courage within herself to ask Emma bluntly if there was anything between them; yet at night she had fallen asleep on Robin's chest. In short, Regina felt lost, indecisive, and unsure of the future she wanted.

Her analysis had brought her here for clarity; she wanted to understand True Love, Pixie dust, and their integrated nature. She was desperate to determine if her longing for Emma was a product of self-doubt induced by her belief that her transgressions had yet to be fully repaid. If Emma's pain these past few months had caused her to manifest a reason for not being with her destiny; that she was sabotaging her relationship with Robin because until Emma was happy, she felt she couldn't be. Hearing Emma's honesty about Hook's death had quelled some of these thoughts though, for Emma deserved True Love and with the pirate, she had yet to find it.

Regina, with resignation, exhaled and picked up the last text she owned that mentioned the bond True Loves possessed. If it were like the rest of the volumes she had transcribed and digested, it would tell her it's an unbreakable connection that only a few get to experience. Those who found it were lucky and positive forces in the universe. Everything she read told her that she should be blissful. Elated. Her benchmark for True Love had been the Charmings. Perhaps that was a misjudgment; that even within this elite group, there were tiers.

The audible vibration from her cell phone startled Regina back to focus, and it was then she heard the knocking at the crypt's entrance. The message had been from Robin, seeking entry after his previous banging had gone unanswered.

"Hi," Regina warmly said as she answered the door. She found comfort in his eyes and safety in the lines that crinkled by them that showed he too had a lived a past, yet had ended here.

"I figured you hadn't eaten lunch, so I brought you some," he said offering the bag of food without making an effort to enter. He respected Regina's privacy and current need for seclusion. "I'll make dinner tonight, just let me know when you think you'll be home."

"That's very thoughtful, on both counts," she replied before signaling that he should enter.

"I don't want to impose or distract you," he said warily.

"You should come in. What I've been doing, researching, it involves us." Regina needed to be candid with this man she loved. "If we are going to spend our lives together, I should be honest about what I have been doing." Robin was intrigued and entered the dark cavern without a further word, following Regina to the stack of texts that covered the island in the middle of the room.

"What is all of this? Is there something coming?" He asked with alarm in his voice, assuming another battle was about to be waged.

"No. I, I was reading about True Love and Pixie dust," Regina confessed, indicating that Robin should sit down. "I've been thinking a lot about us, fate, and whether we are in love or if we just think we are because of fairies and storybook pages." Regina's eyes showed her soul as the orbs glistened with regret and sorrow as she knew these words would hurt him.

"Regina," he began softly, crouching in front of her to make eye contact since she had averted her eyes to protect herself from the seeing pain that was etched into his features. "Forget about all of this," he said gesturing he books, "It's simple really. Do you love me?"

"Yes," she answered sincerely. "I genuinely do love you." Regina started to shed a tear; she wanted to add that she thought she was also in love with someone else at the same time.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"Then, talk to me, where is all of this coming from?" Robin's voice grew a little stronger now that his fiancée had essentially assured him this wasn't a break-up conversation.

"I've been having doubts. A lot of them, for a while. That's not how it should be for True Love."

"I'm not with you because of some book, or prophecy. It was because I met you and fell in love with you. All this stuff, I think it existed to give us hope that through all the craziness these past few years have entailed, our happy ending was there. You worked hard for it, just like Emma said." The use of Emma's name caused Regina to wince slightly, something with Robin picked up on. "Is it perhaps Emma?"

"Perhaps, Emma, what?" Regina asked, wondering if she had inadvertently conveyed her urges.

"That you still feel you can't be happy unless she is? You have spoken of this before." Robin paused, choosing his words carefully. "How was Emma yesterday?"

"She's," Regina hesitated not sure how to classify how Emma was. "I suppose okay would be a fair assessment. She's back with Lynsey even though it's not a healthy relationship for either of them, but she looked like she had slept more."

"That's encouraging. I know you've been worried about her all summer. You can talk to me about it, Regina. I'm here for whatever you need."

"I know. I believe in love, in happy endings, that you're destined to be mine. It's just; I can't bring myself to be all in." Regina didn't care how vulnerable she was showing herself to be or how cruel her words were.

"I know," Robin said quietly. "That's why I haven't pushed for us to set a date. I know you're not ready yet. You and Emma, you're inseparable in a way. Neither of you can be fully happy unless the other is. Emma sacrificed everything to preserve your happiness, our happiness. It puts a lot of pressure on this relationship. For it to work. Your son, he believed in your happy ending, the power his storybook has. And then fate has been knocking at our door years before we met."

"You feel the pressure too?" Regina asked, relieved that Robin was precisely describing what she was feeling.

"At times, yes. I feel a lot of guilt about when I left you and went to live in New York."

"I understand why you left," Regina said quietly, unable to meet his eyes once more.

"I had good intentions, yes, but Regina I should have stayed here for you. I chose to give up on our relationship. I completely understand why you have doubts about our compatibility and our future." He caressed her hand as they sat in silence, each unsure where this conversation was navigating towards.

"Thank you for saying that," Regina said after a moment of internalized reflection. "I thought this would be easier. That there wouldn't be doubts," she added gently, finally meeting his eyes and showing the depth of her emotional pain.

"I think circumstances are making this harder for us than say, Snow and David. Our story is a little more, complicated? Which is fitting for this world. I don't think that dilutes the depth of our love though. Just makes us more cautious about accepting it."

"You don't love me less knowing I've been questioning our future?"

"Regina, I love you with everything I am. Based on your past, I can honestly say that there's nothing you could reveal that would make me walk away now. I'm all in. And I will give you however long you need to meet me there. Even if it is all our lives. As long as you are happy."

"I feel like I should love you. Like someone has written me a script and I'm acting it out at times. Like it's being forced on us. And then there are other moments when I'm with you, and I never want us to be apart. Emma said, about Hook, that she didn't miss him. That she didn't look for him or wish he was here with her. But I feel that way with you. I want to tell you about my day, what I think about a news article-"

"Do you think that way about anyone else?"

"Emma," Regina confessed flatly. She hadn't implied this was anything other than platonic in her delivery of the blonde's name.

"So Emma and I are your best friends," Robin concluded. "Regina, you control your own life. You get to make the choices, direct the path. Only you can know what your heart and mind want and what is just background. I know you believe in fate and magic, but these texts, they don't, nor should guide you."

"Emma said the same thing at Christmas."

"Emma is wise and only wants what's best for you. I'm a patient man Regina; take your time and let me know how I can help and what you want when you know." Robin kissed Regina tenderly on the back of her hand as he started to rise and leave. "Make sure you eat some of that salad. I know you didn't eat breakfast. I'll be at the bar; Zelena has the kids."

Regina sat alone and began to shake. Robin had just demonstrated that he understood and loved her more than she could ever have hoped. She wondered if she and Emma was something she had created in her mind as an exit strategy. A way to sabotage this relationship because she wasn't ready to accept that she was worthy of a happy ending. She glanced at the books and searched her soul for what she felt. She loved Emma, and she loved Robin. Maybe all their history existed so that at this moment fate could nudge her in the right direction. That Emma was a pipedream. If she chose Robin, would it be settling? Possibly, but it would be settling for a man she loved.

* * *

**Sunday**

"Are you sure it's okay that I tag along with you?" Lynsey asked as she walked next to Emma and Henry as they made their way from the parked car to the restaurant.

"Positive. Do you want me to show you the message again?" Emma teased while grabbing Lynsey's hand, pulling her a little closer.

"Yeah, Mom doesn't hand out sympathy invites. You were mentioned by name. You are most definitely welcome," Henry assertively stated.

Lynsey tried to hide her nerves behind a smile as she walked in sync with her blonde while Henry opened the door for them. Regina and Robin had already arrived at the crawfish house and greeted the trio with beaming grins and hugs. Regina even embraced Lynsey, who reciprocated to prevent the propagation of awkwardness.

"So, how did it go? Did you guys pick a cake?" Emma inquired as the waiter filled her wine glass from the bottle that was already on the table.

"Oh, we picked a cake, invitations, flowers, a caterer," Robin began, his eyes teasing Regina as he recalled the exhausting afternoon they had experienced with their newly-found wedding planner. It didn't surprise him that Regina only needed a few phone calls to make an appointment happen with only a few hours notice. It didn't matter that it was a Sunday.

"Yes, it was quite an experience and far easier than me-" Regina began, "I mean us," she corrected, "figuring it out by ourselves."

"Yes, there's nothing like efficiency when it comes to planning a wedding," Robin teased, pulling Regina close. Emma and Lynsey both exchanged a look that conveyed they'd both noticed this behavior was akin to a couple on a honeymoon.

"I guess I was wrong. I see what you see now; they are great together," Lynsey whispered into Emma's ear. She searched the blonde's eyes for that familiar flicker of sorrow that always accompanied this topic, but Emma staved it off for once.

"I told you. They're perfect for each other," Emma muttered back.

"Are you mentally undressing her tonight?" Lynsey asked suggestively.

"Well, I hadn't been until now," Emma answered playfully.

"If it helps, I am too. You do have impeccable taste." Emma's shy smile caused Lynsey to stroke her cheek with the back of her finger before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"So, Henry, how was the convention?" Robin asked after freeing Regina from his grasp and clasping his hands in front of him.

"Oh man, it was awesome. I met-" Henry commenced. Regina, however, barely heard the details of his tale, for her attention was redirected when she looked at Emma and Lynsey who were laughing, then shared a tender kiss. Emma looked joyful, content, and relaxed. The sight of it made her feel the same. Regina joined in the conversation with a bitter smile on her face. Despite everything she had in her future, she was certain there was an ailment she would have to learn to live with; the hole in her heart that only Emma could fill.

As the evening began to wind down and the check was being called for, Emma watched Regina closely. They'd progressed past the initial uneasiness of the evening smoothly. She had even teased her during dinner with, 'I didn't think you knew how to eat with your hands'. It had all been received well. But now, Regina seemed on edge; she was even fidgeting. Regina Mills did not fidget.

"Are you okay? You seem, nervous?" Emma asked with a tone of concern that silenced the rest of the party.

"I've been wanting to ask you something, for a while," Regina started, her voice unsteady. She looked to Robin for support, which she received an encouraging squeeze of her hand.

"So ask me?" Emma said feeling hesitant about what was coming, but desperate to know.

"Well, we're mixing this land's traditions with ours, and well, that means I need a Maid of Honor, and I was hoping you could help me out with that."

"Really? Why not ask Zelena?" Emma replied unable to process. She felt Lynsey squeeze her hand under the table, offering any strength she could take. She didn't look at Emma, hoping it would help maintain the blonde's resolve.

"Because I want you," Regina said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Emma realized instantly the subtext of this loaded question; 'I'm marrying Robin and I see you as a friend.' The relationship boundaries had been drawn, and she was being given a choice: let her feelings for Regina consume her, or move on.

"I'd love to," Emma said enthusiastically, before rising to hug the bride. She played her bluff well, not letting anyone see the searing pain that radiated through her chest.

The truth was, Emma loved Regina enough to walk away.


	7. Tête-à-tête

**September**

"An inmate of Cumberland County jail is trying to contact you. To accept the charges, please press star now."

Regina pressed to accept the call immediately, knowing there was only one person she knew who lived in that county, Emma Swan. As the seconds multiplied and she heard nothing but clicks from the other end of the line, Regina began to panic as to the nature of the blonde's predicament. She may have been asleep seconds earlier, but adrenaline had her fully conscious now.

"Regina," Emma said pleadingly.

"Emma, are you alright? What happened? What do you need?" Regina's mind was racing faster as she heard the lack of composure, fear, and regret emanate from Emma in that one desperate word.

"I didn't mean to; I didn't. It just happened. She's dead. I killed her, Regina," Emma confessed, slurring her words through unmistakable drunken sobs. The effect on Regina at hearing Emma in such distress was profound. She forced herself to close her eyes and take a long, calming breath. As she did so, she felt a comforting hand trace down her back as Robin shifted himself to sit next to her. Regina was so focused on Emma's predicament that she failed to notice Robin's anxious demeanor and subsequent desire to hear details.

"Emma, just breathe. It's going to be okay. I'll get a lawyer. I'm on my way. Don't say anything until I get there." The brunette was already out of bed and had magicked herself into her typical tailored Mayoral attire, determined to look powerful to anyone that resisted her will in the city.

"I don't need a lawyer tonight. I need bail so I can go home," Emma said quietly, the shame in her voice starting to shine through as her diction improved. Hearing Regina's voice had brought her enough comfort that clear, logical thoughts were beginning to return. She knew how the system worked and how to navigate the next few steps to gain her temporary freedom.

"I thought you said you killed someone?" Regina asked slowly as her motions slowed, turning to finally face and include Robin in the conversation once they shared a confused look. She didn't follow how Emma could be certain of being granted bail after being charged with a homicide.

"I did. But that's not why I'm here. I was booked because of what I did after that, driving." Emma's voice had trailed off, her fragility unmistakable. She hoped the single word combined with her intoxicated tearful state would convey the offense for which she was arrested.

"Emma, you're not making much sense." Though her observation was accurate, Regina had now pieced together that Emma had been driving under the influence. However, she remained perplexed as to how Emma was responsible for taking a life and why she was being so cavalier about confessing to a crime in a conversation that was undoubtedly being recorded. Emma's sense of remorse was something Regina admired and respected, but the brunette knew this quality was toxic to Emma's future in this situation. "I want you to have a lawyer before seeing a judge." Regina was defiant.

"That won't happen until the arraignment, if there is one." Regina had to force herself to remember that Emma undoubtedly knew the pre-conviction routine from her days before Storybrooke on top of what she garnered from being Sheriff. Regina's musings almost caused her not to hear Emma add, "I just can't. I need someone to help me get out of here."

"Emma, it will be alright. I'll bring cash to the jail. How much will I need?" Regina was mentally counting the stacks of American dollars she had stashed in various locations throughout the town. She began to panic that she wouldn't have enough and would need to wake people to open the bank, or 'borrow' some using magical teleportation.

"A grand. Luckily it's a standard misdemeanor and my first offense, so it's not too much. And the bail commissioner has set it, so I don't have to wait days for a judge. I'll pay you back. I just can't get it myself, you know, with being in jail and such." Regina rolled her eyes at the specifics and jargon Emma was expressing when a simple answer would've sufficed. Regina, however, was comforted at how controlled Emma sounded now compared to the beginning of their conversation.

"I'm not worried about the money, Emma. I'm worried about you." Both women purposefully let the brunette's words hang in the air. Emma was comforted by their implications and wondered if Regina would say anything more, while Regina waited for Emma to express anything at all in response. Instead, for nearly a minute, the blonde's deep, uneven breathing was all that filtered down the line.

"My whole life, I've made a mess of everything," Emma muttered before her uncontrollable sobbing began again. Emma hated that she literally couldn't get herself out of this predicament alone; that she needed someone. The fact that it was Regina coming to her aid eased the loss of her self-reliance considerably. "Please Regina, please just be here for me."

"I will leave as soon as this conversation ends, but I still don't understand." Hearing Emma's pain had enabled Regina to maintain her responses to those conveying empathy rather than articulate the anger she was feeling. It was difficult for the Mayor to temporarily repress the need to berate the blonde for her foolish and reckless behavior. Emma's drinking binges had concerned Regina to the point where sleeping was, at times, challenging; she had been comforted by Emma's home's proximity to her favorite watering hole. Drinking and driving, it wasn't something she would tolerate or ever understand. She didn't care if it was hypocritical viewpoint from someone with her previous crimes. "Did you hit someone with your car?" Regina's tone was now more direct, and no longer held the softness and comfort it previously had.

"No. At work. She's dead because of me." Emma's words were cold, distant, empty.

"You made a mistake?" Slow, precise words.

"I only make mistakes." A long, tension-filled silence followed once more, for Emma wasn't able to relive her night in detail yet, and Regina was carefully processing Emma's words.

"I will be there as soon as I can, I'm leaving now. We will work through this." Regina recognized that firefighting was something that had helped drive Emma through her recent life. Therefore, this revelation caused her to feel sorrow and desperation for her friend, even though she was pleased Emma's drunken escapades hadn't resulted in her taking a life. In an opposite action to the words she articulated, Regina sat on the bed, feeling she no longer had the strength to stand.

"Just you?" Emma asked, but it was also a preference plea.

"Just me." As the softly spoken phrase rang out, Emma ended the call.

Regina stared at the phone for a few seconds before she heard Robin shuffle into his jeans and his belt's clang reverberate around the dark, silent room. She knew from her end of the conversation he was somewhat aware of the situation and was intending on coming to the city with her.

"I'll go alone," Regina murmured still staring at the phone, thinking intently.

"You don't seem in a good state to drive," Robin said softly, expressing only love and concern. Neither knew it, but Regina's eyes were rimmed with tears, and her complexion was pale. What Robin had spotted was her irregular breathing and a slight shake that rippled through her upper body.

"I'll be fine," Regina assertively stated as she stood and straightened her attire, silently frustrated she had paused for a minute instead of already heading towards Emma.

"Please Regina, let me just drive you to the city. I'll sit in the car; she'll never know I was there."

"I said no. If you want to be useful, stay here and take care of Henry for me." Regina snipped.

"How is she?" Robin asked in an attempt to defuse Regina's aggression and talk through her apparent state of shock before she departed. He wanted her to have a clear mind and knew Emma in distress was something that always clouded that.

"Not good. I don't know when I'll be back."

"What do you want me to tell Henry?"

"Tell him," Regina paused for she wanted to not lie to her son, yet she didn't currently have the facts needed to inform him. "Tell him I had to go help Emma. It's up to her to tell him the truth. I'll call when I can."

Regina walked out of the bedroom without waiting to hear that Robin agreed or giving him the opportunity to comfort his fiancée. Instinctively, she rushed to the office and filled her bag with stacks of cash, their amount well in excess of what Emma said she would need. It wasn't until her car passed the town line that Regina let her tears fall. Emma's actions this year had been full of signs that she was unraveling, that she was fundamentally unhappy and she hadn't been there for her. No matter how intense the pain was to be with, but not have Emma, Regina promised never to put her wellbeing before Emma's again.

* * *

Regina arrived at the county jail before dawn, though her lack of sleep wasn't evident. She had spent her time on the empty roads debating how to handle this situation. Emma was her friend and called for support and help, that was obvious. Emma, however, also needed someone to give her perspective; to make her face and deal with the issues that were consuming her. Balancing the roles of caring companion and calling Emma out on her behavior was going to be difficult to navigate. Ultimately, she decided simply to ask questions and listen, avoiding sharing her opinion when she could. Regina knew Emma's greatest punishment would come from herself, not the fire department, the law, or her family.

When Emma appeared nearly an hour after Regina had completed the paperwork and monetary business, she stared at the ground, too ashamed to look at the brunette or the world as a whole. Wordlessly, she signed for and gathered her belongings, turned toward the door, and struggled to raise her head. When she did, Regina saw reddened eyes and tear tracks on the blonde's cheeks. Their eyes connected for several seconds before Emma found the strength to say two loaded words, "Thank you."

"How about we get some breakfast, and you can take me through what happened? No judgment here." Regina said warmly. Her words made Emma tremble and she was only able to shuffle her feet toward the exit when she felt the strength of Regina's hand to guide her.

Emma slumped into the passenger's seat of Regina's car and gazed out of the window. She didn't ask where they were going as the car began to move. Although she was confused when Regina took the interstate, Emma didn't question it; she was grateful they weren't heading to her apartment and the view of the firehouse it adorned. Despite not caring not for their destination, she felt safe in their shared silence and then relief when Regina pulled into the parking lot of The Egg and I. Regina turned off the engine and sat, hesitantly, unsure how to act around Emma at this moment. The blonde's world had been on shaky foundations for months, and now it had finally collapsed.

"I concluded they would have something on their menu that you could digest," Regina finally said, frustrated that Emma was uncommunicatively staring at her clasped hands, with new tears keeping the tracks on her cheeks refreshed. The blonde's demeanor reminded her of Henry when he knew he had done wrong.

"You know I like the food here," Emma mumbled trying hard to compose herself and convey how grateful she felt.

"Then let's go eat and talk." Emma nodded, knowing she had no choice but to explain everything to Regina. Therefore, reluctantly, she navigated her way out of the car and used her hands to dry her eyes as best she could.

"A booth, in a quiet corner," Regina asked of the server once they entered. The restaurant had only just opened, meaning this request was not difficult to appease. Coffee, water, and a slice of toast as Emma's prefood was ordered without consulting a menu, and Regina stared at Emma expectantly once their privacy was restored.

"I don't know what to say, or how to act," Emma stammered, still feeling too ashamed to look at the woman she loved.

After a slight pause, Regina prodded with, "Why did you call me Emma?"

"Because I want you here. And it didn't occur to me to call anyone else." Those words touched Regina's heart. Despite their growing distance, it was she that Emma wanted to see her at her worst. Not Lynsey. Not Ryan. Not her parents.

"I assume you're not working today?" Regina asked sidestepping the mounting emotions while making sure there was no schedule to which Emma had to adhere to.

"No, I'm suspended pending investigation, and I got fired from the store last week."

"Why were you fired?" Regina had tried hard to suppress her shock and this additional layer to Emma's downfall, but her voice demonstrated it regardless.

"I fell asleep while I was working the register. Missed some shoplifters." Emma said with a passive shrug before she caught Regina slip and show a flicker of pity mixed with anger, "I know, I've screwed everything up. My job, my relationships, everything." Emma had spent her brief time in jail analyzing her life and recent choices. Most of her decisions hadn't been the best. Almost all were rash, instinctive, and involved no sense of forward planning.

Regina didn't get an opportunity to form a reply; she watched Emma collapse on the table, her head in her hands, and start to shake as wracking cries went through her body. She no longer had the presence of mind to care that they were in public and was creating a scene that the other patrons would discuss during their day.

Regina placed her hand on top of Emma's wrist and lowered her herself so she was as close to the blonde as the table would allow. "Hey, if there's one thing my story should teach you it's that no matter how low you think you've reached there is always a way to climb back up. You just have to want to find it and work for it."

With force, Emma's head shot up, and she looked straight into Regina's deep soulful eyes. She analyzed them before stating the guilt that was consuming her, "I killed someone, Regina. Someone that I was supposed to protect."

"That is a transgression I committed many times, Emma. And I did it intentionally. I'm sure whatever happened last night, there was no malice to it."

Instinctively, both women broke their contact when the waitress delivered the toast and filled their cups. Her warm smile conveyed sympathy, and she spoke more to Regina than Emma when asking if they needed anything else. Regina instructed she should return for their order when they needed refills.

"While you eat that, why don't you tell me what happened last night. All of it." Regina didn't intend it to be so, but her tone was one she would use with Henry. Just like her son though, Emma responded the same; exhaling heavily for composure and finding a place to start the tale.

"We were at this residential fire. Nothing dramatic. Two-story. The parents had gone out for dinner, and when they got back, their house was engulfed. By the time we arrived there was barely anything structural left." Emma paused and used her toast as a distraction. Regina sat, elbows on the table holding her coffee cup, sipping the contents sporadically, waiting.

"The parents, they weren't sure if their daughter was in the house. So we were sent in for a sweep. Chief gave us five minutes, which isn't long to do anything with that amount of smoke and you have to evaluate the building's integrity as you go."

Regina would never admit it, especially given the circumstances, but she liked how Emma's eyes finally showed a bit of life as she talked about her work. In all these months, there hadn't been a discussion about it, a fact which now filled Regina with regret. It was also evident that Emma was struggling to finish her account of the incident.

"I was with Bill, as a team of two, and we were sent upstairs to look for her. We were in her room. We searched everywhere, but we didn't find her and we were ordered out seconds later. Which is just as well as the inner structure gave way shortly after."

Regina listened and watched as Emma began to shake slightly; her green eyes flickered as she relived the search. Regina tried to remain neutral, not showing how much fear passed through her when she thought of Emma almost being in the building when it gave way.

"I looked Regina, we both did. I don't know how we missed her." Emma's voice was vacant, demonstrating how her mind was in the room, searching in an endless loop, trying to find that glimpse of memory as the where the girl had been.

"She was in her room?"

"Based on where we found her after we extinguished the fire, and what was around, yes. She was only fourteen, Regina. Just like Henry." Emma's words were now disjointed and strangled by grief. "I should have saved her; she should be alive right now."

"Is it possible," Regina began tentatively, "That is was too late for this girl?" Emma's confused glare prompted Regina to be blunt. "That even if you had found her then, would she have already been dead?"

"We won't know that until we get the ME's report, but it doesn't matter. It was my job to find her, dead or alive." Regina breathed deeply trying to piece it all together. Emma was going to feel the burden of this no matter what the examination and investigation would find.

"Admittingly, I know very little about firefighting, but from what you just said it was at worst a mistake or more likely a set of unfortunate circumstances." Emma glared at Regina with venom. "There was so much smoke you couldn't see; there was a time constraint, your safety was in jeopardy."

"That's what we train for. Fires aren't part of the routine, but this wasn't an abnormal day, Regina."

"And," Regina continued as though Emma's interjection hadn't occurred, "You were with someone with more experience, and they concluded the same as you."

"No, I looked under the bed. It's the most likely place she was. I cleared it. She must have been right in front of me. I even remember using my hand to feel for her. It's my fault, it is." Emma had now lost all composure and curled herself into the wall, unable to look at the perplexed woman across from her. Emma tried, but she couldn't find her oversight. She couldn't place the second she had been reckless, the moment she broke protocol.

"Emma, listen to me. I'm not hearing anything indicating that you were at fault, but if you were, then you've already learned from it. You'll never make the same mistake again. I know it's hard to see it now, but you'll be better for this."

Emma quietened at this wisdom, searching for something she could take from it. Their astute waitress saw that the crying and conversation was on pause and came to see if they needed anything. Regina ordered breakfast for the pair while Emma stared blankly into her coffee cup.

It was the softest words Emma had ever heard Regina part with that broke her concentration, "Do you want to be a firefighter, Emma?" Emma lifted her head and appreciated there was nothing but love in the question when she saw the pain laced into Regina's features.

"Yes. I love what I do. Whether it's a medical run, directing traffic, helping people trapped in cars, or the odd occurrence when I put out flames, it, it makes me feel alive. Firefighting, my work, it's my escape from reality. I'm, I thought I was good at this; that I'd found something in my life that I was born to do that wasn't breaking a curse. I'm not even a real firefighter yet, and it's been ruined. I'm not good enough."

Regina tried to process all the emotions Emma had just conveyed. Her voice had wavered, her eyes had danced at times. It was sorrow and joy expressed in equal measure. "Emma it isn't ruined. You're still training as you said. You are good enough, or you wouldn't have made it this far."

"Depending on the investigation's outcome, I might be fired. This could all be over, and I don't know what I'd do next." Regina couldn't stand not being connected any longer and clasped her hands around Emma's which were still holding the coffee cup.

"How about we deal with that scenario if it happens?" Regina offered, knowing there weren't words that could break the despair that outcome would bring. Emma barely demonstrated a nod as her brain was still lost in trying to find her self-worth. "What happened after the fire?" Regina asked trying to keep Emma talking and prevent the destructive thoughts she knew the blonde was having from consuming her.

"The chief suspended us at the station. I got in my car and drove. I was going to Lynsey's," Emma began, only stopping once she realized she hadn't thought about, let alone contacted the brunette. She knew once she turned on her phone there would be messages from at least her and Ryan. The firehouse was a small gossiping community.

"But you didn't go there?"

"No. Lynsey wasn't home, so I drove around for a while until I stopped at a bar I've never been to before. A random place that looked run down, where no one would find or bother me."

"Emma, I don't know how to put this delicately, so I won't. Do you have a drinking problem that we need to address?" It was a question Regina should have asked months ago at the graveyard. It was a question Emma had expected, one she'd even asked herself as she sat with the other drunks in the jail.

"I'm not an alcoholic, in that I don't wake up and need to drink to function."

"But you use it to deal with your problems." A statement, not a question.

"It makes me feel better for a while." Regina watched as Emma searched within herself and felt the intense pain that radiated from her. "I can escape things for a few hours. Sometimes I drink too much."

"Like last night?" It wasn't Regina's intention to provide Emma with a diversionary tactic, but the blonde seized it as an opportunity to continue her story and avoid admitting that she normally drank because it was the only way to not fantasize about Regina being her wife.

"Yeah. It was closing time, and I got kicked out. I thought I was fine, or good enough and my apartment was only a few minutes away using only side streets. A cop pulled me over for rolling through a stop sign. Guess you know the rest." Emma's heart didn't have the capacity to hold more guilt or feel any glimpse that she could one day forgive herself.

Their food arrived seconds later, and the women reluctantly broke their contact as their plates were presented to them and their cups and glasses were filled. Regina knew she had to tread carefully and with great care posed the idea that had come to her.

"Why don't you come to Storybrooke, until they wrap up the investigation? You could spend more time with Henry."

"And tell my parents what exactly? The truth?" Emma threw back, feeling the disappointment she would cause her family. "And Henry for that matter?"

"Tell your parents whatever you need to. I hear vacation time is something people take. As for Henry, I think we've both learned not to lie to him."

Emma stared at her food, reflecting on this point she'd reached in her life just like she had the night before, except instead of trying to cover her self-hatred with alcohol she was thinking about if she could face being around Regina constantly. Distance hadn't helped. Even this morning she felt pain just being near her in equal measure to how good it felt that Regina was here.

"I know your house is being rented to the Hardy's, so I'd want you to stay with us, just like you did over Christmas," Regina said softly. "That way you can be around your parents on your terms." It was a good cover, and both knew it. Regina wanted Emma around so she could watch her. The truth was, Emma knew she needed someone to help her get back on track.

Regina studied Emma expectantly and smiled when she heard the response, "Can I bring my cat?" Regina knew Emma's acceptance of help was equivalent to her asking for it.

"You can bring any damn thing you want. Though I must say, a witch with a black cat, how cliché." It had been the first time that morning Emma had seen Regina smile in a manner that wasn't lined with pity. It was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"He's a tuxedo. He has plenty of white tufty bits." Emma was being a little defensive, but overall playful, desperate to balance the conversation and make its content lighter now that her confession was complete.

Regina smiled and sipped on her coffee before lifting the cutlery and indicating Emma needed to do the same. Neither cared how motherly the action felt. Regina wanted nothing more than to take care of Emma and Emma wanted nothing more than to have Regina take care of her.

Both knew that tomorrow Emma would be resilient and independent; today, though, she had been strong enough to ask for the help she needed.


	8. Failure to Contain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There's a short scene near the end of this chapter where we alternate between Emma and Regina's thoughts. Their thoughts are in italics.
> 
> Also, a couple of instances of swearing occur in that scene!

 

 

 

Emma had unintentionally slept for most of the car journey back to Storybrooke. Regina, though, hadn't tried to keep the blonde awake, for it was evident she hadn't slept in nearly thirty-six hours. Their day had been filled with retrieving the Bug from the impound and stopping by Emma's unkempt apartment to retrieve some belongings, and of course, the cat. Boris, who was unimpressed by his temporary home in the confines of his carrier, had meowed for the first eight minutes of the drive, only to cease once he realized the humans were not paying attention to him. Finally, he relented and settled down to sleep due to boredom. Therefore, Regina drove with only her thoughts for company, endlessly wondering if bringing Emma home was the best thing to do. She hadn't even consulted the other members of the household over this decision.

The car came to a sudden stop after it had barely crossed the border since Emma had been startled awake and was holding her hands over her ears before unsuccessfully trying to summon some magic. Regina surmised the issue immediately and covered the car in a soundproof bubble. Almost as quickly, Emma relaxed and looked at a confused Regina who also adorned a worried expression.

"The spell around the dagger is still in place. I don't know why you're hearing it at all, never mind so intensely," Regina reasoned out loud, unable to look at Emma while she searched her knowledge base for understanding. "Do you always hear it when you're in town?"

"Yes," Emma said breathlessly, still visibly shaken from her most recent invasion. "I can normally create enough magic around me so it's just background, but-" Emma said trailing off and staring at her hands.

"Your magic isn't exactly cooperating."

"I guess I'm tired."

"And that explains why you avoid coming here." Emma had no intention of correcting the brunette as to her main motivation to avoid the town. Admittingly though, the magically induced schizophrenia-like symptoms were a powerful disincentive. "Why didn't you tell me?" Regina sounded affronted, hurt even, as she discovered another layer to Emma's secretive life. She hated how distant they'd become just to suit her own sense of self-preservation.

"I had a workaround; it was good enough. I didn't want to bother you."

"You need to stop doing that," Regina said flatly. Emma nodded and seemed to have recovered sufficiently from her abrupt call to consciousness. "Does it say anything specific?" Regna prodded, hoping she could get some insight into the dagger's power and effect on the Savior.

"It's the same as always; muffled voices that bring with it the urge to use Dark Magic." Emma may have off-handedly spoken as though it were nothing, but Regina read through the tough exterior Emma was portraying. She wouldn't question it but was now mindful of the dagger's effect. Once again, uncertainty over her invitation was weighing on her mind.

"Well, I'll take care of the magic today. Is it okay now?" Regina asked with trepidation as she tried to read Emma, something at which in the past she had been an expert. Subconsciously, she had placed her hand on Emma's thigh, a move that was intended to express concern and friendship but instead proved to be an action that caused both to feel a tingle of passion.

"Yes, thank you." Emma gave a weak smile of appreciation before looking at Regina's hand and quickly diverting her eyes to her own as cover. Regina was so consumed by the resurgence of inappropriate thoughts that she had for the woman, that Emma's slip in her resolve went unnoticed. Feeling deflated, Emma stared out the window at the trees lining the road, begging her mind to stop visualizing her and Regina curled up under a blanket watching a movie together. With the correct interpretation of her passenger's actions, Regina wordlessly started the drive into town. No small talk came to either of them as they navigated through the populated areas. Both were thinking about being with the other but in very different ways.

* * *

Emma stared at her reflection in the mirror long enough for her vision to blur before she found the presence of mind to brush her teeth. While doing so, she looked around at the bathroom that was primarily Henry's, finding evidence of how much he had changed since they lived together. Towels were now neutral and masculine; gone were the superhero logos that had once marked them and a variety of merchandise that used to clutter the sink. She plonked her toothbrush into the cup next to his, and the side of her lips crinkled into a smile.

"Night Ma!" Henry called from his room when he heard her exit the bathroom that they were now sharing. He was highly enthusiastic and complimentary in regards to her unscheduled visit and took any opportunity to show it with exaggerated energy. She wondered if he was overcompensating, trying to demonstrate that he didn't think less of her and loved her just as he had yesterday. Even if that were the case, Emma appreciated it.

"Night, Kid," she called back, finding the strangeness of her evening increasing with each passing moment. She closed the door to Regina's guest bedroom behind her, leaning against it for support as she relished finally being alone.

Her unexpected arrival had created a tense atmosphere in the house, with everyone tiptoeing around topics after Emma bluntly stated the facts of her recent life. Dinner had continued in the same vein, with one disjointed conversation after another, which only maintained a sense of flow by Henry's ability to find dialogue from any starting point. Thankfully, after dinner activities had consisted of her and Henry escaping to the den to play video games until her weariness had ended their evening.

Emma opened her eyes after an extended blink and saw Boris sitting on the bed, wearing an expression of great dissatisfaction. "I know; this is different. That's the point. It feels wrong, but everything that's felt good recently hasn't really worked out particularly well. So, we're going to stay here for a few days. It's a big bed; you can sleep by my feet?" Despite Emma's explanation, she was met with indifference.

With a heavy sigh, Emma moved to change into her sleepwear, finding her nightlight in the process. She had learned from her visit over the holidays that the trickle of light from the street lamp wasn't enough to mitigate the darkness for her. Briefly she started to unpack, but in the end, left her belongings in her bag in case the awkwardness she felt resulted in her requiring a fast exit strategy to Granny's. The last thing she wanted to do was disrupt Regina's and Henry's lives. Proximity to Regina was always a lingering concern for her mental health too.

"Wasn't so bad for you though; you even got chicken," Emma thoughtfully noted as she crawled into bed and reached for the feline, hoping he would let her scratch his ears. Quickly, Emma felt the exertion of the past few days overtake her body and she snuggled into the pillow, comforted by the scent Regina's detergent expelled. Regretfully, Emma had forgotten to turn off her phone and a hearty buzz shook her away from her tranquil state.

**Where are you?**

Emma mentally cursed when she saw Lynsey's text. Although she had sporadically updated her throughout the morning, Emma hadn't divulged where her final destination was as she partly believed she would change her mind before arriving.

_Regina's. To see Henry._

**Jeez Emma. Quite the masochist. Are you alright? Want me to come?**

Lynsey was always the perfect buffer for Emma when it came to Regina, but the blonde felt that she finally had to address her Regina fixation head on. That and Lynsey in Storybrooke would be next to impossible to deal with currently too.

_Thanks, I'll be okay. I'll see my parents and my brother. Hopefully I'll be back at work soon._

**OK. Call me anytime. Ryan is furious. Thinks the chief overreacted.**

_Well I've been disciplined for not following orders…_

**Ryan decided that was why, but it will all work out. From what I've heard it seems like you followed protocol.**

_Thanks._

**Are you OK? You sound… distant?**

_Sorry, I'm exhausted. Just got into bed._

**Sleep well, Ems. Call me if you can't. Miss you. It's cold here without your furnace of a body.**

_Night ;)_

Emma was grateful Lynsey could read between the lines and that their conversation was short so she could return to the mission of sleeping throughout the night. She'd taken an aid, and with Regina's help, her head was clear and quiet. Focusing on her darkened phone, she thought of Lynsey and the guilt she felt towards her. She knew the brunette was hoping Emma's feelings would evolve into something more substantial. They hadn't, and both knew their time was coming to an end, but neither could break their connection fully. It was destroying Emma to use someone she cared for, while Lynsey was emotionally descending deeper. Knowing that her life needed major changes, Emma closed her eyes and vowed to take it one day at a time. A minute at a time if need be. Boris' purr reverberated around the stillness of the room and formed a lullaby that serenaded Emma into a land of dreams. She had made it through the day, and the broken pieces were starting to be glued back together.

* * *

Until this point, Emma's morning had been relatively sedate. She had risen with the sun, having slept with minimal interruption and enjoyed a vigorous, energizing run through the woodland behind the mansion. She'd even timed her shower easily with Henry, who was exiting as she wanted to enter. That was in sharp contrast to her present predicament, as she stood at the kitchen's entranceway watching this family go through their morning routine.

Henry and Roland were at the kitchen table eating cereal, though Henry was nose-deep in a book and Roland was preoccupied with the plastic toy he had found in his bowl. Robin was spreading butter on slightly burnt toast while Regina prepared sandwiches for their lunches. She could hear and then see Boris diligently follow Regina as she moved from the fridge to counter.

Emma was uncertain how to behave or how to navigate to the coffee pot casually. Despite her brain telling her to leave the scene, her feet wouldn't move, and she remained stationary, watching the domestic spectacle play out before her. Emma couldn't believe she was watching Regina make packed lunches for the children. It seemed so normal, so motherly. A smile adorned her face when she realized she was witnessing a glimpse of Henry's childhood. Regina had made him lunches with sandwiches and apples, completed with a little note.

"Here you go Roland," Regina said as she placed his brown bag in front of him. It was then Emma noticed her cat, at Regina's feet, still following persistently.

"Thanks, Mama Regina!" He called happily before inspecting it and smiling giddily.

"You're welcome. Henry, here's yours," she added, handing him a larger meal.

"Thanks, Mom," Henry said with far less enthusiasm.

"Alright, five minutes and the Robin-mobile is heading to school," Robin called cheerfully before biting into a freshly buttered slice of toast.

"Coffee?" Regina offered the blonde, whom she finally spotted. The Mayor offered a warm, welcoming smile since she noticed Emma seemed a little vacant.

"Please," Emma replied, her face shifting to cover-up the pain the interactions she'd just witnessed caused.

"Sorry, school mornings can be a little hectic sometimes," Regina said, indicating Emma should sit before turning to get the much-needed caffeine. "Boris, please," she hissed after walking into him. It allowed for all to have a collective laugh at Regina's expense.

"This time though, it's my fault. I overslept," Robin stated, still giggling as Boris continued to infuriate Regina with his presence. "I don't know what your plans are today, Emma. But if you're free, there's loads to do around the bar," Robin offered, gulping his coffee before bringing Roland's backpack to the table, checking its contents for homework and stationary, before adding the prepared lunch.

"It's fine. Glad I went for my run and woke up," Emma said trying to infuse humor into her response.

"You're still meeting me later, right Ma?" Henry asked as he stood and plopped his book, laptop, and lunch into his bag.

"Yep, Kid."

"Cool. Bye Moms."

Henry started the mass exodus, which included precision tidying from each of them. In a series of coordinated movements that blurred together, the dishwasher was loaded, the cereal boxes returned, and the chairs were neatly aligned. During the commotion, Emma gratefully accepted and sipped her coffee while remaining too mesmerized to move. The shutting of the front door brought with it a jarring silence that ended with the running of water as Regina wiped the surfaces and started to clean the glasses.

"We take turns. Either it's the school run or the dishes," Regina said, feeling the need to justify her actions.

"It suits you. The domesticated life," Emma pointed out honestly before taking the seat their son had just vacated.

"Is the spell not working?" Emma's lifted eyebrows showed she didn't understand what had instigated the question. "I heard you mumbling in your sleep, and you look tired." Regina wasn't going to be tactful. She felt a blunt, direct, and honest approach would work best on Emma. It didn't give the blonde something to hide behind.

"Oh, no. It's working fine, thanks." Emma tried to look more awake, but Regina saw right through it.

"So you're not sleeping because? Don't lie to me and tell me it was about yesterday. You haven't been sleeping well for a while; it's why you were fired." Regina sat across from the blonde and sipped her coffee, her expression expectant. If it was meant to feel like an interrogation, Regina had set the mood perfectly.

"I don't know. I'm tired, and I sleep. I just wake up exhausted, like I've been on shift. I tried meditation, sleep aids, listening to damn new-age music."

"Do you have nightmares?" Regina asked, her voice now substantially softer.

"Sometimes. More so when I sleep alone." Emma looked embarrassed as she spoke the last few words. The pair shared a look that demonstrated Regina was debating the pursuit of a conversation about Emma's girlfriend.

"She loves you," Regina opted for.

"I know."

"But you don't love her?" There was something about the way Regina was staring at her, those soulful brown eyes drilling for sincerity, that increasingly spurred Emma into sharing her soul.

"No. I, we, hoped that I could get over someone and fall in love with her, but that hasn't happened. She knows it; we talk about it a lot. We try to break up, but it's not long before we end up back together." Regina immediately thought Emma was referring to Hook and felt confused by the mixed emotions she had now expressed towards him.

"She's hoping your feelings will develop if given more time?"

"Yes. I told you. I only make bad decisions."

"Well, relationships are complicated. I'm not one to judge. She seems nice and cares for you." Regina felt Boris rub his body against her leg repetitively before jumping onto her lap. Regina was too startled to instruct him to get down, and in return, he shifted himself slightly before curling up. Emma struggled to not laugh as Regina's expression changed from shock to deep curiosity.

Emma appreciated the intrusion for it proved a perfect deflection from the conversation that was close to discussing the true yearnings of her heart. "So, Mayor stuff today?"

"Yes, meetings and paperwork. It's a tedious job at times."

"Don't play coy. I know you love it," Emma teased.

"He appears to be vibrating," Regina commented as she stared at her lap.

"He's purring! It means he likes you." It may have been unintentional, but Emma was flirting.

"And what does the day hold for you, Miss Swan?" Regina unwittingly raised an eyebrow playfully as she held her cup agonizingly close to her lips.

"Off to see my brother and then I made an appointment with Archie before picking up Henry." Regina's expression changed to one of surprise before a slight smile emerged. "Well, it's why I'm here, right? To sort myself out?" Emma jested, finally reaching for the toast Robin had made for her.

Regina couldn't bring herself to cross the friendship line to say it, but she was proud of Emma. While absentmindedly stroking the ears of her new friend, Regina watched as Emma playfully added jam to her toast and took pleasure in the way the blonde mixed more milk into her coffee. The little jingle her spoon made on the side of the mug filled Regina's heart with song. Having Emma home was everything she didn't know she needed.

* * *

"You really didn't need to buy me ice cream," Henry said before taking another generous lick from his cone. They had chosen to enjoy their frozen treat in the comfort of Emma's bug in an attempt to retain some body heat.

"Says the one who got three scoops," Emma teased. "Please don't tell your mother," she added with a playful nudge of his shoulder.

"Aren't you my mother?" Henry loved bantering with Emma, just to make her smile, which had been achieved once more. "If you meant the other one, then sure, secrets are safe with me, Ma. Which is why I want you to talk to me," he said without any sense of subtlety.

"What do you want to talk about?" Emma asked timidly. She had made it clear during yesterday's blunt recounting of facts that that was as far as she wished to delve.

"Pretty much everything and anything about what's wrong."

"I'm fine, Kid."

"Nope, try again." Emma scowled at her son, who kept his cheeky grin intact while he focused on his cold treat. "You just talked to Archie. I know it was the first session, but did you get any insight into what the underlying issue is?" Henry's years in therapy were shining through.

"The issue?" Emma asked, feigning ignorance. In a classic response learned from his other mother, Henry raised his eyebrows and glared, waiting for a more acceptable answer. "Kid, my problems are just that, mine."

"Yeah and not talking about them has really worked out well so far." Even though his words were cut-throat with a dash of snark, he kept his delivery light and full of love which Emma understood with the wide grin that followed. "Nice work admitting that you're not okay though," he added to soften his words further.

"I like this new chocolate caramel flavor," Emma said trying once more to divert the conversation away from her spiraling life.

"Ma," Henry said with a distinct air of desperation. "I know things must have been hard after he died, but then you seemed okay." Emma could see Henry's brain working, analyzing, and searching.

"They were," Emma replied truthfully, realizing that talking a little might appease her son's inquisitive mind. Henry understood what his mother was conveying; that the loss of Hook wasn't what prevented her from sleeping or drove her to drink her pain away.

"Okay then. Well, I've been thinking about it all day. Looking at old texts and stuff. Things, or rather you, changed, I think, around the time you started dating Lynsey. Does she not make you happy, or generally is it something with that relationship? I know you guys broke up for a while." Henry stared expectantly, licking his ice cream periodically, waiting. He left the tension lingering so Emma would feel the pressure to talk.

"Lynsey is great. You like her right?" Emma was struggling to shut down this interrogation, fearing Henry would get to the truth and would say anything to get him onto another topic, even if it was her on-off girlfriend.

"Yes, she's great, and you seem happy when she's around."

"That's good." Emma relaxed a little, feeling that maybe her slight pivot had worked.

"Well, you love your job, and you have friends," Henry continued, talking more to himself than Emma, who was enjoying Henry's slightly simplistic analysis of what makes a person happy and was genuinely curious as to what he'd come up with next. "I mean, nothing else has happened this year. Except that you and Mom became distant, especially after she got engaged-" Henry's eyes went wide and searched the pain that was now evident in his mother's green ones, which she had been unable to hide at the mention of Regina's name.

"Kid," Emma said pleadingly, knowing he had made the connection she had failed to conceal.

With gentle, restrained, soft words, Henry painfully stated, "You're in love with Mom."

"She can never know, Henry. Ever." Using his Christian name emphasized her point along with the stern defiant tone that accompanied it.

"Why?"

"She has her happy ending. This morning alone was proof of that. Think of how awkward things would be if she knew I had fallen for her. We couldn't all have dinner like we did last night."

Henry stared out the windshield onto the main street. He couldn't look at his ma as he thought about all the times Emma had been around Regina and Robin. How she was her Maid of Honor. How, because of him, Regina would always be in her life. He processed Emma's reason for remaining silent; he saw the logic in it. "When?" He finally asked.

"It was after Christmas. Just, one day I looked at her differently. Since then I can't stop visualizing us together. You, me, and her as a family." The despondency that laced Emma's words was agonizing for both.

"It must be torture."

"At times."

"I used to think you two would end up together; that it would be perfect. My two Moms." Henry admitted, quietly adding to the anguish lingering in the air. "You know after he died, I wondered about that happening a lot. Mom, she was, unsettled with Robin."

"Unsettled?"

"Yeah, like there would be moments where things didn't seem quite right. There was a sadness around her. I didn't realize it until now."

"But not now?" Emma felt hope enter her heart. Had Henry's proximity to the couple seen something that her distance could not?

"She's been better since they set a date for the wedding." Both became despondent with the acceptance of this truth. Henry had confirmed what Emma had long believed. It may have only been perception, but the air became cooler.

"See? No good can come of it. I'm trying to move past my feelings." Emma said trying to bring the conversation back from despair.

"Is that why you're dating Lynsey?"

"You're my son; we should be talking about your love-life, not mine."

"Mine is boring. Since Violet, there hasn't been anyone else. So back to you. Does she know you're in love with someone else?"

"Yes, she does. Now drop it." The pair returned to eating their ice creams which had melted slightly and needed immediate attention to prevent them from dripping over their hands onto their clothes. Emma waited, knowing that Henry was formulating his next question. The tension waiting for it became palpable.

"Do you love Mom more than you loved Hook?" The upturn of Emma's lips and the life that was suddenly infused into her eyes had answered the question before she spoke.

"Exponentially more."

"Isn't staying in the house making it worse? To see those two together constantly?"

"It's hard. They're a partnership; she's a mother again. I tried distance, though. Look where that got me," Emma jested.

"So like when you want to quit something, you have so much of it it makes you sick? That's your tactic here?" Henry knew that when it came to matters of the heart he had little experience, but he thought this was a bizarre notion.

"Yeah, I guess," Emma admitted with a soft chuckle. "Maybe if I see them together enough my brain will accept it."

"Maybe." Henry was dubious, and Emma knew it.

"She can never know," Emma restated, her voice the strongest it had been during their entire interaction.

"Your secret is safe with me, Ma. I promise. In return, even though I am your teenage son, please talk to me instead of destroying yourself."

No more words needed to be spoken. Emma pulled Henry close, kissed his forehead and they watched the world go by. Eventually, they chatted about school, Neal's childhood milestones, and ultimately their upcoming gaming session as they drove back to the mansion while the sun started to set.

* * *

Regina awoke startled, feeling Robin stir next to her. She listened into the stillness of the night trying to decipher what had broken her sleep with such force. Then she heard it again; Emma calling for help. Regina's feet moved quicker than she could process as she sprinted in the direction of the noise, which had ceased as dramatically as it had pierced the night.

"Nightmare?" Henry asked his mother as they nearly collided outside Emma's bedroom door. Roland and Robin were only seconds behind. Regina didn't take the time to respond before opening the door to find Emma tossing and fighting her bedsheets in equal measure. The only villains present were in her mind.

"Everyone go back to bed," Regina instructed before entering and closing the door. She watched Emma for a few seconds, trying to assess if the worst was over and if it was best to leave Emma asleep. Channelling her own and Henry's experiences, she knew if Emma could sleep through it, the emotional toll would be less. Without debating the inappropriateness of it, Regina sat close to Emma. She moved slowly to minimize the movement of the bed as it took her bodyweight. She recast the silencing spell hoping that if it were the dagger's call distressing her friend, it would help. She added another so no one in the house would hear Emma's cries, desperate to give the woman some privacy that her dreams were robbing from her.

However, when Emma continued to mumble, Regina didn't shy away from intently listening and trying to piece the scraps of information Emma was unintentionally divulging. She heard, "Kill, gut, no, heart, fire, Regina, there, fire, heart, Regina, blade, dagger, Henry, no, why, me, Regina," over the course of the next ten minutes, as Emma continued to shift uncomfortably in her sleep. Regina studied Emma's face, seeing the distortion in her features as she experienced whatever pain her mind was showing her. Regina didn't feel it, but a tear fell from her left eye as she stared and felt her heart break. She had noted the open curtains and the nightlight. This was a normal night for Emma.

Regina heard him before she saw his silhouette approach Emma's stilling form. Boris stopped by her head and lowered his to hers, offering the slightest contact, so she knew she wasn't alone. Emma quietened to indistinct chatter and rolled onto her side facing Regina, before her arm moved toward Boris's side. His ridiculous purr drowned out whatever Emma uttered next. Regina looked into his expectant eyes and didn't hesitate before she leaned forward and scratched his head appreciatively. He had done what she had been too scared to do.

If she had been asked at that moment to explain her actions, she would have answered instinct. It was instinct that told Regina to curl up opposite Emma, with only Boris separating them. She took a discarded blanket and covered them all in it and watched as Emma's breathing slowly relaxed and her deep frown release slightly. At first, Regina continued to stroke the feline's head and ears before her hand dropped through fatigue onto Emma's arm. She let it rest there and moved her thumb gently back and forth while she watched Emma. The action was soothing and just like months earlier, hearing Emma sleep was the sweetest lullaby she had ever heard.

"I'm nowhere near over you," Regina whispered, secretly hoping her truths would be heard.

* * *

"Regina?"  _Am I dreaming? Is she really here in my bed sleeping next to me? Damn, I shouldn't have said anything; she's stirring. She's still half asleep, and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. How I wish I could do this every morning. Just wake up and look at the way her nose is crinkling. Aww, she's a little blinded by the sunlight._

"How are you feeling?"  _When did I fall asleep? Emma looks confused. She'll wonder why I was here._

"I'm fine."  _Well. That wasn't convincing. She's holding my arm. Regina's touching me; it feels like home. Damn. She caught me staring and now it's gone. It felt so comforting._

"How long have the nightmares been this bad?"  _Keep staring into her eyes. Don't get lost in them. Stay focused. Make her answer you._

"They vary in intensity."  _I wish we could lie here in silence and I could stare at her. I want to move that strand of hair behind her ear. Just run my hand over her cheek._

"Since the darkness?"  _She's been in hell for over a year, and I've done nothing about it._

"Yes."  _She looks like I tore her heart out. When she looks at me like that, I feel guilty. I can't look into those eyes anymore. Roll away. Stare at the ceiling. Find resolve. Don't give into the dream. Be strong, Emma. Regina isn't your wife. You're not about to have breakfast in bed together. She probably wouldn't allow that anyway. Crumbs._

"Emma."  _Does she have to lie like that? I can see everything through that tank top. Imagining her in that and her red panties kept me going for years. Don't focus on her chest. Why is she breathing so deeply? Sit up against the headboard; look away. Look at that arm. Emma's arms. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything. I want to pleasure this woman._

"It's okay. Archie is going to help me. I can't exactly see anyone about this out of town."  _Why is she staring at me like that? She's being really weird. Is it possible that she looks even better upside down?_

"Good."  _Play with your hands as a distraction. She's your friend, not your lover. Your fiancé is down the hall. You shouldn't be thinking about the warmth you'd feel if you scooped her up. Did she say Archie is going to help her? Yes. Talk about that._ "Is being the Dark One what you dream about?"  _Fantastic, Regina. Pick something Emma would never want to talk about._

"Um, it depends. Sometimes."  _Don't tell her that your recurring dream is that she's your wife and she's trapped in a fire, and you can't get to her. Don't tell her that. Keep staring at the ceiling._

"Oh."  _What was that look Emma gave? I couldn't read it. Embarrassment? She doesn't want to tell me the content of her nightmares? Let her be._ "Well, finding a way to sleep will certainly help."  _Get out of Emma's bed. She's fine now; if you stay any longer, you're going to be caught staring at her breasts and her erect nipples. What possible cover will you have then? Don't think about how it would feel to finally clamp your lips around them, hearing her moan with desire._

"Yeah."  _I should ask her to leave. This is awkward. God, she's flawless though. She doesn't need makeup or designer clothes to look like the most perfect woman ever made. If she lays back down next to me, I'd twirl her hair in my fingers and softly kiss those lips. I'd take it slow, really slow. Tease her. Emma stop. You're here to not think about Regina this way. She's your friend. Your best friend. Your son's mother. She's staring at me with an odd expression. Fuck._  "Sorry, did you say something? I spaced out. Guess I'm tired."

"Oh, you're fine. Yes, you must be exhausted. Try to sleep more; it's still early."  _Just walk to the door, open it, and get to the other side. You're almost there._

"Thanks, Regina. For being here for me."  _I think I got the tone right there. Stop thinking about her. She's only wearing pajamas and you can't calm yourself. Okay, she's gone. Stare at the ceiling and count to ten. Because counting to ten will solve everything? She held me. It was just my arm, but she slept next to me. It was like she was mine. Count, Emma. For God's sake, start counting and breathe like a human._

"Fuck."  _He's your True Love. He's your True Love. He's your True Love. Emma doesn't want you. She doesn't. She needs a friend; support. Someone to be on her side no matter what. Stop leaning on her door and walk to your bedroom. He's still sleeping. He's a good man, a good father. It will be a goodlife with him. Emma isn't your True Love. Love is the most powerful magic of all. You tried to prove the pixie dust could be wrong, and you failed. Then why am I thinking about Emma as if she were my wife again?_

* * *

"Will the place be ready for the opening next week?" Emma asked Regina as they crossed the threshold into Robin's bar.

"Of course M'Lady," Robin said, tipping an imaginary hat, having overheard the question. "Do you like the name?" He asked as he watched Emma admire the napkins sitting on the bar.

"The Purple Arrow. How apt," Emma said, appreciating the nod to both proprietors. She took a seat on a bar stool and gazed at the establishment's interior. "I could easily get hammered here. I like it!" Emma's remark, though complementary, made Regina twinge. She hadn't approached that topic since the breakfast they'd shared in Portland.

"Well don't lounge about! There is plenty to do. Here," Zelena said as she handed Emma boxes of rice and salt and a tray of washed shakers.

Emma huffed as she dragged the items toward her and smiled when she heard her phone ring through the silence. "Saved by the bell," Emma exclaimed as she all but winked at Regina before her delight dissipated when she saw who was calling. "Excuse me," she uttered as she shuffled outdoors.

"She seems to have recovered from last night," Robin acknowledged, leaning in to kiss Regina who had taken Emma's seat.

"She does," Regina said half-heartedly engaging in the affection. Her expression conveyed that Emma was not a suitable topic of conversation when in public, even if that public was only her sister.

"If you sit there, you pour," Zelena said with a beaming smile, trying to tease a sense of influence over Regina. She'd successfully pestered the couple into hiring her, and she loved the sense of purpose and power this position offered.

"I am a Queen. And your boss. I do not fill shakers," Regina replied dryly, choosing instead to look around the room, creating a mental to-do list that they had minimal time to complete.

"So how long is your little visitor staying?" Zelena disgruntledly asked, feeling annoyed that Regina had easily won that sparring match and started aliquoting the salt herself.

"I don't know," Regina replied honestly, before turning to watch Emma pace on the deck, phone fixed to her ear, her features demonstrating great concentration.

"Would you like me to make you both something for lunch? We do have a wonderful selection of up-market bar-food for you sample," Robin offered, trying to get Regina to engage with him. They'd barely connected since she left for Portland and he missed their closeness.

"I'm not sure what our plans are. We were just walking and talking, and we ended up here." It was evident to Robin that he had only attracted the bare minimum of Regina's attention, for the brunette couldn't keep her eyes off the blonde who was now facing away from the bar.

"There's-" Zelena began, only to be cut off by a relieved looking Emma reentering. She didn't speak before plopping herself on the stool next to Regina.

"Zelena, can you get our guest some lobster roll bites to try, please?" Robin asked with just enough subtly that Zelena didn't realize she was being banished.

"Yes boss," she replied with snark, annoyed she felt like a servant.

"Is everything okay?" Regina whispered impatiently, hoping Zelena was now out of earshot. Their recent conversations meant it never occurred to Regina that the question was intrusive or inappropriate.

"Yeah, that was the chief," Emma began, her eyes flickering between Regina and Robin. "The girl; the preliminary autopsy was completed. She died before the fire." Emma spoke in a muted tone, showing no sense of relief or joy at this news.

"Well that's good, right? I mean not good good; you know what I mean," Robin said, trying to sound optimistic. Regina had remained quiet waiting for Emma to share anything else she wished to. She could tell Emma was still processing how she felt.

"Yeah, it's good I guess," Emma said quietly. "It helps I suppose, but it doesn't change the fact I missed her."

"What else did the chief say?" Regina asked gently, placing her hand on Emma's arm for support. A glove and jacket were separating them, but both felt the fire of the touch.

"Just that he interviewed the other guys and Bill. He wanted my statement for the report too. I'll send him something tonight. He sees no need for us to remain suspended. I can go back to work."

"Well that's wonderful news, right?" Robin said, surprised that both women were stoic and looked remorseful.

"I'll say. How about a drink on the house to celebrate?" Zelena said announcing her return, not understanding the context or why now all three pairs were glaring at her. All she heard was that Emma could go back to work and Robin's enthusiasm. "Lobster bite?" She said presenting the plate to Emma as if it were the product of a magic trick.

Emma knew a drink was what she wanted and Regina had understood that immediately by the way Emma's eyes changed at the suggestion. Emma had been able to put Portland and all of her shortcomings associated with the city out of her mind that morning. She'd been lost in treasuring the walk around the lake with Regina, their natural conversation flowing from one topic to another effortlessly. Now, she remembered why she was here. Her mistakes. It was vivid once more. Suffocating. A drink right now, that sounded like perfection. Not just one, but five. That's how she wanted to feel. Intoxicated.

"I have to-" Emma stammered, standing abruptly, her pace close to a run as she exited the establishment. Regina didn't speak before she just as quickly followed.

"Gosh, those two. You'd think it was them getting married," Zelena quipped before heading back to the kitchen, eating the lobster rolls as she went.

Robin scoffed at the comment and watched Regina catch up with Emma through the window. He then studied the way Regina grabbed Emma's hand, slowing the blonde to a halt. He observed as Emma rested her head on Regina's shoulder and the mayor ungloved her hand to caress the back of Emma's head. Emma seemed to sob into Regina's neck before initiating a hug that lasted for nearly a minute. They swayed together for its duration. Once they parted, Regina softly wiped Emma's tears away. Words were exchanged, Emma nodded, and both women smiled at each other, before resting their foreheads together for the briefest moment.

Robin replayed the past few months through this newfound lens. With a solemn realization that pierced his heart, he muttered to himself the truth he found.

"They love each other."


	9. The Agony of Avoidance

A/N: Apologies for how long it took for this update. My time was dedicated to writing "Henry's Christmas Wish" over the holidays and then… well? …Please forgive me! :)

* * *

It had been two days since Robin self-assessed that Regina and Emma were in love with each other. In that time, he'd experienced layered emotions associated with grief as his heart equipped itself for the pain he would feel when he let his fiancée go.

First, Robin felt denial. Immediately after he watched the pair walk away from the bar that afternoon, he'd begun to analyze the past, searching for the moment when it had all changed, when Regina felt more than friendship for Emma and vice versa. To him, he couldn't identify one single defining incident in the past year. Their connection went back further than that, even to long before Emma had become the Dark One to save Regina's soul. He had to have misinterpreted the situation. They must merely be best friends who cared deeply for one another in the absence of romantic desires. Otherwise, his entire relationship with Regina had been built on a shaky foundation that would never support the weight of marriage.

This train of thought had resulted in sudden, though fleeting, anger to course through him. Robin threw wine glasses at the wall as he seethed at the possibility that everything had been a lie. That the beautiful future he envisaged for himself, Regina, and his children as a family was destroyed. The resentment that fueled this rage was directed only at himself. Had he not been attentive, caring, considerate, or even adequate enough to partner Regina through the rest of her life? The notion they wouldn't grow old together hadn't occurred to him since the moment she'd had accepted his proposal of marriage. That arrogance had come from fate. Fate had done this. It had convinced him of security.

Therefore, while Regina drove Emma back to Portland the following day, he'd manipulated Zelena to break the blood magic seal on her sister's vault so that he could bargain with fate that their True Love status meant Regina's heart couldn't beat for another. A way to barter with the musty books so that in exchange for trying harder he could be given a written certainty that he was the one to make Regina happy for eternity. That, somehow, there was a way he could be spared the suffering of a broken heart.

Robin had read for hours, devouring everything he could understand, aided by the translations Regina had made previously. Everything stated and reiterated that True Love was eternal; that it was the only magic strong enough to transcend realms. It was clear, concise, repetitive. He realized then that Regina had studied every text, book, and object she had pertaining to True Love not to convince herself that their love was destiny, but to find a loophole. She had been searching for the opposite conclusion to him. Regina had wanted to break free. It was possible that she was only still with him because magical scripture told her this was her happy ending, not because of what she felt inside.

He'd walked home that night resigned to the fact he had to talk to Regina about Emma, to confirm his observations, and discuss what she wanted to do next. As sure as he now was, he continued to berate himself for believing Regina had fallen for another and yet had withheld this information. He could only hope that it would speak more to his insecurities than anything ill toward her and was determined that this would be how he approached the conversation. If he were wrong, Regina would be offended at the insinuation, and this would rightfully lead to a significant argument about respect and trust. A subtle approach to coax Regina to divulge any feelings she had for Emma was needed.

His resolve broke when he arrived home and found Regina asleep in their bed, wearing glasses that sat crooked with an open book and her dead cell phone in her hands. She had tried to wait up for him; she had waited for his call. After he quietly got ready for bed, he gently removed Regina's unneeded possessions before turning off the sidelight. Robin paused long enough for his eyes to adjust to the darkened room so he could memorize Regina's sleeping form as the moonlight softly highlighted her beauty. Her glossy dark hair, her soft lips, her cheekbones, chin, arms, hands. Everything. A tear fell from his right eye as accepted that this might be the last time he would see his Regina this way. He shuffled to his side of the bed, carefully got under the covers and instinctively went to hold the brunette. He stopped himself, conscious of the fact that touching her might no longer be appropriate. That night he faced the wall and eventually fell asleep terrified of what the next day would bring.

The morning progressed as Robin had suspected it would. Regina was attentive to the children but not to him. When asked about his whereabouts the previous evening, he had sidestepped the question easily without a lie, for he hadn't been pressed for specific details. Their conversation was stifled and disjointed, full of small-talk questions and one-word answers. It hadn't been like this before Regina had gone to Portland to get Emma out of jail. Something had happened during the blonde's stay. His mind still wouldn't let him contemplate that Regina had been physically unfaithful, instead only her soul had shifted. He saw a struggle in her movements, as though she was weighed down. He could only presume that Regina had come to the same conclusion he had. Emma Swan had Regina Mills' heart.

Robin knew he didn't have the interrogation or manipulation skills required to elicit information covertly. However, he hoped that by scrutinizing Regina when he dropped Emma's name into the conversation he would find some evidence to point him in the direction of truth. When Robin did casually mention Emma, he didn't need to be on high alert to notice the way Regina's lips curled into a smile, the way life entered her eyes, the way the tone in her voice changed. Now feeling vindicated that his deductions of the previous day had been on point, Robin went further and tried to deduce what he could about Emma's romantic interest status by asking about Lynsey. Regina's dismissive neutral answer spoke of how she understood that the relationship was nearing its final natural end without indicating any personal stake in its termination. This convinced Robin that the women hadn't talked about their feelings, let alone acted on them. As he suspected and now concluded, Regina was still in the phase of contemplating what she wanted.

By the late afternoon, Robin had developed a plan that he'd set in motion, initially feeling confident that it would work, and its outcome would be best for everyone. He could only hope he would find acceptance before it was enacted. Doubt, however, entered his mind, which caused him to anxiously pace around the bar afterward. He hadn't fully considered Emma in this equation, other than it was possible she too was in love and would soon be romantically unattached. He barely knew the blonde on a personal level though, and he was making far too many assumptions as to her desires. The notion of interfering was unsettling him, he felt he'd overstepped and now lacked the conviction that he should follow through with his intended actions. In fact, he now believed it was inappropriate to do anything other than have a conversation with Regina. If his suspicions were correct though, his plan could heal a lot of wounds.

Ultimately, he needed external validation that Regina and Emma's mutual love wasn't all in his mind and encouragement that action on his part was merited and fitting. He knew there was only one other person who would have insight into Regina's desires and possibly Emma's too, Henry. Thus, when Robin found him alone that evening, he found the courage to ascertain if he knew anything of his adoptive mother's wishes.

"Henry," Robin said tentatively before sitting next to him at the dining table.

"What's up?" Henry asked, pleased that he was getting a legitimate distraction from his math homework.

"Your mother. Have you sensed that there is something she's keeping a secret?" Immediately Henry's mind went to his birth mother and the bombshell he had elicited from her only a few days previously. His pulse started to race, despite trying to keep calm and not divulge that he harbored something which could be revealed.

"Well, she seems like there is something on her mind," Henry offered as he coyly tried to decipher what information Robin already possessed. On reflection, he had found Emma's infatuation hideously apparent, and he wondered if during Emma's stay Robin had realized the same. If he had, it made complete sense to Henry that he would approach him in this manner to discuss the subject.

"Do you think she's unhappy?" Robin's soft, yet blunt tone momentarily confused Henry, for he could sense the pain that accompanied the words. However, he reasoned that if Robin knew of Emma's feelings towards Regina, it would place him in an awkward position and that would explain his tone. Additionally, as the pair never engaged in thoughtful conversations, the question itself increased the uneasiness the teenager felt.

After a reflective pause, Henry finally iterated, "I think, there are certain things that could make her happier. I think though, that would apply to all of us."

"Ever the diplomat. You are definitely your mother's son," Robin said wryly as he looked into Henry's twinkling eyes, admiring how the young man had thus far expertly navigated the conversation with ease. Henry smiled back before turning his attention toward his homework hoping that this delicate discussion would now end. He had no desire to confirm that his blonde mother possessed feelings for his Robin's fiancée. It was Emma's burden to reveal and he respected that.

Robin relaxed back in his seat, played with his stubble, and searched for another tactic to at least cryptically talk about the appropriateness of his plan. He suddenly realized that Henry was being ambiguous for a reason, that he must have the information he needed. It was this intense deliberation that equated to staring that Henry felt drilling into his skull. His homework was no longer something he could fake paying attention to. The tension was straining every fiber of his being.

"Is there something specific you have noticed?" Henry's delivery was worthy of Academy recognition, based on the cold, emotionless nature of his query. Initially, he thought Robin hadn't heard him, given the length of consideration the man utilized before delivering his perfectly structured and articulated response.

"I sense that she might not be with the person she wants."

"Oh. I see," Henry stuttered, panic rising within him once again. This was most definitely not a conversation he wanted to have. He wouldn't betray Emma by talking about her to the man who was engaged to the woman she loves. Resolutely, he added, "Well, I won't discuss my mother's love life. It's not my place." Robin, of course, took this to mean that Henry knew of something Regina was keeping from him. Otherwise, there was no reason for him to be evasive.

"Okay, so say, hypothetically, you knew someone was not with the person they wanted, would you do something about it?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm considering if I should meddle."

"Meddle?" Henry's mind was racing. Why would Robin possibly want to bring to light Emma's love for Regina? To force his mom to choose and make Emma realize it was never going to happen? Emma, though, already thought this; that there was nothing to be accomplished by making Regina aware of her misplaced feelings. Or, Henry wondered, maybe Robin didn't know who Emma wanted and was misinterpreting the situation. He, therefore, decided to play along, continuing to play as ignorant as possible, to ascertain what Robin was concocting so that he could limit the pain that would be inflicted on his parents.

"Yes. All hypothetical of course."

"Naturally."

"Would it be wrong to interfere?" Robin asked cautiously.

Henry carefully replied, "I think it depends on the situation and who might get hurt along the way." Henry internally admitted that he had been asking himself precisely this question since that day in Emma's bug and was still debating if he should get involved.

"I see. Well, say, again hypothetically, that the one who would ultimately get hurt was fine with it, or I would say accepts it," Robin proffered, "Would it be appropriate to instigate something under those circumstances?"

Henry replied slowly, each word deliberate, in the hope it would camouflage the acute confusion he felt at the words Robin had just uttered. "Well, in that case, I would say, that it was perhaps their place to say something, rather than a third party. Meddling to instigate action can be a good thing in some circumstances, but catastrophic in others."

Henry was pleased Robin seemed to enter another long contemplative phase, for he used the same pause in their conversation to wonder if Robin was saying that he was willing to let Emma express her love for Regina, even if it might lead to Regina reciprocating Emma's advances and him being the scorned party. This didn't seem plausible. Therefore, he must be misinterpreting the man's intentions. This was some sort of perverse trick Robin was concocting to cause a rift between his mothers. Which meant he felt threatened. He could only feel vulnerable though if he sensed there was something to be intimidated by. He was threatened by Emma.

"Hmm. Well, if they were to say something, how would that go?" Robin asked, ending Henry's cascading thoughts.

"I really can't say. I would speculate that this, hypothetical person, would want to make their own decisions, and quite possibly they already have."

"They have? Hmm, I suppose that's true. I'm not sure they are happy with their decision though, but rather have accepted fate." Robin's face contorted as he spoke, working through the problem aloud rather than the internal monologue he had been confining himself to. Anger rose within him again that a spell had brought suffering. All magic comes with a price. He just didn't accept yet that he had to pay it.

"So, if it weren't for fate they may have made a different decision?" This was precisely Emma's sentiments. Fate, destiny, whatever you wanted to refer to True Love's connection as, was the reason she wouldn't take a chance on Regina. If Robin is questioning the bond he has with his adoptive mother though, was there then hope? Was there a path to his mothers being together that Robin has seen?

"Well, I don't really know. I'm afraid to ask," Robin admitted quietly, staring at a pencil on the table. Such was his emotional distress, he did not realize that his innermost thoughts were unraveling in real-time in front of the teenage boy that he'd already thought of as his step-son. Henry studied his expression, mannerisms, and reevaluated the conversation. It suddenly became apparent that this entire time Robin had been discussing his fiancée, not the firefighting blonde. He tried hard to not show the excitement that was building within him.

"Oh," Henry said, trying to keep his tone and volume equivalent to rest of this exchange to hide that he had suddenly understood who the players were in his hypothetical tale. "Well, as I said, I don't gossip. But I would suggest maybe having a conversation or two. Just, make sure they are carefully worded." Before Robin could respond, they heard the front door close, and Regina's heels click along the floor, ending this discussion with immediate effect. Henry saw the panic mount in Robin's eyes and felt increasingly confident that he had cracked Robin's code.

"This was a private, hypothetical conversation, that will never be discussed, correct?" Robin was begging, rather than asking.

"Of course. I stand by my advice though. Conversation is the key to the dilution of confusion." Henry returned his focus on his homework so he could hide his smile and the glint of optimism in his eyes as he heard Robin rise from the table.

* * *

Once Regina was out of the metropolitan area of Portland, she exited the highway and began to meander through the backroads that would eventually bring her to Storybrooke. She hoped that the extended drive would give her mind time to reset and cease her endless thoughts about the person she had just left. Their goodbye had been tense, the air thick with an uncomfortableness that felt like they were opposites being repelled. Emma had offered her a coffee in return for the transportation home, but Regina had refused. Lingering and leaving were painful in equal measure. The latter at least minimized the length of suffering.

The twists and turns of the road matched the turbulent nature of her thoughts, which presented themselves as a minefield of contradictory conclusions and images. She was sabotaging her happiness with Robin. Emma, her, and Henry would make a perfect family, brought together by fate. Robin, Roland, Zelena, and her daughter, was an alternative family that she could thrive in. Emma made her feel alive and safe. Robin was destined to be her happy ending. Emma being consumed by the vortex of evil for her happiness. The Valentine's night that fused Emma and Robin together in one memory. Quickly, Regina felt overwhelmed and needed to pull over to a gas station to catch her breath.

She gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles turning white, as she tried to take deep breaths to prevent herself from hyperventilating. Nothing worked to this end until a single unified thought persisted in her mind. The thought that one day she would ask Emma to marry her and the answer would be yes. More visions of their lives together quickly cascaded from their wedding, to their Sunday mornings in bed, to the sunrises they would experience together, to the trips they'd take to see the world. Regina relaxed and chuckled as she realized that once again Emma had been there to help her through a crisis. What she felt toward the blonde wasn't simple physical urges, or a diversion created to disrupt her happiness with Robin. Her emotions were legitimate, intense, and would never diminish with the passing of time.

The warmth and serenity these images provided were quickly consumed by anger that she had let herself exist in denial. She'd allowed her judgment to be clouded by magic, by the sacrifice people, especially Emma, had made for her and Robin to be a reality. In all that confusion, she hadn't listened to her inner voice, her heart, her soul, her mind. She felt as though she had betrayed herself and as collateral damage, Robin, Roland, Henry, and she hoped, Emma too.

With resounding clarity, Regina concluded she couldn't marry Robin irrespective of whether Emma would ever reciprocate her feelings. She'd been a wife of convenience before and she wouldn't do it again, regardless of the circumstances. Promptly, she deconstructed that Robin and Emma were separate problems and understood wholeheartedly that it was more likely she would end up alone than in the arms of someone that loved her as much as she did them. Emma's answer to a future question had no bearing on Regina imminently ending her relationship with her fiancé.

Regina was now focused on how to tell Robin that he no longer had her heart, that their souls were no longer intertwined the way they had once been. She also considered how the breakup would affect Roland, who had already suffered so much in his young life. Explaining to him that he was losing another mother figure was something she felt guiltier about than anything else. Regina promised herself to sleep on it, as she placed her car back into drive, and exist in this life for another day in order to be confident that leaving Robin was following the path that she wanted.

Feeling increasingly at peace as she fixated on her life post-Robin, Regina drove directly back to Storybrooke with the window down, letting the crisp autumn air wash over her. She felt liberated that she finally had the courage to walk away from something that felt wrong, even if everything in the universe said it was right. That ultimately, she now loved herself to enough walk away from him.

Regina autonomously went through the motions for the rest of her day, collecting Roland from school, making dinner for the family, performing chores. She'd barely thought of Robin, other than a quick text exchange about the location of his children. Conversely, thoughts of Emma could not be silenced, as Regina's senses were continually being stimulated to bring the blonde to the forefront of her consciousness. Emma's coffee cup in the sink, the sheets that Regina breathed in before placing them in the washer, and a jingle that announced an incoming text message from Portland. When their shared son came home, Regina looked at him differently and realized that for all these years, Emma, in a way, had always been with her.

That night, Regina had gone to bed early, assuming Robin was working late getting things ready for the launch of their bar, The Purple Arrow. Even though she was trying to read a book to help the last few hours of the day pass quickly, her plan was thwarted by the ringing of her phone. Smiling, Regina answered Emma's call, and they talked for hours. Emma had ended things with Lynsey and wisely chose to discuss her evening instead of erasing it and being unfit for work the next day by going to the bar. Regina listened as Emma fluctuated between crying and laughing, sometimes within the same sentence. Emma spoke in a nonsensical manner of how she needed to accept the things she cannot change. The entire exchange confused Regina, for she didn't follow most of Emma's ramblings about unrelated topics. Emma would switch her tirade rapidly between her job and the girl that died, to Henry, then to how she hadn't bought cereal, until being arrested lead to incomprehensible words being expressed. Regina hated that she wasn't lying next to her so she could hold and comfort Emma to help minimize the torment her demons inflicted.

As the hour grew late, Regina heard the weariness in Emma's voice dominate her diction and knew the blonde had to sleep so she'd be energized for her shift in the morning. Teasingly, Emma had requested that Regina tell her a bedtime story and as her imagination currently fixated on a love story about a brunette and blonde that shared a son, Regina grabbed the previously disregarded novel and started to read. In the morning she wouldn't be able to pinpoint when the call had ended, or who had fallen asleep first. What was definitive, was that the previous night she had dreamt of her and Emma, together.

By morning the strain was back in Regina's heart. She had awoken to find Robin next to her, yet he was lying so far to his side of the bed that she wasn't sure how the mattress was still supporting his weight. She didn't object though and rose quickly to begin the morning routine. If last night had been a sign, it was a damn clear one. She wanted to spend all her nights with Emma. Her nights, her days, her afternoons, her evenings. All the sunsets and sunrises. Everything. Every moment. Tonight, she determined, when they had uninterrupted time alone, was when her romantic relationship with Robin would end.

Regina found getting through breakfast with Robin to be a painful experience because she knew that night she would break his heart. She overthought every action she performed and every word she uttered. It created an awkward, tense, and stifled atmosphere that was foreign in their relationship until now. She noted that Robin too seemed distracted and disconnected. However, she attributed this as another of her manifestations and disregarded it immediately, for, in a few hours, it would not matter. Despite her attempts to conceal her innermost thoughts, Regina knew she had struggled to contain a broad smile when Robin had mentioned Emma's name. She'd purposefully been trying to think of anything but Emma and live in the present moment. This, however, proved to be impossible.

Work had been a nonexistent affair as Regina paced her office practicing the words she would use to explain how her decision to marry Robin had changed. An extensive, articulate narrative could never be reproduced to the point where it could be rehearsed as she couldn't calculate how Robin would react. What brought her more confidence was that with every iteration, the more convinced Regina became that not marrying Robin was what she wanted.

* * *

On a typical weeknight, Regina would be close down the house and retire for the evening after Henry had said his goodnights. This night, though, this night she gulped a large glass of wine in the kitchen for courage before walking the few steps to the living room, where Robin was sitting reading by the fire. Their evening had been jittery, having only exchanged a few words. She almost felt like she was intruding on his personal space, even though the house was hers.

"Henry asleep?" Robin asked when he saw Regina linger by the door.

"Well, he went to bed," Regina replied as she fully entered the room and closed the door behind her.

"Good, I want to talk about something," Robin began.

"No, I need to say something. I think we should sit," Regina suggested already making her way to the sofa, refusing to make eye contact.

"I think I know what you are going to say-" Robin gently said as he sat next to her and clasped her right hand in his.

"Please. Let me speak." Regina was starting to tremble. She could feel her heart pounding, and sense her breathing rate increase. "I'm going to be blunt." Regina took a deep breath, for she knew the next sentence she articulated would crush the man before her. A man she cared deeply for but was certain she was no longer in love with. "I can't be with you. I can't marry you."

"Because of Emma?" He asked without a beat. He'd prepared for it, he'd rehearsed his response.

"What?" Regina asked confused, feeling tears prickle behind her eyes.

"Are you in love with Emma?" Regina was shocked at Robin's calm state and soft, tender tone. She'd expected resistance. A trip down memory lane, a speech about how it was pre-wedding nerves. She wasn't prepared for a line of questioning about the woman she was now seeing as more than a friend. "I noticed something the other day, and I began to wonder if you had feelings for her," Robin offered as an explanation.

"Are you asking if Emma and I-"

"No. I'm not," Robin stated quickly. "I don't think for a second that you would be unfaithful. I'm just asking if you consider Emma to be the reason you can't be with me?"

"No. I can't be with you because I don't feel what I used to." Robin shifted slightly from Regina's body and relinquished her hand, instinctively needing a fraction of space.

"Did I do something wrong? I thought we worked through our problems?" Robin asked, suddenly overcome with the searing pain of rejection. He took little comfort in seeing the anguish it was causing Regina to break his heart.

"No. You've been here. You've been attentive. You make me feel special; like I am your world. You've been working hard to build this perfect, stable future for us."

"Then?" Robin was struggling to comprehend where he had gone wrong in the relationship. He would prefer that Regina had fallen for another rather than he simply hadn't been good enough.

"My heart isn't here," Regina confessed. Robin's exterior resolve for accepting this truth was breaking with each passing second. He stood and started to pace while he ran his hand through his hair. He thought he was ready, that he wouldn't feel this intense crushing pain in his heart. Meanwhile, Regina stared at her hands, unaware of how she should act in this situation as she hadn't previously been in a romantic relationship that hadn't ended in death. It was unsettling, and she didn't know what to do with the awkwardness that lingered between them. Part of her wanted to leave and go to bed, another part thought it was best she waited until Robin had said his piece.

Robin's movements ceased, and Regina saw his contorted expression as he asked, "You've struggled with this for a long time, haven't you? You were researching True Love because you didn't believe we shared it anymore."

"I've been confused for a long time," Regina said quietly. "I didn't understand how I couldn't be completely content and at peace with what Pixie Dust called 'my happy ending'. I thought I was sabotaging my happiness. That I didn't deserve a happy ending when Emma hadn't found hers. She's not even close to hers."

"You think you can't be happy because Emma isn't and that's why we shouldn't be together?"

"Sometimes I did. Then I'd think that was a disservice to everything Emma sacrificed to give us our chance. Walking away for that reason wouldn't help anyone."

"Then, why now?" Regina searched her mind and heart to try and define what she felt, how it could be verbalized. There were no set of words that held the truth that wouldn't feel like an arrow to the heart.

"I only feel alive when I'm with her."

"Emma," Robin said softly before sitting next to Regina on the couch, clasping her hands in his once again. Regina had admitted what he had suspected and with her honesty, he felt like it was easier to breathe. "You're in love with her?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I feel for Emma. I don't even know if she feels anything other than friendship for me. I just know that I'm not invested in our relationship anymore. I can't be with you when I'm always thinking of her."

"When? When did it become clear to you that she's, she's-"

"These past few days. Before then I could shut it off and refocus on our life. Now though, I can't do much else but think of her."

"Was it ever that way with me?"

"This feels different. Probably because we are friends, we share Henry, we've been through so much together." Robin nodded, appreciating she'd had the decency to not say no. Just like that morning, Regina became increasingly animated the more Emma was discussed. It wasn't that he wasn't good enough for her, they were breaking up because he wasn't Emma.

"I think, Emma feels the same. Outside the bar, I saw a spark between you two."

"This conversation isn't about Emma."

"It sort of is. You're leaving me for her."

"No."

"No?"

"I am not going to act on my feelings for her. Emma has far too much to deal with in her life. I wouldn't want to complicate matters by creating tension between us."

"Did you ever think that maybe Emma is unhappy and unraveling because she feels the same?"

"No. Emma never expressed any interest when we were both single."

"Neither did you." For the first time in days, Robin smiled, feeling joy in seeing hope shape Regina's expression.

"I need to give it time. I need to get over you. To let everything settle so I can be sure that I'm not inventing my feelings toward her. I also cannot put the pressure of 'I left you for her' on any future relationship we may have. She doesn't need that."

"Just promise me that when you're sure, you'll take the chance."

"Why are you so calm and supportive? This isn't how I imagined this would go." Regina shook her head and chuckled slightly as she spoke.

"Because I love you enough to walk away."

The brunette smiled affectionately at the man as she took in the warmth of his eyes. It was genuine. Neither knew what to say. Robin had accepted that he'd lost, that Regina's heart would never belong to him again. Regina meanwhile took a deep breath and felt happier than she had in months. Suddenly her load was lighter, it was easier to inhale, her mind wasn't full of conflicting thoughts. There was no hesitation or doubt that she had done what she needed to. Their tender moment of acceptance was interrupted by the ringing of a phone. Both pairs of eyes went to the origin of the sound, Regina's cell, that lay on the coffee table in front of them.

"Go ahead, answer it," Robin said softly, before standing to give her a little privacy.

"Hello? This is she." Robin noticed the quiver in Regina's voice as she spoke and the horror that overcame her expression. "Yes." Her voice was even quieter, and fear could now be seen in her eyes. "Is she okay?" Her diction was affected and lacked clarity as Regina's words wavered with her latest question. "I'll be right there." The way Regina stared at the phone, started to shake, and gasped for air once the call ended meant there was only one possible person Regina had been discussing.

"Emma?" Robin asked gently for clarification. Regina nodded. "She's hurt?"

"Yes. That, that was the hospital in Portland. I'm her emergency contact, but they wouldn't tell me anything. She must be hurt bad enough that she couldn't stop them calling me." Regina's shaking intensified as she tried to process how she would deal with the worst-case scenario. Why had she let so much time pass without being honest about her feelings? What if she never got the chance to express them?

Robin crouched in front of Regina, clasped her clammy hands in his and softly said, "I'll get Henry from his room and let him know what is happening. I'm driving. No arguments." Robin waited for a rebuttal, but Regina remained destroyed in her thoughts. In an attempt to understand exactly the situation they were dealing with, he asked, "Was she working today?"

"Yes," Regina whispered, unable to prevent her mind from picturing Emma injured or dead lying amongst rubble and smoke.

"Do you have Ryan or Lynsey's number?" He asked, hoping the more information they received, the better the situation would become and with it reduce the pain Regina would feel.

"I don't have them. I should have them." Regina was still trembling with tears cascading down her cheeks, still unable to move or bring herself to accept that they were dealing with anything but the worst possible news. It was clear to Robin that she was in shock. Never again would there be a doubt in his mind who Regina loved most. He could only hope that he would feel the heartache of seeing her and Emma together.

"Okay, it's okay. I'll call the firehouse on the way. See if there is anything they can tell us," he said as he rose to get her son, placing a tender kiss on the top of her head. "I'll call Zelena and get her to take Roland." Regina nodded her approval at the plan as she took deep breaths to compose herself, so she could convince Henry his mother would be fine. "Should I call her parents?"

"No. The rule is I go there first. Assess the situation."

"She'll be alright," Robin soothed, attempting to use words to give her the comfort she needed.

"You don't know that," Regina said with a trace of anger as she shook her head.

"You're right, I don't. But I believe it." He watched as Regina wiped away her fresh tears and shook her head as if to clear her mind.

"I can't. I can't live without her."

"I know." They looked at each other for several seconds, silently acknowledging those were the sincerest words Regina had ever spoken.


	10. The End of the Beginning

Lynsey's heavy feverish footsteps echoed in the hospital hallway before ceasing when she clumsily clattered into the waiting room door, announcing her arrival to the occupants. Her breathlessness meant she needed a few seconds to recover from her ordeal and in that time, she noticed how no one looked at her, spoke, or seemed to change focus from whatever they were mentally processing prior to her arrival.

As though she were assessing a scene, Lynsey quickly took in that Robin and Ryan were standing alone on opposite walls staring at the floor, while Henry and Regina sat next to one another with Emma's helmet between them. The teenager was tracing the large crack in it with his fingers, whereas Regina gripped the rim as tears continuously fell from her reddened eyes.

Lynsey approached Ryan and began her forceful interrogation at a low volume, "Do we know anything more?"

"No. They're still assessing if she has a brain bleed or a skull fracture," Ryan replied solemnly, trying to be equally quiet as to not bring further pain to Emma's family who was struggling to play this waiting game. He used a gentle flick of his head in their direction to help Lynsey understand his tactic.

"You were vague on the phone, so be blunt. How bad is it?" Lynsey pressed as she tried to read what every line of worry on Ryan's face meant. "Was she seizing? Vomiting? Conscious?" Lynsey couldn't resist entering trainee-paramedic mode. She needed facts and details not a broad view of the situation.

"She was stable and started to come around when we pulled up, but she was agitated and vomiting." Ryan and Lynsey shared a look that conveyed panic, regret, and a series of circumstances that didn't end well. "Her vitals were stable."

"Okay, that's encouraging," Lynsey said as she finally calmed enough to take a deep breath. "How long has it been since someone talked to you?"

"About twenty minutes," Robin answered, pushing himself off the wall to move toward them.

"I'm going to find someone, see how long it's going to be," Lynsey started to say as she turned to leave. She felt Robin's hand grab her arm.

"They said they'd come and tell us when there was news. Let's leave them to work. You know they will only talk to Regina and Henry anyway. So, why don't you just wait with us?" Robin's tone was soothing but firm. He'd finally managed to calm Regina into patience, and he wouldn't have Lynsey disrupt that. Like Ryan, he used a slight tilt of his head toward mother and son to convey precisely this point.

Lynsey studied the teenager whose attention hadn't shifted from feeling every indentation on Emma's battered helmet. She wondered briefly how exactly he came to possess it. However, that was short-lived as she studied Regina. Everything she knew about this woman created a picture that she wasn't the 'sit quietly and wait' type. From the way Emma described her and from every interaction they had, Lynsey assumed Regina was not a person to cross or get in the way of. Regina's tears were still falling at a consistent rate, her stare indicating her mind wasn't in this room. It was with Emma. The grip of the helmet was her way of connecting with the blonde.

Feeling overwhelmed by their appearance, Lynsey turned to Ryan and asked, "What happened exactly? You said construction material landed on her head?"

"Yeah," Ryan said quietly, unable to prevent his mind from recalling the sounds of metal cracking Emma's helmet and seeing her eerily still body lying next to him.

"She was a hero," Henry stated quietly, his voice cracking.

"She's my hero," Ryan corrected with a definite tone. "We were at a building site, simple rescue situation. Some teenagers had broken into it, to look at some city lights while they drank their beer. They were messing around, climbing the beams, and one of the lads fell a few flights. He was lucky not to be severely hurt.

"We were getting him ready for medical transport when I heard a rumble from above and them screaming. I froze. Emma didn't, and she pushed me out of the way of a girder and some scaffolding. It would have crushed me. Something cracked her helmet, though. I heard it. It was probably the edge of the beam, as you can see." For effect, Henry caressed the large crack once more. It made Lynsey wince. She knew precisely the force it would take to cause that damage and it terrified her.

"Did she suffer any other injuries?"

"Nothing significant that we could appreciate. I would anticipate some bruising and soreness from the scaffolding hitting her upper body and arms," Ryan added trying to recreate the scene.

"So, she wasn't reckless," Lynsey stated with relief traced in her voice as she sat down. She felt Regina's glare before she witnessed it. "Emma's been through a lot recently. I wasn't sure how her mood would be today."

"We spoke last night. She was upset about hurting you for so long, but she wasn't looking to punish herself over it. She's spoken of how you both understood she wasn't in love with you for a long time." Regina hadn't meant for her words to be hurtful or territorial. Truthfully, she'd been thinking the same thing on the illegally fast drive to Portland. That Emma had too many things on her mind, she hadn't been focused and had unintentionally put herself in harm's way. She felt relief that this had not been the case.

"You guys broke up?" Henry asked trying to fill in the blanks this exchange had left. His stare flickering between the two women expectantly until Lynsey nodded. "For good this time?"

"Yes. But I care deeply for Emma. I'd like to know she's okay," Lynsey replied anxiously.

"I wasn't kicking you out. Ma likes you. You've helped her a lot. I just didn't realize she was ready to let you go." Henry's words made everyone stare at him, and that desire only intensified when he gave a little shrug and smirk before he lowered his eyeline back to fingers which were now drumming on the helmet's surface.

"You talked to Emma? About her feelings?" Regina solicited quietly, though still at a volume that filled the eerily quiet room.

"Yeah, the other day. We talked about why she was destroying herself." Henry cringed after he spoke. He knew instantly that he'd said too much. That it was going to lead to questions he was going to have to evade.

"Did she tell you the truth?" Lynsey asked, shocked. Ryan meanwhile was mesmerized by this insight into Emma's life. She hadn't talked to him about any of this, and he felt he had been inserted into a soap-opera.

"Yes. And what Ma said is private." Henry had never sounded more authoritative. He hoped it had been enough to correct his previous statement. When no one pressed for further information, he took a deep breath and silently asked his ma for forgiveness for almost divulging her biggest secret.

Robin had watched this exchange and felt stupid when he realized that of course there was another person who knew Emma intimately that may know how she felt about the woman he loved. If anything, her incredulous response to Henry only added to his new-found certainty that Lynsey held all the answers. Even if the root of Emma's issues weren't a blocked path to her and Regina's souls connecting, Lynsey minimally knew what Emma's problems were, as did Henry. If there was anything he could do to help Emma, he wanted to do it. For he knew that would be equivalent to easing Regina's suffering.

"Lynsey, would you mind helping me get some coffees for everyone?" Robin inquired masterfully while feigning a stifled yawn.

"Sure," Lynsey said while shaking her head slightly. She was pleased for the reprieve from this overly emotionally charged room. She liked that Regina had been there for Emma the previous evening when the heartache she felt from Emma definitively ending their relationship had been much for her to stay with her. However, she also detested the unintentional pull Regina had over Emma, how much pain their distance and inability to connect had caused her ex-lover. She glanced again at the way Regina held a little of the helmet before turning to leave. It might not be romantic in nature, but it was clear to Lynsey now that Regina was in love with Emma.

She followed Robin down the hall to the vending machine and fished some bills out of her pocket. She had no idea how to chit chat with this man. She'd only met him a handful of times and had established they had little in common. Therefore, she was glad of his opening question.

"May I be blunt?" Robin said frankly.

"You don't think I should be here?" Lynsey said with an air of resignation.

"Oh, no. I was under the impression that you and Emma are close friends even if your romantic journey has come to an end."

"I think that's accurate. If the roles were reversed, Emma would be here for me, and I'd want her to be."

"Well, that's settled then." Lynsey smiled gratefully at the acceptance of her presence and started funneling money into the machine. "It's Regina I want to discuss."

Lynsey used selecting black coffee from the vending machine options as her mechanism to not show her hand as she replied, "Regina? Oh, um, what about her?" She'd wondered what had happened during Emma's last visit to their home as the blonde was adamant there would be no relapses in their complicated entanglement this time. Anxiously, she hoped Robin would enlighten her, and found the sounds of the coffee being pushed into the plastic cup were excessively loud as she waited for Robin to form a reply.

"She's in love with Emma and I was wondering if Emma felt the same?" Lynsey didn't need to verbally answer as the coffee being released for her hand and smashing to the ground was indicative enough to the affirmative.

"Aren't you both engaged?" Lynsey's voice stammered as her mind raced trying to piece all of this together. Emma hadn't spoken of this development, and she was immediately hurt that Emma wouldn't have told her this. Of all the reasons to instigate their relationship's end, finally being with Regina would be one she could actually get excited about.

"Not as of, oh, about two hours ago," Robin replied in a slightly comical tone to hide his anguish. "We were discussing the termination of our proposed life together when Regina got the call to come here."

"And she actually said this? Regina used the words 'I love Emma'?"

"Well? I don't exactly recall, but she didn't deny it. She did hint she would act on her romantic tendencies once Emma was feeling more like herself. That was before this, of course. So? Did Emma ever express feelings about Regina to you?"

"Only on days ending in 'y'. Emma's ridiculously in love with her. I was trying to help her fall out of love with her and in love with me. A futile task I admit. We both were well aware of the situation. Emma, though, she was different last night. She said it was time she stopped hurting people, including herself, and move on. Do you think the two of them connected while Emma was staying with you?"

"No, I'm confident they weren't unfaithful. I think though, spending that time together made them realize and accept their feelings, or I suppose in Emma's case, demonstrated that her current tactics weren't working."

"Keep getting coffees, I'll clean this up," Lynsey instructed as she took a moment to process what she had learned and revealed. It had been her and Emma's secret for nearly a year, and now in a matter of hours, it had become common knowledge what drove Emma Swan to muddle through another day; the powerful image Emma's mind had constructed that one day she'd wake and find her wife, Regina, sleeping next to her. As the coffee seeped into the paper towels off the tiled floor, Lynsey found comfort in the thought that Emma was closer than ever before to this becoming reality.

She silenced the pessimism that hinted tonight could end as a cruel twist of fate by focusing on the man beside her and looked at him curiously. If he was being forthright, she concluded she could be too. "Did you know before tonight that Regina felt this way? It's just, from what I saw, you two, you seemed like the perfect couple."

"Thank you. I think for a while we were. I believe that in a different time and place we would've lived out our happy ending. But did I know? No. Not until a few days ago and I suspected that they were in love. I was blind to it before then."

"And then Regina left you for Emma?" Lynsey asked trying to clarify the precise sequence of events.

"Regina made it clear she didn't know how Emma felt and wanted to take any developments with her slowly to reduce the pressure on any future romantic relationship they may have."

"Regina won't have a choice in that. As soon as Emma knows this, she's going to jump the Mayor."

"There's no need to be crass."

"I don't think it's crass if it's an accurate description." They shared a light chuckle as they each imagined similar scenarios of how the passion Emma and Regina shared might be expressed.

They both then saw a doctor enter the waiting room and wordlessly ventured back toward it, each holding their breath that what was being conveyed behind the closed door was good news. When they peered in through the window, both felt glee as they saw relief wash over Regina, Henry, and Ryan.

"I'm going to take that as good news," Lynsey said, her smile beaming.

"Indeed. Look at their expressions. That is unequivocal joy," Robin said affectionately. They continued to observe from the hallway as Regina hugged the doctor, her son, and even Ryan. She turned and saw them looking in and gave a broad smile to Robin and Lynsey along with a confident nod. They could see that tears were still falling down her cheeks, now thought they were being produced by happiness.

"I see what you see. That bond isn't friendship. That's familial," Lynsey proclaimed defiantly. She didn't believe Regina could love Emma equally, but everything she was witnessing eradicated that doubt. "You're a good man, Robin. But you must feel what I do. Seeing the person you love with someone else, no matter how happy they are, it's agonizing. It's devastating. To know I won't get to hold her again. That I'm not the one she'll be looking for in a crowded room. That I have to let our love wither and die so theirs can grow and thrive."

"I concur with those sentiments exactly. Overwhelmingly though, I'm just glad that getting them together is a something we will have to deal with," Robin said so quietly it was almost a whisper.

* * *

Henry followed his mother quietly into Emma's hospital room, purposefully a few steps behind so he could observe her interaction with the sleeping blonde. He barely took in the injured firefighter's appearance because Regina looked more broken than the patient they were visiting.

Regina moved cautiously like she was seeing Emma for the first time, and although the tears had subsided previously, they were once again falling freely from brunette's eyes. Henry watched with a heavy heart as they dropped onto Emma's forehead when Regina leaned in to gently place a kiss there. Delicately, Regina lifted the blonde's hand into hers and slowly started to rub the pad of her thumb across the back of it.

"She's going to be fine, Mom. You heard the doctor. It's a few bruises and a bad concussion," Henry whispered as he tried to soothe his mother when he appreciated Regina's bottom lip was trembling. The look she gave him in response expressed any injury to Emma was unacceptable. "I just mean, it could be worse."

"Yes. We're fortunate Emma isn't badly hurt," Regina eventually conceded, equaling her son's hushed tone, before shifting her eyes to scrutinize Emma's features for any sign of discomfort.

"Why don't you sit down, Mom?" Henry asked, feeling uneasy at the way Regina was leaning over and staring at Emma's sleeping form.

"They said we could only visit for a few minutes. She needs rest. If I sit down, I'll never leave." Henry shook his head at the obviousness of Regina's love before he too kissed his mother's forehead and gave her other hand a light squeeze.

"I love you, Ma," he said quietly, not wanting to disturb Emma from her drug-addled slumber while still wanting to let her know he was there. It was during these quiet minutes that he studied her face. He didn't see any cuts or bruising. It was as though his ma was just sleeping. He felt awkward and not sure what to do with himself as he scanned the monitors and the dim room for something his mind could latch onto as a distraction from revealing Emma's unspoken love. Regina's reaction was not one of friendship. It was tender. Loving. Exactly how he would picture Regina being if she reciprocated Emma's adoration.

"She'll be okay, Henry. I promise," Regina said, misreading his contorted expression as one of worry. "There's no skull fracture, intracranial bleeding, or swelling. Her shoulder is badly bruised, and it will hurt for a while-"

"Stop, and be honest with me," Henry asserted having decided he couldn't take this emotionally charged situation any longer without clarity, "You're in love with Ma, aren't you?"

Regina stared blankly at her son and then quickly at Emma to make sure she was asleep and wouldn't hear her reply. She nodded her acceptance of the truth before confidently uttering, "Yes, I think I am."

"And, would I be right in my deduction that you were breaking things off with Robin tonight?"

"Yes. I can't marry him when I'm always thinking of someone else. It doesn't matter how she feels about me."

"Ma loves you," Henry said flatly.

"Are you certain?" Regina asked trepidatiously, struggling to believe it could be true. Emma had become a bystander in this conversation, even though it was over her body and about her soul.

"Yes. This is what we talked about a few days ago! Ma said she wouldn't say anything because it would ruin your happy ending and make things awkward." Henry's excitement had resulted in his words being delivered with increased volume, loud enough that it made Emma stir slightly.

"You're okay, Emma," Regina said softly as she began rubbing her hand once more, an action that she had unconsciously ceased as her attention was absorbed by Henry's hopeful words. Emma's head turned a few degrees in Regina's direction before she returned to her still, quiet state.

Henry and Regina continued to stare at Emma as she slept. Both of their minds were processing what it would be like if Emma and Regina were a couple and, with it, them all as a family. It was a happiness that was so rare it almost felt foreign. Their minds were racing with questions they wanted to ask each other but remained silent to not disturb Emma from her recuperation. A nurse eventually came and broke their daydreams by stating they had to say their goodbyes, that they could visit in the morning.

"I love you, Ma," Henry said. "Sleep well. Dream about Mom. Then you really can get the girl of your dreams." He didn't stay to watch as Regina said good night. He knew it would be delicate. He knew Regina would stare. He knew it was private.

"Yes, sweet dreams, Emma. I'll see you in the morning. Sounds like we have a lot to talk about," Regina whimpered. She was feeling such an array of emotions that she couldn't express them in just a few words. She forced herself to relinquish Emma's hand and take the few steps to leave her behind. More than ever, Regina wanted to hold Emma and let their embrace heal each other.

* * *

Emma woke groggily for the third time that morning, taking nearly a minute to remember that she was in the hospital and that she would be fine with rest. As she became more aware of her surroundings, she realized her hand was being held and soothed by a delicate circular rubbing motion, and instinctively she turned her head to locate it. A tired but a stunningly beautiful smiling brunette greeted her, and she couldn't help but warmly smile back.

"Hi," Regina said softly once she sensed Emma had had enough time to bring herself out from her slumber into the present.

"Hey," Emma said, squinting in discomfort.

"Here," Regina said as she gave Emma a cup of water, complete with a straw. Emma's coordination hadn't quite recovered and as such, Regina didn't let go of the vessel while Emma gripped it. "Drink it slowly," Regina instinctively instructed. Emma found herself unable to look at the woman as her mind raced with how wonderful it felt that Regina came, that she was here, that she hadn't slept with worry.

"Sorry," Emma said as she let go of the cup, "For getting hurt," she clarified once she saw Regina's confused look.

"Well, I assume you didn't do it on purpose, so there's no need to apologize," Regina threw back. She studied Emma's slightly dazed eyes and wondered, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I feel awake this time. Though, I already want to go back to sleep." They shared a light chuckle before Regina felt Emma grip her hand a little tighter. The action solidified belief in what both Robin and Henry had stated. Emma did have feelings for her, and as a consequence, she was allowing herself to be vulnerable around her.

"Good. Let me know if you need anything. I can call for someone." Regina was trying to keep the conversation away from emotional matters, but it created a distance between them that Emma didn't understand.

"Is the Kid here? I feel like I remember talking to him," Emma asked, her voice a little distant as she tried to piece together the events of her morning.

"Yes. We were both here when you woke up last time, but your doctor tired you out checking that your brain was still in there." Emma rolled her eyes at the cheap shot. Regina in turn softened and started to feel relaxed, beginning to act normally toward the blonde. "He's in the cafeteria. With your parents and Robin."

"My parents?"

"I'm afraid so." Regina watched Emma cringe at the thought.

"My mom is going to be insufferable."

"Isn't she always?" Regina smiled warmly at the joke but changed her approach when she saw regret in Emma's eyes. "She controlled her worry appropriately. Don't worry about her, or anything for that matter."

The concept of Snow expressing claustrophobic motherly love by repeatedly asking how she was feeling almost made Emma miss the worry in the tone of Regina's voice. Emma felt overwhelmed at being the cause of such concern and wanted to end this situation for everyone. She took a moment to calculate how she felt and concluded that other than tired and a bit sore she was okay. Undoubtedly, she felt good enough to escape from this bed and being watched like an invalid.

"Did they say when I can leave?"

"This afternoon, if you pass their brain functioning tests and someone is with you at all times."

"Great," Emma said feigning happiness at the thought. Regina understood the blonde's feelings immediately.

"So, where would you like to convalesce and who do you want to look after you?"

"Bed and no one."

"Emma," Regina said seriously. "Your apartment or Storybrooke. Me or your parents?" Regina's tone demonstrated Emma had to pick from these options and they were non-negotiable.

"Small circle to choose from," Emma conceded with a sigh, realizing how tiny her support system had become.

Regina saw the pain it brought the blonde and without thinking where it would lead the conversation, she replied swiftly, "It's bigger than mine. I only have you, and with bribery and a protection spell, perhaps Zelena to nurse me back to health."

"Robin?" Emma asked feeling thoroughly confused.

"We broke up. I left him, last night, before we came here."

"I don't understand." Emma tried to sit up properly, more to enhance her alertness than anything else. It was clear a wave of dizziness overcame the blonde, and she reached for Regina for balance. She felt the brunette's arms around her, guiding her exhausted body back to the support of the mattress and pillows.

"You need to rest Emma. We were lucky you weren't hurt worse, but you were hurt badly. You have no idea what these past few hours have been like, so please just, just-" Regina couldn't prevent the stress-induced tears from being shed or her bottom lip from quivering once again.

Emma lay back and stared at Regina. It hadn't escaped her notice that the word Regina had chosen was 'we'. Regina had left Robin. She was crying over her health. At the thought of losing her. Emma didn't understand. She didn't think this was real. She thought she was hallucinating, that her mind was trapped, that it couldn't process reality. How severely was she injured, was Regina even here? Was she even awake?

"Shh. It's okay. I'm sorry," Regina repeatedly said as she stroked Emma's arm because it didn't seem like the blonde was hearing her words. Emma wasn't aware of it, but she was breathing hard, and tears filled her searching eyes. It induced Regina with acute panic as she had no idea if Emma was emotionally distressed or if this was the beginning of a medical emergency. "Can you hear me, Emma?" She asked for the last time before she'd seek medical assistance.

"Are you real?" Emma stammered after she squeezed Regina's arm and felt it between her fingers.

"Yes. I'm right here. Are you okay? Or is something wrong? Should I get help?" Regina questioned, still alarmed but feeling relieved that Emma was finally calming and communicating.

"I'm fine," Emma stammered. "I didn't mean to. I'm fine. I'm emotional, apparently," Emma quipped trying to cover up her intense outburst. Regina took a deep breath and sat back in her chair, trying to wipe away her tears subtly. She realized that she'd just dropped a bombshell on Emma as if it were a passing, flippant comment. However, her reaction only increased the evidence confirming that Henry had told the truth and Emma now couldn't absorb that they were both single women.

"That's okay, concussions can do that," Regina said dismissively hoping that her nonchalant tone would ease any embarrassment or confusion she felt over the outburst and give Emma back a sense of control in this conversation.

Emma stared wide-eyed at Regina, still disbelieving her declaration. The shock meant she stumbled over her words, "I, what do, you, you mean that you broke up with Robin?"

"Just that." Regina placed her other hand on top of Emma's and took a moment to choose her words carefully. "I'm sorry, Emma. I know how much you sacrificed to give me my happy ending."

"I became the Dark One to save your soul. I would say it was a mission accomplished."

"You aren't angry with me?" Regina was shocked, and her reply didn't hide it.

"I could never be angry with anyone for following their heart. If anything, it's the inverse that I find most painful." Regina studied Emma closely. She couldn't quite accept these were her real feelings unless she was the most compassionate person ever to exist or, as Henry said, she wanted more than friendship. Of course, it was possible both were true.

"I tried, for a long time," Regina admitted quietly. She considered Emma's expectant, yet confused expression and knew she owed it to Emma to elaborate and talk about her decision. "To make Robin and I work."

"I thought you were happy."

"I was, in a way. I liked the picture of it. And I was told he was my happy ending, so I kept trying to make that a reality." Emma was struggling to keep up with these developments. Was it possible that Regina had left Robin because she reciprocated her feelings? Could the care and affection Regina had demonstrated these past few weeks, including this present moment, have been fueled by romantic love? She just had to keep Regina talking so she could piece together any clues she may leave.

"I felt that way with Killian sometimes. He cared about me, I think a little possessively at times, but I didn't notice it until I moved away. Storybrooke, that crazy world, with True Love and fate guiding us, it can be toxic."

"Are you still getting over Hook?" Emma glared blankly at Regina. She hadn't thought of the pirate since she'd visited his grave and she thought she'd made it clear to Regina that he was firmly in her past. "You said that Lynsey was helping you get over someone. At times I think he's just part of your history, others, like now, he seems more present." Regina wasn't trying to catch Emma in a lie or make her admit to anything she may feel. Instead, she intended to hear if Emma's heart was ready for another relationship.

Emma, though, began to panic. Lynsey was categorically not an antidote to Killian but became one for Regina. Emma had to show the brunette before her that if she did feel something for her, she was a clean slate. She was ready for anything, if Regina was.

"I made my peace with Hook, Killian. I've told you before I don't think about him or miss him. That hasn't changed with time. Lynsey was helping me get over the person I had become in Storybrooke and get back to the person I used to be."

Regina nodded to communicate her understanding and smiled to show Emma her answer had been well received. Emma returned the smile and tried to think of something to say, but her fatigue was suddenly overwhelming. It was something Regina noticed instantly and berated herself for pushing Emma's injured brain so hard when she knew it was the opposite of what the blonde needed.

"You should rest. Your eyes are drooping," Regina said at a lowered register as Emma took a few long blinks as if she were assessing her energy reserves. "So, tell me where you'd like to recover, and I'll make the arrangements while you sleep."

"Storybrooke. Your house. My apartment is too small." Emma wasn't even attempting to hide where she wanted to be.

"The spare room has missed you," Regina teased.

"Seriously, it should be called the 'Emma's fucked up her life and needs a place to chill' room."

"That's a little clumsy, but if you wish." Regina was fearful of how her next question would be received but knew that it was a way that would ease Emma's suffering in a few hours' time. "Will you let me heal you when we get to town?"

"No. I don't want magic anywhere near me unless it's essential to survival."

"Alright. We will have to do this the old-fashioned way with soup and bedtime stories."

"I have a concussion. I am not five."

"Oh, so you don't want to hear the rest of the book we were reading?"

"I think I fell asleep," Emma admitted sheepishly.

"Close your eyes, Emma."

The blonde didn't need to be told twice. Sleep came easily. Regina had left Robin. That news was the best sleep-aid of Emma Swan's life.

* * *

"Are you sure you have enough pillows and blankets?" Regina asked feverishly after placing another throw blanket over Emma's feet. She stood awkwardly near the door, unsure of how to act appropriately.

"Seeing as I literally have twice as many as I did a few nights ago, I think it's safe to conclude yes," Emma replied sarcastically. Admittingly, though, she was excessively comfortable in the cocoon Regina had built for her, and she was grateful for it.

"Where is that godforsaken feline of yours? Isn't he integral to your ability to sleep?"

"He's integral to my ability to being woken hours before I want or need to. That is all."

"Okay, well, I'll be in to check on you in a few hours. Just to make sure you're not dying in here."

"Okay," Emma uttered, turning slightly onto her side. Regina noticed that she winced, and Emma cringed knowing she had.

Regina moved to sit in the empty space next to Emma before she pleaded at a volume barely above a whisper, "Please let me heal you."

"I said no."

"You'd rather suffer?"

"Not rather, but accept that I must. Magic comes with a price. It should only be used as a last resort. It's bad enough that we're using it to keep the dagger silent just so I can be here." Mirroring her actions at the hospital, Regina had reached for Emma's hand and began rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. Emma's eyes found the source of the comfort and Regina's eyes too lingered where they were now connected.

"I'm sorry for asking. I simply would do anything to make you happy and well." Emma's big exhausted eyes looked longingly at Regina. The brunette expressing such intense, sustained affection wasn't something Emma was used to, and she was still trying to understand if she was connected to why Regina had ended her relationship with her fiancé. She desperately wanted to believe that it was for her. At the same time, everything Regina had said and done in the past twenty-four hours matched how a best friend would behave after her ordeal.

"I just need to sleep, and I'll be fine," Emma said as she tried to reassure the brunette.

"Then close your eyes, Emma. I'll be right here as you fall asleep." It didn't need to be said. They both understood Regina was helping Emma feel safe as she slept so the nightmares wouldn't curtail the healing process.

"I can sleep alone; you don't need to watch me."

"Let's not fight about this too. We both know you had Dark One flashes in the hospital and then again this evening."

"If you really want to help with that, then you need to lie next to me. You could even tell me a story." Regina smiled at Emma, for the blonde was finally asking her for what she needed. It's what Lynsey had been for, it's what Boris did. The physical contact of hand-holding wasn't enough for Emma's subconscious to feel safe. She needed more, and Regina was proud of her for being upfront about it.

"I doubt you'll be awake long enough for a story, so how about I just sing to you?" Emma felt her heart flutter as she saw Regina smile, shift herself so she lay next to her and heard the soft humming of a tune she didn't know start to surround her.

Emma abandoned words for the day and used only actions from then on to demonstrate her feelings as she shifted closer and closer to Regina's body until she could rest her head on her hip and wrap her arm across her lap. Regina struggled to process Emma's abrasiveness. With her inhibitions lowered by injury and fatigue, Emma was being forward. On previous days, she would put this down to Emma seeking comfort as friends. However, under the microscope of Henry's assertion that Emma was in love with her, Emma seemed unambiguously infatuated. The way Emma held her made Regina feel like she was the center of her world.

Regina had barely started the chorus for the second time when she sensed Emma was asleep. For a long time, she sat quietly and admired Emma who was wearing her trademark sleepwear of a white tank-top. Despite the blonde's beauty, it was the bruises that had formed on Emma's upper arm and shoulder that she could clearly see in the dim light that dominated Regina's attention. She let her hand linger above them cursing silently at how easy it would be to heal. Waiting until the urge passed, Regina lowered her fingers slightly, so they grazed Emma's arm with the lightest of touches. Her mind had dreamt of doing this for countless nights. Just having Emma next to her like this. In a world where this was her daily reality, life would always be something exceptional. Settling back on the pillows with Emma sleeping deeply at her side, she rested her eyes and let the feeling of contentment take her into a deep slumber.

* * *

It had been hours since the sun, then Regina, had risen and Emma had barely shifted in her sleep other than to replace the brunette's body with a pillow. Regina had been lingering by her ajar door for nearly an hour, peeking in at the blonde from the hallway. At first, she was merely checking that Emma hadn't woken and needed something, but now she was getting concerned that the blonde had been asleep for over twelve hours.

"Why don't you just wake her?" Henry asked after reaching his frustration threshold at watching this scene unfold.

"It says here to just let them sleep," Regina said quietly, indicating the post-concussion sheet the hospital had given her for Emma's post-discharge care. "It how the brain heals."

"Then you're hovering because?"

"What if she can't wake up? What if she's bleeding into her brain while I stand here and do nothing?"

Henry rolled his eyes at the simplicity of how to solve his mother's concerns. "Go wake her up, work through your little set of instructions, then please, for all our sakes, ask her out on a date."

Regina huffed at Henry's solution and ignored him entirely as her internal debate continued. She leaned on the doorway for another full minute before convincing herself that Emma needed water and perhaps more pain meds, therefore, it wouldn't be overbearing to wake her up. Emma, after all, could go right back to sleep after Regina was convinced she was in satisfactory health.

"Emma," Regina coaxed as she sat on the bed. The blonde didn't even stir let alone verbally respond. "Emma?" Regina asked again, this time shaking her upper arm gently, careful to avoid the bruises caused by the scaffolding that had fallen on her. When Emma still didn't react, Regina started to think her worrying had been vindicated. "Emma," she called louder with a more vigorous shake.

"Wha?" Emma mumbled having not moved or opened her eyes.

"I need you to wake up for me, just for a minute." Emma, though, appeared to have returned to her non-communicative sleep, frustrating and panicking Regina in equal measure. "Swan!" Regina said forcefully at a volume that could never be considered her 'inside voice'.

"What? What is it? I'm up," Emma said as she pushed herself off the mattress, only to immediately feel disorientated and slightly dizzy. She sensed Regina's gentle hands on her shoulders for support before she heard the familiar tone of her voice.

"Lie back down," Regina soothed, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "I just need to ask you a few questions to make sure you're not dying. Doctor's orders." Emma rolled her eyes at Regina, fell back on her pillows and adjusted herself so she was facing slightly away from the Mayor. Emma felt like she'd never slept in her life and the last thing she wanted was for Regina to go through her discharge sheet again.

"I'm fine. Just tired. Not dying. Don't need questions. Sleep," Emma said in a slow drawl as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Well, you want to do this the muggle way, so I'm playing along. Now, open your eyes, look at me, and tell me your name." Regina watched Emma for a sign of compliance, and she wasn't sure if she should be worried or annoyed that Emma was completely ignoring her and trying to return to sleep. She knew exactly what to say to determine if this was resistance was by choice or not. "Emma, if you don't wake up and answer these questions I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Regina!" Emma mumbled to express her dissatisfaction at the option that had been presented to her. Regina felt sympathy for Emma when she saw her force her eyes open and the longing in them for this to be over.

"I promise if you just answer these, then drink some water, and maybe eat a little for me, you can sleep as much as you want," Regina bargained gently.

"Fine," Emma replied shortly. Her face furrowed in displeasure and she made sure Regina could see her altered expression.

"What's your name?"

"Emma Swan."

"Good, do you know what month it is?"

"September."

"What's your job?"

"Firefighter or the Savior to the bring back the happy endings. It depends who you ask." They shared a sad giggle before Regina studied her little instruction sheet. Emma began to properly wake and saw that Regina was wearing glasses, a look she had previously never seen. It was such a powerful image that it jolted Emma into full consciousness.

"Where are you and why?" Emma wasn't listening any longer. She was mesmerized by Regina's serious and professional demeanor as she waited for Emma's reply to mark it on the paper. The care, attention, and dedication Regina was giving to her recovery filled Emma with love. To Regina though, it seemed like Emma was struggling to understand the question which only elevated her concern once again. "Emma?"

Emma stopped daydreaming about headmistress Regina long enough to hear Regina's call, and she tried to focus on her words rather than her appearance. "Mmm?" She managed as a reply.

"Where are you and why?"

"Oh, um, I guess we could call this my room in Storybrooke." The answer made them smile at each other until Emma broke the connection as she searched her memories for what had happened to her. Looking at Regina with a hint of fear in her eyes she said quietly. "I think I was hurt at work, but I don't remember it."

"That's okay. Now, how's your headache? Do you have any neck pain?"

"Dull but pounding." Emma moved her head from side to side and concluded, "No, not really."

"Well, I'd say you are showing irritability, but I'd contest that was your personality rather than a sign of brain damage."

"You have a wonderful bedside manner."

"Be quiet and let me test your strength."

"Seriously?! Regina, I'm fine."

"I'm following what the sheet states. So, just squeeze my hands Swan and then I'll be satisfied that you'll live long enough to piss me off another day. I won't ask you to do it again."

"Fine," Emma reached for Regina's hands and squeezed them firmly. It was tight enough that it made Regina wince slightly. "Satisfied?"

"Hardly," Regina replied, trying desperately to not visualize a fantasy where Emma could hurt her for pleasure.

"She lives!" Henry called brightly from the foyer.

"Hey, Kid," Emma said with a little distance in her voice. She'd expended most of her energy in teasing Regina and was now desperate for conversation time to be over.

"She does, but she needs a lot of rest." The look Regina gave Henry with these words was a definitive one. It was layered with the instruction of 'leave your mother alone'. Turning to Emma she progressed to point two on her agenda, "You need to eat. What do you want?"

"I'm really not hungry." Emma's eyes were already drifting closed, and the action convinced Regina further that Emma needed the energy from food.

"The eating part wasn't optional, just what you will eat was. Drink this water, take these painkillers, and I'll get you soup. You like soup." Regina handed the pills and water to Henry implying that he had to force them down his mother's throat while she gathered supplies from the kitchen. Regina left without another word, and Emma just gazed at her son before sighing heavily. She didn't quite follow what had happened such was the speed of Regina's words and movement. Focusing on Henry seemed the sensible path to obtain clarity.

"She likes to control the healing process," Henry assured, coming to sit in the spot Regina had just vacated before helping Emma drink. He was encouraged that Emma just seemed tried, and far less 'spaced out' than she had the night before.

"Yeah?"

"She needs to feel like she's helping and speeding things along. She doesn't like to see the people she loves miserable."

"I'm not miserable."

"I like that it was that part of the statement that you chose to argue with me over," Henry said wryly, loving that his ma seemed well enough finally that he could tease her about Regina's love. He had been desperate to divulge her feelings to Emma, to see her smile, to plan what they should do next.

"Your mom does love me. We're best friends. If you mean she's in love with me, you're wrong." Emma's words didn't have any conviction to them, not because she didn't have sufficient energy to argue with her son, but because after the events in the past day, she honestly was uncertain as to whether Regina's care had romantic overtones or not.

"Except she is. She told me at the hospital. Robin even suspected it. She won't act on her feelings yet though. She wants to give you time to feel better about life." Henry's words were the shot of adrenaline Emma needed to maintain consciousness. She sat up slightly in bed and leaned into Henry, so they could talk with covert whispers.

"She loves me?"

"Yes. I get the impression that Mom has for a long time, but couldn't admit it because she was told Robin was her happy ending, something we all fought for, and she was trying to make it work."

"You're playing some kind of trick on me. You knew saying that would stop me sleeping," Emma said dismissively. Henry's words were too good to be true.

"No, that would be cruel. I'm saying it because life is short, and I want my moms to be happy. That's why I helped Mom with Operation Mongoose. It's why I tried to help you and Hook when you were the Dark One. I love you both, I want the best for you. Now your happiness is aligned, and I won't sit back and watch you both stutter and not act on this."

"Kid, she just broke up with him. She needs time-"

"No, enough of this. She thinks you need time, you think she does. Just have a conversation. That's all I'm asking for, not marriage and five more adopted kids. If after you talk, you both want to wait before you go on a date or whatever, then I'll think it's stupid, but I won't force you. But I'm pushing you toward your happy ending, because Ma, if anyone deserves one, it's you."

Emma grabbed her son, letting him hold her body weight. She winced when his grasp aggravated her sore body, and he went to pull away.

"No, please, please just hold me," Emma mumbled before she started weeping uncontrollably into Henry's neck. He didn't know what to do other than rub his hands over her back to try and calm her. It had no effect though. Emma was unrelenting in her emotional outpour. She was still sobbing hysterically when Regina returned, and she shared a long look with her confused, concerned son in regards to Emma's outburst.

"You're okay, Emma. It's just the concussion. It can make you feel emotional," Regina said trying to bring comfort to everyone as she explained the probable cause of this breakdown. "Come on Emma. Talk to us, or him, or me. We want to help."

Emma didn't speak. Instead, she held Henry closer to her, but she reached for Regina's hand with one of hers, and held it as tightly as she could when she found it. Regina understood Emma was just saying she wanted to be embraced by them both, simultaneously. Sitting behind Emma, Regina wrapped her arms around Emma's abdomen and placed her head on her back.

Emma was finally accepting that Regina could be hers and all the suffering was worth it. Henry had concluded that Emma, in her injured state, couldn't process that her feelings were finally reciprocated. Meanwhile, Regina took this as another sign that Emma needed to focus on healing before they could talk about their intimate desires.

As a family, they remained in this position until Emma eventually controlled her sobs into a whimper which effortlessly became a light snore. Together, Henry and Regina guided the exhausted woman back to a prone position on the pillows, readjusted her blankets, and watched as a dream took over her mind.

"Tell her you love her," Henry pleaded. "It's not fair to either of you to not have each other the way you want. Time is supposed to heal everything, but with your mutual love you can cure each other."

Regina stared at Emma as she slept and agreed with her son's sentiments. With Emma, time wasn't something she wanted to waste. If Emma was ready to take the next step, she was too.

* * *

**Two days later**

Henry trundled down the stairs in an harassed state, for he had overslept and missing the bus to school was not only possible but probable. Gratefully, he found that Regina had made everyone pancakes in addition to a packed lunch for him. Henry scarfed down his breakfast as he shoved his sandwiches into his bag. Regina stared at him, sipping her coffee, waiting for her son to ask the same, now overly repetitive question that he had bombarded her with for days.

"So, have you talked to her yet?" Henry asked, feeling impatient at his mother not being forthcoming with information. She'd assured him that she'd talk to Emma last night.

"Emma? About what?" Regina replied feigning ignorance.

"Oh, just how about you've both been miserable for months, especially her, because you're madly in love with each other and will tell everyone but each other this fact?" Henry was hoping his mother was teasing him by not disclosing the outcome of the conversation immediately. However, it was clear they hadn't discussed anything when Regina placed her cup on the counter and looked at him sadly.

"Emma and I will have a conversation when the time is right. It didn't feel right last night. We need more time."

"Or, you could realize that Ma could die any day and you don't have quite as much time as you used to?"

"Henry Daniel Mills. Never jest about your mother's death. Ever."

"Wasn't a joke. I'm completely serious. Since I've met Ma, she's been in mortal danger countless times. Same applies to you. The other night, while we were sitting waiting to hear if Ma was going to live, was insane. We should grab happiness as best we can, whenever we can."

"We're not ready."

"Not ready to what? To eat together, to snuggle on the couch? Because it's not like you haven't done that for the past two days. I'm not suggesting you have at it tonight and get married tomorrow. I'm just pointing out that you're already like a couple anyway and you should define it as such. Just ask her to eat food with you. Ma loves food. It should be an easy request."

"Are you suggesting I ask your recuperating mother to lunch?"

"You two are impossible!" Henry banged his head on the kitchen counter repeatedly. "Yes!" He said in such a loud exasperated tone that he wasn't aware that Emma had entered the kitchen until she sat next to him.

"Woah, Kid. Go easy there. Trust me concussions aren't fun. I wouldn't recommend it," Emma suggested as she looked at him with an expression full of concern.

"And you, you could let Mom heal you, and you'd feel fine! I'm going to school. Try to not to do anything overtly dangerous or dramatic like have an honest conversation with one another." Henry walked away, shaking his head and mumbling to himself. He assumed that once everyone knew they loved each other, the next steps would be simple but, infuriatingly, Emma had made it clear that she wanted to fix her life before dragging Regina further into it. She also made the point that Regina needed to get over Robin before jumping into another potentially serious relationship. Therefore, mobilizing Regina into action seemed a more accessible path to him, but she too was resistive while so many things were unresolved. He couldn't force them, but that didn't mean he'd ever agree with their ridiculous behavior.

"What's with him?" Emma asked, somewhat rhetorically. She knew exactly what was wrong with Henry. He had made that pointedly clear these past few days.

"He'd like us to have lunch."

"Okay, well, I am kind of hungry, so, I'll probably focus on eating breakfast first, but we can discuss my next meal while I eat this one if you like. What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, um. I hadn't thought about it. I mean I have thought about it, a lot. And I have different versions of how it might go, but I wasn't done with rehearsals."

"We're going to rehearse lunch? I'm pretty sure I know how to eat Regina. I didn't hit my head that hard." Emma was thoroughly enjoying herself. Regina was flustered and tongue-tied, and it filled her with an enormous warmth that she was the reason for it.

"No, what I mean is, how would you feel, if we had lunch together?" Regina raised her eyes this time, hoping Emma would understand she wasn't merely asking about a regular meal, but a date.

"Well, I'd imagine pretty much the same as yesterday, and the day before that."

"No. Let me rephrase. How would you feel if I took you for lunch?"

"Vindicated. You do live in a mansion, and I saved your soul, so that's got to be worth at least three grilled cheeses." Emma was loving this. She'd waited long enough to call this woman hers that few extra moments wouldn't matter if she could watch Regina squirm from this playful torture she was inflicting. Additionally, this clumsy exchange had the benefit of elongating the experience of Regna asking her out.

"Okay, how would you feel if I asked you to lunch, or maybe dinner is better?" Regina added as her eyes scanned the room for guidance.

"Well lunch first, I don't think I'll last 'til dinner no matter how big a stack of pancakes I eat."

"I'm not doing a very good job of this," Regina muttered to herself, running her hand through her hair in frustration.

"Of asking me if I want food in the middle of the day? No, this is most definitely the least eloquent you have ever been. I feel honored." Emma sat with a smirk on her face as she piled her pancakes high and smothered them in maple syrup.

"Honored? Why would that be, Miss Swan?"

"Just saying, it's not every girl that gets you all flustered about a setting up a meeting involving having a conversation over a meal."

"Well, you're not a girl, and yes, fair point. You are unique. So, will you accompany me?"

"Hmm, well I have big plans of sitting and sleeping and generally not moving because that, I believe, was doctors' orders. However, I suppose I could give up an hour or two of that if you're buying."

"Is it always going to be like this?" Regina asked, suddenly realizing Emma had been teasing her all along when she appreciated the smirk Emma was adorning.

"Is what always going to be like what?"

"You know exactly what I'm asking, don't you? There's no way you're not perceptive enough to work this out."

"I believe I have answered all your questions," Emma said flatly, waiting for Regina's next run a this with eager anticipation.

"Right, I'm terrible at this. In my defense, I've never done this before."

"Hmm. Would you like some help?"

"No. I want to do this. I can do this. It's not hard."

"No, I think what you are trying to ask me is a straightforward question."

"Pronouncing the words isn't the difficult aspect of this, Emma. It's more the meaning behind them, the outcome." Emma rose from her seat and went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, sat back the table, and started sipping it as Regina glared at her incredulously.

"What? I sense this might take a while. I need to stay hydrated."

"Seriously?"

"What? You won't let me help you, and I perceive I'm not allowed to ask even though I've been dreaming about this longer."

"Oh really? Well, I wanted to exert my dominance over you with more than words from the moment we met."

"And you think I didn't check you out the second you opened that front door? It was such a shame that you were a Royal Bitch back then."

"Well, you were a real pain in the ass, and you took my son from me."

"Our son," Emma said firmly, showing she didn't care for the path their verbal sparring was taking. "Are we seriously fighting before, before, well?"

"I'd rather we termed this as reminiscent banter," Regina said, using a suggestive smile to correct the tone of the conversation.

"I see, well, please carry on. You were saying?" Emma said, waving her hand in acknowledgment of the truce.

"Do you want flowers?" Regina asked as she panic-conjured red roses, only to be replaced with yellow ones, that she then offered to Emma.

"Do you think I want flowers?" Emma said scrutinizing.

"No. I don't know. Maybe? Are you an 'I want flowers' kind of girl? Woman. You're a woman."

"Wow, you are horrendously bad at this. Just ask me out already!"

"I," Regina hesitated. Emma instantly took this to mean that Regina either didn't want to or wasn't ready to. Either way dating her at this moment wasn't what the Mayor wanted.

"Or don't," Emma said softly, showing she wasn't offended or hurt by Regina's caution. "If you're not ready, then don't. Just know that when you are, I'll say yes." They shared a wide relieved smile. "Until then, do you want to do what we did yesterday?"

"Eat soup and watch Netflix? Yes, we should do that," Regina agreed, enjoy the memory of their recent time together.

"Great! One small modification though, I think you should sit next to me on the couch, instead of creating awkward tension by isolating yourself in the chair."

"No." Emma had done what Regina needed her to and released the pressure that was building inside of her with a few simple words and a soft expression. It gave Regina the strength to accept Emma was her everything.

"No?"

"Emma. I'd like to take you on a date, to… Oh God, I don't know where I want to take you."

"I'd love to," Emma replied swiftly before Regina could take back the offer. "I'd really love to," Emma added softly, her voice full of emotion as tears started to build in her bright green eyes. Regina wanted her, a truth that was so wonderful it was hard to believe.

"Hey," Regina said soothingly, closing the gap between them so she could rub Emma's back in comfort. "What's wrong?"

"I can't, I can't believe this is happening. A week ago, I was in jail, and you were marrying Robin, and I felt like I had nothing, and now I feel like I have everything."

"Well, I don't know about everything. It will be our first date. I'm only offering dinner. Maybe we can watch a movie if we're getting on well," Regina teased trying to keep their exchange light, preserving it as a happy memory, for she was confident that this was the beginning of eternity.

Emma leaned into Regina and held as much of her as close to her body as she could. "I know where I want to take you in Portland. There are a lot of places I want to go with you," Emma offered, wiping away the few happy tears that fell.

"You and Lynsey beta tested them all for us?"

"No. I wouldn't go to the places that I consider special with Lynsey," Emma said, shifting herself to stare directly into Regina's eyes, so she would believe her next words. "I was holding on to the idea that one day I could experience them with you." Regina held her gaze, understanding fully that she had not only a date but a future, with someone who loved her more than she thought anyone ever could.

"Well, then we will just have to work through your list, won't we?" Emma nodded her approval as she hugged Regina a little closer once more.

"Can I have my flowers?"

"So, you do like flowers?"

"I like anything that reminds me of you."

* * *

By mid-afternoon Emma was dozing on the couch, using Regina's thigh as a pillow while Regina absentmindedly ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. They were purposefully watching Emma's favorites she could close her eyes and listen and not tax her healing brain by watching the screen. They'd agreed to postpone their first date until Emma was better, or 'felt like a human' as she phrased it. It was, therefore, a little jarring to their tranquil state when a loud knock at the front door interrupted their sanctuary.

"Hi," Regina said, surprised to see Robin and Blue standing on her doorstep.

"I hope we're not interrupting. Would it be possible to have a few minutes of your time?" Robin asked awkwardly. They hadn't spoken since he'd left the hospital and the tension of things unsaid made the air thick and uncomfortable.

"Emma's resting, so if you can tell me what the crisis is here, that would be preferable. I don't want to disturb her," Regina said politely, though with an air of caution.

"I'm awake! It's okay," Emma called from the lounge. She rose and stretched before entering the hallway in time to see Regina reluctantly invite the pair inside.

"So, what's this about?" Regina queried, feeling a little more relaxed now that Emma was by her side.

"Monsters? Fairytale calamity? Regular spell mishap?" Emma asked with an air of resignation, knowing that the calm period they'd experienced recently would end eventually. It may as well be now while she was on medical leave.

"How are you feeling, Emma?" Robin asked with genuine concern.

"Tired, but fine, thanks. So what's up?" Emma replied brightly to demonstrate her recovery was progressing well.

"Nothing is wrong," Robin assured, though the fact he was shifting his weight back and forth demonstrated his uneasiness. "When I first thought of this, I thought it would help you. It would show you that you are meant to be with Emma and you could let go of me. It would bring us closure. It would help us understand what happened here." Robin looked terrified as he spoke directly as Regina. "This was before Emma was hurt, before your decision had been made. And I wanted the best for you."

"You want what's best for me?" Regina asked sharing a confused look with Emma.

"Always." His words lingered in an awkward silence. Emma and Blue equally felt they were intruding on a private moment between the former couple and averted their eyes from them. Robin continued to stare at Regina before choosing his words carefully. "The way I see it now is that this will either show that you've chosen Emma as your happy ending despite what Pixie Dust says or it will show that since it was last used, your happy ending has changed, and it will set us free."

"Wait, are you saying the magic Tinker Bell used back then was wrong?" Emma threw out to no one in particular. It never occurred to her that the magic could have been mistaken, for the lore stated that Pixie Dust never lies. This was why she had remained silent because she knew Regina believed in its power.

"Not wrong," Blue reasoned. "When the spell was performed, Regina and Robin were each other's happy endings, and they still may be. Magic is tricky, it can't map out infinite possibilities, like curses, Dark Magic, and others being born."

"Are you suggesting that the choices I made in my life changed who my True Love is?" Regina inquired disbelievingly. Emotions had been building inside of her as this conversation progressed and it was becoming difficult to contain it.

"We're saying that it is possible. When you learned I was the one for you, Emma didn't exist, your heart hadn't been blackened, you didn't have Henry," Robin said softly, knowing the mention of Regina and Emma's shared son always tingled the Mayor's heart. "It's not just you. I've changed a lot since then too. I think it's possible that the outcome of the dust would be different now."

"You want to perform the spell again?" Emma said, suddenly realizing why Robin had come.

"I'm here to present it as an option," Robin offered sadly. "And although I could do it to see who my happy ending is, I'd prefer if we did it to identify Regina's. If she isn't mine, I don't want to know who it is. I'd like to find her the normal way," Robin requested.

"You were good to me. Good for me. You gave me hope that I deserved to not be alone. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have," Regina whimpered as the conflicting emotions started to constrict in her chest. She didn't want to inflict additional emotional pain on anyone, she loved both Emma and Robin, but knew with complete clarity that she was only in love with the blonde. She didn't need magic to tell her this and Regina could tell that Robin still looked at her in a way that confirmed he hadn't let go. She reached for and squeezed Emma's hand as an outward sign that this was the case. That she'd chosen. That Emma was the one.

"As I said, originally, I thought this would set you free. That it would make it easier for you to realize that Emma is your future, not me. Now, selfishly, I'm hoping you'll let Blue perform the spell to help me move on. It won't hurt me more no matter who the dust picks for you. I think we know who that will be though," Robin added with a tender smile. The way Regina had reacted a the hospital had made it abundantly clear who her soulmate was.

"I don't really see the point in this. It won't achieve anything," Emma said forcefully, seeing Regina trembling next to her, her indecision on how to proceed was obvious. Emma wasn't just being protective of Regina, but also herself. If repeating the spell showed Regina that Robin was her happy ending, she might be filled with doubts. Emma didn't want to lose everything because of magic once again. However, she understood that Regina might need this to solidify whatever they had. Therefore, she wanted to support Regina any way she could and gently added, "I don't need you to be my True Love or whatever. I don't need magic to guide me. My heart has already done that."

"She's right," Regina said quietly. "I want to be with Emma. I do. I'm certain. This isn't something my brain conjured up because I was scared to marry you. This spell only brought us all pain. I don't want it to mislead us or put the pressure of True Love on Emma and I's potential relationship either."

"Potential?" Emma asked slightly affronted.

"We haven't been on a first date. Let alone, kissed, or... Do you really want to know from the beginning that we are destined?"

"I already do," Emma said encouragingly. Regina's affirmation was everything Emma needed, every doubt and fear she had that Regina might change her mind evaporated. She looked at Robin and saw the anguish that covered him at seeing them together. Emma understood what this man needed from Regina. "I think that it will help everyone move on if it shows that you aren't each other's happy ending. And If you are, then we are right where we are now," Emma reasoned. Regina looked up from the floor directly at Emma, crying heavily now. "It won't hurt me. As Robin said, you've made your choice. Maybe I die next week, and you two end up together, who knows?" Regina laughed at Emma's macabre joke before shaking her head to find clarity.

"I need to know," Robin confessed, tears forming in his eyes too. "I need to know. I'm asking you to do this as a favor and if you say no I'll accept your answer and I won't ask again."

Regina looked at Robin, then to Emma and back again before she spoke. "You must understand that I've made my decision, nothing that happens here will change anything." Regina turned to Emma and looked deeply into her eyes. "It's a lot of pressure knowing you are True Loves. You feel like you need to skip to the end."

"I don't believe in this, not really. I'm still petrified of commitment," Emma said with a nonchalant shrug. "I'll be right here no matter what you decide, or what it shows if you let Blue work her magic. We don't have to do this now, or ever and everything will be same. I promise."

"Do you want me to cast the spell?" Blue asked, feeling very unsure about her role in this ridiculous love triangle.

Regina looked at Emma for guidance. All that mattered was Emma's happiness. "You're seriously worried that it will ruin our future. The pressure of True Love?" Emma asked as she read fear in Regina's expression.

"Yes," Regina affirmed, shaking.

"But it will help you, no matter the outcome?" Emma asked Robin.

"It would," Robin admitted. "Either I will remain as I am, or I'll know I'm not her happy ending. That my role was to guide her to you. But I didn't think it through. It is selfish of me. Regina's right. Knowing that fate has had a part to play in your relationship is difficult. We shouldn't do this. I don't want to ruin your happiness. We will leave. Please forgive us for interrupting." Robin shook his head from side to side in horror at what he had asked. His intentions had been pure, to let Regina be free of the magic that had held her in their relationship. He thought Regina knowing that Emma was her happy ending would only increase her happiness, not destroy it.

"Wait! Do we feel anything from the spell?" Emma, this time, directed her question at Blue who was looking increasingly perplexed.

"No," she answered cautiously.

"Then, let's do it, but we will close our eyes," Emma suggested as she held Regina's hands. "Then we won't know but he will."

Blue waited for all three to nod their heads in agreement before Emma and Regina closed their eyes. Blue cast the simple spell easily by encasing Regina in Pixie Dust, and Blue and Robin watched as it moved from Regina and went in a direct path straight to Emma's heart.

Robin thought it would bring him closure. Instead, he felt the final thread that was holding his heart together snap. He smiled warmly at the pair who swayed slightly as they stood without one of their senses, before looking at their hands which clasped the other's firmly. Robin emotionally held himself together with the hope that love like this still existed for him in this realm. He just had to find it. He nodded to Blue and walked away, using all his willpower to not turn back as the mansion door shut behind him.

"You can open them now, the spell is over," Blue said warmly.

"Did it work?" Emma asked, disbelieving at any magic could be performed without feeling anything.

"Yes, it did," Blue assured, keeping her expression blank. "I wish you both the very best," she said before dissipating leaving the women alone.

"Do you know?" Regina asked abruptly.

"No, I didn't feel anything. Did you?" Emma asked, panicking that the lack of sensation meant the spell hadn't indicated her.

"Not a thing," Regina said brightly. "I just know what I did before all of this."

"I'm convinced that we can make this work. Despite all the obstacles and complications that are before us."

"So, what do we do now?" Regina asked, feeling trepidatious. A little akin to a school child asking out their first crush.

"I think we should watch the end of the movie, wait for our son to come home, and tell him that our happy ending has just begun."

**End of Part One**

* * *

**A/N:**  Admittingly, when I originally planned this story, this was the end. Until (@)TiAdoro914 mentioned that slow burns were fine as long as there was plenty more to the story post-burn, i.e., readers were awarded for the agony of their pre-relationship dance. After absorbing and agreeing with such a comment, I adjusted my plans! I'm glad I did as I have become rather attached to these versions of Emma and Regina and look forward to exploring their relationship as it develops from here. Ultimately, I decided to break it into different stories as the characters are no longer "Fighting for an Escape". I've purposefully left a few plot threads that I will address in the next installment too.

So, if you want to know what happens next in their lives, look out for the sequel:  **Fighting for our Happy Ending**. I'm taking a short break to read some fanfiction, following which I'll be back to writing.

Feel free to follow / pester me on twitter if you wish: @bstix_sqff. It will probably make me update quicker. I respond well to pressure!

As always, I am forever grateful to everyone that takes the time to read my contributions to the Swan Queen universe. A massive hug from me to everyone that took the time to leave a review. They helped shape this story into what it became and always motivated me to spend my free time doing this. A special shout out to regalnightinggale for leaving such long thoughtful reviews throughout this process and then engaging in detailed discussions about the character development with me!

I want to point out that if it weren't for PJ – who's my roommate, my best friend, my beta – my stories wouldn't exist at all. She gives me phenomenal support in everything I do. I'll be forever in her debt for all she does to help me get through, not only the writing process, but life itself.

Finally, I thank each and every one of you for reading! Time is the greatest gift you can give and using yours to read this is something I can never repay. So, I hope it was worth it.


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